Blurt It Out!

[MHealthJo]

What bothers me with some younger people is more just flakiness - if they have an event or invitation or something they have planned or agreed to do, they won't necessarily follow through with it. It depends on their mood closer to the date - people who get lazy and pull out for no reason, or to do something they would prefer more, after they have already agreed or accepted something, with really no reason. (A reason is understandable.)
Also leaving things as late as possible, not taking a lot of things seriously.

But maybe I'm unfairly putting it more on younger people , when in fact this type of thing could be shared equally among flakes of all ages.

 

[SunMnStrz]

Docjeff

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I have been in therapy for quite some time and the issue with my daughter has been one of the topics at the top of the list. There are many ppl who say I should swallow my pride and do as she asks (apologize to her husband) so I can see my grandbabies. He (my son in law) does not deserve an apology from me as I have done nothing wrong, he has crossed the line with me on many occassions. I am cordial which is more than he deserves. To give me this ultimatum is nothing short of abuse and it is something I will not tolerate anymore. I have started to stand up for myself and since I have my daughter has called me selfish.

---------- Post Merged at 11:17 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:12 AM ----------

I wish I had your issue.. just for a little while I would like to know what it is like NOT to feel any emotions.

I am so uncomfortable with emotions. It seems as a young child I decided the emotions where bad so I blocked them all or found coping techniques to avoid them. I try to go through emotions and it does not seem natural and given I have ways to avoid them .... I do. Someone told me not to try to understand what the emotion is but to welcome it... easier said then done. It makes sense though I will try to allow the emotion to manifest and once it does I will try to accept it. Maybe eventyally I will understand what the emotion is about

---------- Post Merged at 11:21 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:17 AM ----------

Yes the younger generation of today are Rude, "entitled" and downright hateful! I don't mean to generalize but this is what I see more and more of.

 

[forgetmenot]

so tired of government agencies tired of the different msgs given tired of the lies they say just tired of dealing with the bs god just send me the dam tax forms ok so i can pay my dam taxes and just tell me if i am going to get benefits or not im tired of running around getting notes coming into office phoning constantly only to hear them say call back another day how many ffffff times do i have to call back to get something done

 

[GDPR]

I hate how hard standing up for myself is when it's 'family'. I hate how even though I know it's the right thing to do I still have bouts of guilt and remorse for it.

I hate how alone I feel sometimes. Not lonely,but alone,there's a difference.

 

[GDPR]

Standing up for myself IS the right thing to do! It's just hard because it's not something I am used to doing.The guilt and remorse I sometimes feel over it will hopefully,eventually go away.

If someone doesn't want to be in my life because I will no longer tolerate their abuse,that is their choice,and I am better off without them.

---------- Post Merged at 08:44 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:26 AM ----------

I'm an adult! I DO have choices and options now.I'm NOT stuck,I'm NOT trapped.I don't have to just put up with whatever happens to me or around me anymore.If I planned an escape route now,as an adult,I could actually carry it out instead of just fantasizing about it.

I don't need to live like I did back then.I don't need to always be in survival mode,I don't need to do drugs or drink to cope.I don't need to fantasize about killing myself because there's no other options.I don't have to put up with any abuse.

I'm free to do whatever I want,how I want and when I want.And I don't have to answer to anyone.I'm free to think,say and do what I want.

I can be who and how I want to be,not how others expect and demand. I don't have to put on an act and pretend everything is fine.I don't have to lie or cover for anyone.I don't have to do anything at all,except what I want.

And this is the stuff I need to remember when I start feeling guilty or remorseful!!!

 

[heatherly]

I hate all the gossip and drama that goes on!I am tired of people being so petty and cruel.I am tired of people laughing at me because I startle so easily! I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me.I'm tired of laughing too when really I feel like crying.

I would be tired of all that too.

I feel guilty when I stand up for myself too because I think then that I have hurt someone's feelings. You have to learn to do it correctly but how?

 

[GDPR]

I feel guilty when I stand up for myself too because I think then that I have hurt someone's feelings. You have to learn to do it correctly but how?

I'm finding that the best way to stand up for myself is to just calmly say what I feel.It works out much better when I use "I" statements instead of "You". It also goes better now that I don't start screaming,cussing and throwing a tantrum about something(which was very hard to learn to not do).

As far as hurting someone's feelings,I don't know how to not do that.I guess if you're gonna stand up for yourself you gotta expect that might happen.I'm trying to work on and focus on how I feel about it instead of how they feel.

 

[GDPR]

I want friends.True friends.

I feel so alone right now because I don't really have anyone in my life except my husband.I have been working on omitting all the abusive/toxic people in my life and now I don't have anyone at all,not even friends. I thought I had true friends,but if people don't want to be around me because I no longer drink then they weren't true friends to begin with.

I have always had a hard time making/keeping friends. I'm always afraid to let people really get to know me or get too close. I'm afraid if they truly know me,the real me,they will run the other way.

Deep down,I feel like needing anyone is wrong.

 

[heatherly]

Lost in Thought, I don't think that needing people is wrong. It is a human nature to need others. I think getting the toxic people out of your life was a good thing to do. Can you join a club or two to meet new people?

 

[GDPR]

Lost in Thought, I don't think that needing people is wrong.

I don't actually think it's wrong,I feel like it's wrong.

And I suppose I could join a group in order to meet people.I worry though that I will just keep gravitating towards the wrong type of people and end up not much better than I am now.

 

[MHealthJo]

And I suppose I could join a group in order to meet people.I worry though that I will just keep gravitating towards the wrong type of people and end up not much better than I am now.

Great work on being mindful of things that might end up threatening good choices you have made.

As well as that concern, it feels scary and tricky thinking about the possibility of making new friends.... Like you said above, making intimate friends requires a certain level of sharing, disclosure, vulnerability.

It's hard deciding what level or style of these things would be required for the type of friendship that we want. It seems like perhaps the bigger depth or intimacy of friendship we want, the more disclosure or sharing or vulnerability would perhaps be necessary? I'm not sure though... Not necessarily quickly, but maybe a bit more over time? I ponder that sometimes.

Or, if we have some no-go subjects or some sort of difficulties we anticipate for now, maybe it depends how confident we are with some way that we could politely say that something is a difficult topic, politely apologise for some difficulty or other....

If you wanted to though, to avoid feeling too lonely or discouraged, you could test out the possibility of some 'light' friendships in the meantime, by testing out a few ideas of handling the situations that worry you... perhaps throw around some ideas with your T? Or us...

Perhaps throw around ideas too of where could be good places/options to find the right kinds of people - tolerant and understanding people, who also lead you to good things and not negative things.

It is nice that friends like that are right here though - even though it's only online that you chat with us.

 

[heatherly]

you won't keep gravitating towards the wrong people. you will find some you meet to be like your old friends, but then you can just move away from them and keep the good ones.

 

[GDPR]

It is nice that friends like that are right here though

It's easier to have online friends,I do have quite a few of those.It's easier because it's not face to face and I don't have to worry so much about my little quirks.

I'm sure I will eventually make some friends once I feel more confident. I need to get over my fears and just take a chance.It's hard,and a lot different not having alcohol as a confidence booster when I am around other people(maybe not really a confidence booster,but you know what I mean).

It's hard to just put myself out there,be who I am,and feel confident about it.I think I probably judge myself harder than anyone else ever would. One of my biggest fears is someone seeing me have an anxiety attack or maybe see me on one of my bad days and think maybe I have too many issues for them to want to even be around.

If I put on an act,they will surely see through it eventually.If I present myself as I am,I risk rejection.

 

[MHealthJo]

It's a hard one for sure.

In a way, I guess whenever we as shy people or struggling people present ourselves to the world, there's SOME element of an 'act' - really if I put makeup on, go somewhere and smile on a yuck day, that's an act already, in a way. But that's part of life sometimes and generally not considered dishonest or bad.

Maybe with a new acquaintance, theres some point eventually where in a conversation we can mention, 'Yeah, I find xyz a little hard sometimes because I struggle with anxiety sometimes, blah blah carry on talking no big deal...."

And then you've tested the water a bit about whether the person expects perfection of others, and made it easier one day if there's a bad time, to simply apologise for any difficulty that happened and say you were having a difficult day with anxiety or whatever....

(You may be surprised to find there are other nice but not-perfect people out there or people that can relate to difficulties you have.)

One idea, anyhow. Your attitude is excellent and I believe you will eventually gain some success in anything you'd like to do.

 

[heatherly]

I never had to join groups until I moved to a small town. I have found it the best way to meet people. You can go and listen until you feel comfortable. That is what I did. I agree with you MHealthJo. People are not perfect, but in some ways I wish they were. I am just as good at joining as leaving anymore. But the best groups are where you don't have to do work within the club. So if you read, join a book group, if you take photos, photography, etc.

I think it is wonderful Lost inThought, that you gave up drinking.

 

[GDPR]

I HATE scrolling on Facebook and reading that a relative has died.

What kind of world have we become that our first thoughts,our first instinct, is to update our status?What has happened to phone calls or talking to someone face to face?

 

[GDPR]

...and today,the more I think about it,the more I dislike Facebook.

I guess it's a good way to spread news,very fast,but still.....if someone dies,I would prefer a phone call or to be told in person,I do not want to log in to Facebook and find out that way.

---------- Post Merged at 08:41 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 02:31 PM ----------

I'm sorry I keep complaining about this,but I just can't let go of the shock of seeing it on Facebook yesterday. It bothers me as much as the death.

It made it seem so casual,so meaningless,I was scrolling through,reading jokes,looking at pictures,etc.,and then there it was.

It bothers me! And I'm sorry if I have offended anyone that does that kind of stuff.But I personally think it's tacky and insensitive. I'm not saying people shouldn't post a death,I'm just saying it's probably a good idea to let family members know,by phone or in person,about the death, before ​you do!

---------- Post Merged at 09:28 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:41 PM ----------

Or maybe I am making a bigger deal of this than it should be.Maybe I should just be grateful I found out at all.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I don't think you're making a big deal out of it. I have gotten word of several deaths through facebook and it is upsetting. Mostly for me it's younger people (teens and young adults) posting about losing a loved one and I think it's just almost an automatic thing for them to do. But not right because it IS upsetting to the rest of us.

 

[DivineMyst]

I hate it when my husband tells me to just get over it. If I could just get over it, wouldn't I have done so by now? =\

 

[gooblax]

It's time for me to create a new dynamic at work. I want change, so it's my responsibility to put changes into place.