I've been battling with bulimia for a few months now.. I think. Sometimes I eat perfectly normal, well if it's normal I don't know, the portions are way smaller than I used to eat and everything is fine. Other times I could have like 1 veggie wrap and be so full after I ate it that I have to throw up or it hurts. Other times I just don't eat at all and just give my self little bits whenever the hunger pains become too much. And sometimes I'm so hungry and nothing call fill the void. I thought a few weeks ago I had it all under control. I had faught the urge to purge for a full week and a half, but then it came back with a vengance and I'm purging a few times a week again. I'm sure that I totally fit the bulimic profile, but actually convincing myself that I need help and that I don't have this under control seems the hardest part. I was really over weight a few years ago and then healthily lost a lot of weight on my doc's recc, I went to clinics and whatnot. The part I don't understand is that I was comfortable with my weight and had no problems, sure I wasn't attractive or anything but I didn't think about my weight. It was causing health problems tho so I had to lose it. No that I'm in a better weight range (and considered really attractive for the first time ever) I've started becoming obessed with my weight it seems, wanting to lose more. Man I'm just so totally messed up I don't even know anymore.. does anyone have anything that's working for them, anything to try to fix my broken brain?
- Thread starter wryker84
- Start date
I've been battling with bulimia for a few months now.. I think. Sometimes I eat perfectly normal, well if it's normal I don't know, the portions are way smaller than I used to eat and everything is fine. Other times I could have like 1 veggie wrap and be so full after I ate it that I have to throw up or it hurts. Other times I just don't eat at all and just give my self little bits whenever the hunger pains become too much. And sometimes I'm so hungry and nothing call fill the void. I thought a few weeks ago I had it all under control. I had faught the urge to purge for a full week and a half, but then it came back with a vengance and I'm purging a few times a week again. I'm sure that I totally fit the bulimic profile, but actually convincing myself that I need help and that I don't have this under control seems the hardest part. I was really over weight a few years ago and then healthily lost a lot of weight on my doc's recc, I went to clinics and whatnot. The part I don't understand is that I was comfortable with my weight and had no problems, sure I wasn't attractive or anything but I didn't think about my weight. It was causing health problems tho so I had to lose it. No that I'm in a better weight range (and considered really attractive for the first time ever) I've started becoming obessed with my weight it seems, wanting to lose more. Man I'm just so totally messed up I don't even know anymore.. does anyone have anything that's working for them, anything to try to fix my broken brain?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Welcome to the forum, wryker.
Eating disorders are typically about more than eating, not eating, purging, binging, etc. To really understand why all this is happening will require that you look at yourself holistically, which is difficult to do without an objective third party. Dieting and simple attemjpts at self-control are rarely a long-term solution, for the same reasons.
I would suggest that you try to locate a good therapist in your area with some experience in eating disorders and get some advice on what might be causing this and on some strategies for more effectively managing the problem.
You can also find a lot of information here on this forum, of course, as well as at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/eating.htm and http://blossom.psychlinks.ca .
Eating disorders are typically about more than eating, not eating, purging, binging, etc. To really understand why all this is happening will require that you look at yourself holistically, which is difficult to do without an objective third party. Dieting and simple attemjpts at self-control are rarely a long-term solution, for the same reasons.
I would suggest that you try to locate a good therapist in your area with some experience in eating disorders and get some advice on what might be causing this and on some strategies for more effectively managing the problem.
You can also find a lot of information here on this forum, of course, as well as at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/eating.htm and http://blossom.psychlinks.ca .
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Welcome to the forum, wryker.
Eating disorders are typically about more than eating, not eating, purging, binging, etc. To really understand why all this is happening will require that you look at yourself holistically, which is difficult to do without an objective third party. Dieting and simple attemjpts at self-control are rarely a long-term solution, for the same reasons.
I would suggest that you try to locate a good therapist in your area with some experience in eating disorders and get some advice on what might be causing this and on some strategies for more effectively managing the problem.
You can also find a lot of information here on this forum, of course, as well as at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/eating.htm and http://blossom.psychlinks.ca .
Eating disorders are typically about more than eating, not eating, purging, binging, etc. To really understand why all this is happening will require that you look at yourself holistically, which is difficult to do without an objective third party. Dieting and simple attemjpts at self-control are rarely a long-term solution, for the same reasons.
I would suggest that you try to locate a good therapist in your area with some experience in eating disorders and get some advice on what might be causing this and on some strategies for more effectively managing the problem.
You can also find a lot of information here on this forum, of course, as well as at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/eating.htm and http://blossom.psychlinks.ca .
the fact that you go from eating small portions to bigger portions and not being very hungry to being very hungry shows that your metabolism isn't consistent in that it reacts to what you give it/ don't give it to work w/. Try eating small and healthy portions of food multiple times, that way you won't have to worry about becoming too hungry and then binging but you can also say to yourself "ok I've eaten something" so if you're really hungry maybe it will help you to stop binging at that moment b/c you know you're eating.... if you feel like you have to binge again try healthy foods, fruit etc... it eliminate the urge to purge. I know it's difficult to do this but getting into a habit will help eliminate some of the binge/purge cycle.
you've stopped for that week and a half so you can do it again.. but as David said there's other issues invovled that are behind this binging, purging, not eating.... so unless you start w/ those it will be difficult to make any real progress. you said you healthily lost weight before...maybe try to get in touch w/ those people that helped you back then but do get help for this ed as well. the funny thing w/ weight is- as you said- you don't really realize it unless someone points it out etc. now that you know you're attractive (as you said) people will compliment you but realize that having an ed is gonna put another spin on that too... it can make you look unhealhty, it can wreck internal damage, and psychologically it can ruin people too. so wouldn't you rather get to the point of looking and feeling good in a healhty/lt solution kind of way? coming to terms w/ that this is a problem if the 1st step to recovery so congrats on that!
you've stopped for that week and a half so you can do it again.. but as David said there's other issues invovled that are behind this binging, purging, not eating.... so unless you start w/ those it will be difficult to make any real progress. you said you healthily lost weight before...maybe try to get in touch w/ those people that helped you back then but do get help for this ed as well. the funny thing w/ weight is- as you said- you don't really realize it unless someone points it out etc. now that you know you're attractive (as you said) people will compliment you but realize that having an ed is gonna put another spin on that too... it can make you look unhealhty, it can wreck internal damage, and psychologically it can ruin people too. so wouldn't you rather get to the point of looking and feeling good in a healhty/lt solution kind of way? coming to terms w/ that this is a problem if the 1st step to recovery so congrats on that!
the fact that you go from eating small portions to bigger portions and not being very hungry to being very hungry shows that your metabolism isn't consistent in that it reacts to what you give it/ don't give it to work w/. Try eating small and healthy portions of food multiple times, that way you won't have to worry about becoming too hungry and then binging but you can also say to yourself "ok I've eaten something" so if you're really hungry maybe it will help you to stop binging at that moment b/c you know you're eating.... if you feel like you have to binge again try healthy foods, fruit etc... it eliminate the urge to purge. I know it's difficult to do this but getting into a habit will help eliminate some of the binge/purge cycle.
you've stopped for that week and a half so you can do it again.. but as David said there's other issues invovled that are behind this binging, purging, not eating.... so unless you start w/ those it will be difficult to make any real progress. you said you healthily lost weight before...maybe try to get in touch w/ those people that helped you back then but do get help for this ed as well. the funny thing w/ weight is- as you said- you don't really realize it unless someone points it out etc. now that you know you're attractive (as you said) people will compliment you but realize that having an ed is gonna put another spin on that too... it can make you look unhealhty, it can wreck internal damage, and psychologically it can ruin people too. so wouldn't you rather get to the point of looking and feeling good in a healhty/lt solution kind of way? coming to terms w/ that this is a problem if the 1st step to recovery so congrats on that!
you've stopped for that week and a half so you can do it again.. but as David said there's other issues invovled that are behind this binging, purging, not eating.... so unless you start w/ those it will be difficult to make any real progress. you said you healthily lost weight before...maybe try to get in touch w/ those people that helped you back then but do get help for this ed as well. the funny thing w/ weight is- as you said- you don't really realize it unless someone points it out etc. now that you know you're attractive (as you said) people will compliment you but realize that having an ed is gonna put another spin on that too... it can make you look unhealhty, it can wreck internal damage, and psychologically it can ruin people too. so wouldn't you rather get to the point of looking and feeling good in a healhty/lt solution kind of way? coming to terms w/ that this is a problem if the 1st step to recovery so congrats on that!
Wryker, hi. It does seem funny and confusing doesn't it, that you were comfortable with your weight before, but later felt the need to keep it off or continue to lose it? This is an indication that your problems with food and weight are not just about food and weight. They're maybe about a sense of accomplishment you felt when you first lost the weight and were complimented. I think that's sort of what Dr. Baxter was trying to say. And, I'm sure it's more complicated than that. I can't offer any better advice than to look for a counselor or doctor to help you figure out what weight and food mean to YOU. Every person is different.
Wryker, hi. It does seem funny and confusing doesn't it, that you were comfortable with your weight before, but later felt the need to keep it off or continue to lose it? This is an indication that your problems with food and weight are not just about food and weight. They're maybe about a sense of accomplishment you felt when you first lost the weight and were complimented. I think that's sort of what Dr. Baxter was trying to say. And, I'm sure it's more complicated than that. I can't offer any better advice than to look for a counselor or doctor to help you figure out what weight and food mean to YOU. Every person is different.
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