I'm looking for some advice from anyone who may have been in a similar situation to me. Hopefully I'll get a bit of perspective or at least just get it off my chest. Sorry if it's very long.
Basically, I grew up as an only child in an extremely abusive household. My father would torture and beat my mother on a daily basis. I grew up absolutely terrified and my father would often beat me too. I would beg my mother to leave but she never did, she always made excuses (nowhere to go, no money etc). Although I know it wounded her to see me getting beaten, she never once stood in and tried to protect me, even though a good few of my beatings as a teenager were a result of stepping in to protect her when she was getting attacked.
I left when I was 16 and never looked back. No visits, no contact, nothing. Thankfully, a friend who had moved down the country asked his parents if I could stay and they were very good to me, helping me get my life together. I am eternally grateful to them.
I went to counselling a few years back and it helped an awful lot with my darker feelings. I no longer think about my father, I have worked through the hatred and anger I used to feel for him and now I feel nothing towards him. However, my mother is a different story. I know she was in an awful situation herself but I was the child. I feel like she never protected me. I feel abandoned by her. There were numerous occasions where different family members came and offered to help us but she refused, choosing to keep both herself and me in that woeful situation. Because of the trauma, I now have some problems with separation anxiety and trust in my own relationships, which I am slowly trying to work on.
I often wondered at different times in the last 13 years what became of my mother. Usually these feelings would haunt me around Xmas and birthdays, times when everyone else would be happy only serve to remind me further about the traumatic holidays I would spend locked in my bedroom.
I have never had any contact with her and have had little desire of it. I would be afraid that the only thing I would be able to ask her is WHY. I don't know if she's still with my father or not. The problem is, I bumped into a distant relative by chance recently and they told me that she wanted to make contact with me. The relative didn't elaborate any further or look for my reaction, it was more of a heads up just to warn me in case she did contact me. I'm a bit all over the place thinking about it since, I don't know if it would be a good idea to speak to her seeing as I have nothing good to say to her. Should I just ignore my mother if she turns up? Apart from anything else, I certainly have no intention of giving her another chance to be in my life full time.
Basically, I grew up as an only child in an extremely abusive household. My father would torture and beat my mother on a daily basis. I grew up absolutely terrified and my father would often beat me too. I would beg my mother to leave but she never did, she always made excuses (nowhere to go, no money etc). Although I know it wounded her to see me getting beaten, she never once stood in and tried to protect me, even though a good few of my beatings as a teenager were a result of stepping in to protect her when she was getting attacked.
I left when I was 16 and never looked back. No visits, no contact, nothing. Thankfully, a friend who had moved down the country asked his parents if I could stay and they were very good to me, helping me get my life together. I am eternally grateful to them.
I went to counselling a few years back and it helped an awful lot with my darker feelings. I no longer think about my father, I have worked through the hatred and anger I used to feel for him and now I feel nothing towards him. However, my mother is a different story. I know she was in an awful situation herself but I was the child. I feel like she never protected me. I feel abandoned by her. There were numerous occasions where different family members came and offered to help us but she refused, choosing to keep both herself and me in that woeful situation. Because of the trauma, I now have some problems with separation anxiety and trust in my own relationships, which I am slowly trying to work on.
I often wondered at different times in the last 13 years what became of my mother. Usually these feelings would haunt me around Xmas and birthdays, times when everyone else would be happy only serve to remind me further about the traumatic holidays I would spend locked in my bedroom.
I have never had any contact with her and have had little desire of it. I would be afraid that the only thing I would be able to ask her is WHY. I don't know if she's still with my father or not. The problem is, I bumped into a distant relative by chance recently and they told me that she wanted to make contact with me. The relative didn't elaborate any further or look for my reaction, it was more of a heads up just to warn me in case she did contact me. I'm a bit all over the place thinking about it since, I don't know if it would be a good idea to speak to her seeing as I have nothing good to say to her. Should I just ignore my mother if she turns up? Apart from anything else, I certainly have no intention of giving her another chance to be in my life full time.
