Can't stop crying

[SilentNinja]

I've been emailing one of the high up people in my karate. He's not my coach but teaches in Provanmill Glasgow. He is a 8th Dan and very very wise, understanding and cares about everyone, he will go out his way to help anyone. He really inspires me. Anyway have been emailing him and talking about my AvPD because classes stress me out, anyway i visited his club last night and he looked after me, however he asked everyone a question, he took me away and explained stuff about my fears and said i want to you try say one word when i ask you, even just say "good" but if not just put your hands in front of you and i wont ask, so we goes back in the group and it finally comes to me, i couldn't put my hands out i thought it would look stupid and the room was silent... i tried to say good but it didn't come out, and after what seemed like 5 minutes he said Good for me and moved on. I then got shaky and burst out crying i had to get out the room. Then at work today i wanted to ask my boss something but i couldn't. I have been crying all day Ive been to 5 psychs, and done everything, and i STILL CANT SPEAK. Help me someone whats wrong with me

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: Cant stop crying

YOu have an illness hun that is it I hope you have been talking to your doctor to get on medication and some therapy to help you to talk in social outings It will happen with practice with therapy you will be able to talk hun. I just started on meds for anxiety they help so i hope you can to

 

[SilentNinja]

I dont know what illness.. why cant i say one little word in front of people i know for 2 years. when i was on meds before it didnt help me talk to people or be around people. I want to get better... its not that im not trying.... i really am.. but it gets worse not better the more i try. Whats wrong with me :,( im so upset just now

 

[MHealthJo]

Sorry you are so sad Ninja.

Your illness is a tricky one.

I believe though that maybe if you met a therapist who was very specialised in treating it, I think you could get there......?

For example, maybe trying to talk like you did was not exactly the right step at the right time? Like maybe when you find the best person to treat this specially, maybe they will get you to do smaller things first. Like just look at a person's face for a few seconds then build it up. Or walk from the car into a store just for a few seconds and build it up. know what I mean?

They would also give you lots of CBT at the same time and try to find a way to change negative beliefs you have. It would be a complex process.

I am real proud that you tried to speak though! And I felt the same way about your test trip! You went even though you had heard there was gonna be a situation you thought you couldnt do!

Maybe you are at that point where if you DID meet the right therapist soon, maybe soon it would be the right timing for you? Maybe other times you were just not ready.

 

[forgetmenot]

yup small steps hun at a time right. i was told just say hi to one person i meet a day just hi it is a start hun
You can improve with right therapist hun you can

 

[MHealthJo]

Actually that gave me an idea!

Since the talking is so hard....

Why not start with one smaller form of communication where you don't need to make sound - a smile?

It doesn't even have to be a GOOD smile. Just a mere pulling out the corners of your mouth. Just your basic cant-really-be-bothered 'Hi' closed-mouthed smile.

(obviously you would have to build up from other stuff first. Like practise getting out of the car, walking into a store like a pharmacy or drugstore. just two seconds. then pretend you forgot your wallet, and turn straight around and back in the car. Phew! Then build up to like a fast walk through, doing the same thing. CBT from a good specialist will help you deal with the imaginations of what you think people are thinking, and learn to change them.)

But after that, you can build up to just a tiny smile at the drugstore lady, just one second.... you can get the smile ready before you see her.

a) its safer because she's just a random stranger. she doesn't know you so if she doesn't smile back, it MUST be about her, NOT you.

b)she should be trained to return little hello smiles. So that will normally happen. That can increase your bravery and give positive reinforcement.

c) If she doesn't, it can be a safe practise of all the things you need to think when that happens - that she was too busy or distracted with her work that moment, or having a bad day,or whatever.

You can build on each leetle step. It really does work.....

Get a specialist in social anxiety and AvPD to help you hun, and to teach you CBT stuff. If you want to learn from some books too or try that first, to change your thinking, David Burns has books with info aimed at extremely, extremely shy and self-conscious people..... and the terrible strong STRONG belief of failure and of not being good enough, and of something being 'wrong' with you, and stuff. As well as the physical anxious symptoms too...

Thinking of ya mate.

 

[SilentNinja]

Thank you for the replies. I really appreciate it! I read them all a few times.

I just got my appointment through today its on the 23rd April its not a pychaitrist this time though it says on my letter an occupational theripist ? What is that? Will they assess me again?
I need talk more about my AvPD and Schizotypal ( try and talk ) i might just write everything down.

Any advice for my appointment? Im really scared! Thanks!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The occupational therapist will likely be someone who can help you with more practical skills for managing your anxiety better in interactions with other people. That might be a good step for you.

 

[MHealthJo]

My advice is just to really really remember that the person is there to really try and understand your thoughts and feelings.... and to never, ever judge. So that whatever you think and feel is okay....

...so that you are able to share it honestly and fully, so that they can help you. Try to trust and decide, in your mind, that they are not judging you, ever.....

Yes.... maybe letting them know that giving and receiving info through the written word, might be a way to get you engaged at first...?

You just keep trucking Ninja...

 

[eva]

Fear happens, and I'm so sorry for the trouble you've been having with yours, Ninja. It sounds hard! But you're taking the right steps to manage and understand yourself, and that is great.

I can understand how you feel - sometimes, your fear and sadness is overwhelming to the point where you can't explain it, or even function at your usual levels. It sucks a lot. But try not to be ashamed or too hard on yourself because then you'll make your situation even more difficult.

Just take things one step at a time and focus on today.