David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Caring for Family, Caring for Yourself
By JANE E. BRODY, New York Times
November 18, 2008
Whether you choose to be a family caregiver or the job is thrust upon you by circumstances, your most important responsibility beyond caring for your ill or disabled relative is caring for yourself.
Too often, family caregivers are reluctant to ?abandon? their patients, even temporarily, or entrust others with their care. But a caregiver should not feel guilty about looking out for No. 1.
Self-care is not a selfish act. It?s an essential act, because a caregiver who burns out, who becomes overly stressed, exhausted or ill, is no help to anyone. There are many ways for caregivers to protect their physical and emotional health, and a growing number of organizations that can help. Sometimes all you need to do is ask.
Avoiding Burnout
While people who work for a living typically get lunch breaks, coffee breaks and weeks of vacation, a family caregiver has no such respite built into the job. Yet it would take a superhuman to meet the demands of caregiving 24 hours a day for any length of time without breaking down.
Here are some ways to protect against caregiver burnout, including suggestions by groups like Strength for Caring and the Family Caregiver Alliance:
Finding Outside Help
As with any task, being prepared for the unexpected as a family caregiver can go a long way toward success. You don?t want to find yourself like Mrs. R., who cared for her dying husband but was never told what to do if a problem or troubling symptom arose.
Start by asking the patient?s doctors and nurses for guidance about the expected course of the illness or injury and what resources will help you cope. Ask what medical and practical devices might be helpful ? a special toilet seat or commode, for example, or a wheelchair, ramp, hospital bed or feeding equipment.
Inquire, too, about community-provided transportation, like New York?s Access-a-Ride, that can provide free or low-cost door-to-door service to and from medical appointments.
Ask friends and neighbors for help with tasks like household chores, home repairs and paying bills. Make a list of everything that needs to be done and when, and match tasks that can be farmed out with people capable of doing them.
A neighbor might be willing to take out your garbage or bundle your recycling. Another parent might be able to take your children or grandchildren to school and pick them up after school. Perhaps a relative or friend with woodworking expertise could build a ramp for the patient?s wheelchair. Most people are happy to help those in need, so don?t be shy about asking and don?t refuse help when it is offered.
Another approach to helping family caregivers was pioneered by a group called Lotsa Helping Hands. In partnership with dozens of national nonprofit organizations, this group provides a free service for family caregivers by bringing together community members who can help with meals, rides, errands, childcare and other activities of daily living, Barry Katz, its co-founder and president, wrote in Voices of Caregiving, a new book by The Healing Project.
You might also consult one or more of the many helpful books on caregiving that have been published in recent years, including the American Medical Association Guide to Home Caregiving (John Wiley & Sons, 2001).
By JANE E. BRODY, New York Times
November 18, 2008
Whether you choose to be a family caregiver or the job is thrust upon you by circumstances, your most important responsibility beyond caring for your ill or disabled relative is caring for yourself.
Too often, family caregivers are reluctant to ?abandon? their patients, even temporarily, or entrust others with their care. But a caregiver should not feel guilty about looking out for No. 1.
Self-care is not a selfish act. It?s an essential act, because a caregiver who burns out, who becomes overly stressed, exhausted or ill, is no help to anyone. There are many ways for caregivers to protect their physical and emotional health, and a growing number of organizations that can help. Sometimes all you need to do is ask.
Avoiding Burnout
While people who work for a living typically get lunch breaks, coffee breaks and weeks of vacation, a family caregiver has no such respite built into the job. Yet it would take a superhuman to meet the demands of caregiving 24 hours a day for any length of time without breaking down.
Here are some ways to protect against caregiver burnout, including suggestions by groups like Strength for Caring and the Family Caregiver Alliance:
- Arrange for an evening or afternoon out one or more times a week. Ask a relative or friend to fill in for you. If you have a cellphone, you can always be reached if a problem arises that requires your know-how.
- If it is very difficult to get out, invite people over to talk, knit, crochet, have tea, cook, play bridge, work on a jigsaw puzzle, read a play, discuss a book ? anything you might enjoy that can be done at home.
- Pamper yourself by taking time to relax for a small part of every day. Take a warm bath, read a good book, watch a favorite program.
- If there is someone who can take over as caregiver for a longer period, or if you can afford to hire a respite worker, arrange a weekend or week away occasionally.
- Factor regular exercise into your caregiving responsibilities to help maintain your physical and mental stamina. If you cannot leave the house to exercise, buy, borrow or rent indoor exercise equipment or get exercise videos and work out in front of the television.
- Eat regular, nutritious meals. Groceries and restaurant meals can be ordered by phone and delivered to your door. Prepare large recipes of favorite dishes that can be frozen in individual portions and reheated. Think main-dish soups and stews. Consider asking friends, neighbors or nearby relatives to each supply a meal a week or, if there are enough cooks in the vicinity, a meal a month.
- Keep wholesome snacks and drinks on hand, like fresh and dried fruit, yogurt, nuts and nut butters, cut-up vegetables, low-fat cheese, hummus, fruit and vegetable juices and herbal teas.
- Don?t cheat on your sleep. If the person you care for awakens you or keeps you up during the night, be sure to take naps when the patient does. If anxiety disrupts your sleep, ask your doctor about medication that can help you get the rest you need. Or try an over-the-counter remedy like melatonin or valerian or a glass of warm milk before bed.
- Don?t neglect your own health care, including flu shots, dental checkups and cleanings, mammograms and routine physicals. If you have trouble remembering to take your own medications and supplements, use a Monday-through-Sunday pill container or a daily checklist. Don?t postpone a doctor visit if you develop a worrisome symptom.
- Heed the signs of depression. Take it seriously if you become unduly irritable; cry over minor upsets or nothing at all; feel overwhelmed or helpless; lose your appetite; cease enjoying things that used to give you pleasure; or find yourself sleeping too little or too much. Sometimes just talking things over with a trusted friend or someone who has also been a caregiver can bring relief. But don?t be afraid to seek professional counseling.
- Consider joining a caregiver support group. If there is none in your area or you are unable to get out to one, try an online support group. Nearly every problem you might encounter as a caregiver has been experienced and solved by others. You should not have to reinvent the wheel. A Web search for ?caregiver support group? will lead to links to organizations like the National Family Caregivers Association and its Community Action Network, and the Family Caregiver Alliance and its online support group.
Finding Outside Help
As with any task, being prepared for the unexpected as a family caregiver can go a long way toward success. You don?t want to find yourself like Mrs. R., who cared for her dying husband but was never told what to do if a problem or troubling symptom arose.
Start by asking the patient?s doctors and nurses for guidance about the expected course of the illness or injury and what resources will help you cope. Ask what medical and practical devices might be helpful ? a special toilet seat or commode, for example, or a wheelchair, ramp, hospital bed or feeding equipment.
Inquire, too, about community-provided transportation, like New York?s Access-a-Ride, that can provide free or low-cost door-to-door service to and from medical appointments.
Ask friends and neighbors for help with tasks like household chores, home repairs and paying bills. Make a list of everything that needs to be done and when, and match tasks that can be farmed out with people capable of doing them.
A neighbor might be willing to take out your garbage or bundle your recycling. Another parent might be able to take your children or grandchildren to school and pick them up after school. Perhaps a relative or friend with woodworking expertise could build a ramp for the patient?s wheelchair. Most people are happy to help those in need, so don?t be shy about asking and don?t refuse help when it is offered.
Another approach to helping family caregivers was pioneered by a group called Lotsa Helping Hands. In partnership with dozens of national nonprofit organizations, this group provides a free service for family caregivers by bringing together community members who can help with meals, rides, errands, childcare and other activities of daily living, Barry Katz, its co-founder and president, wrote in Voices of Caregiving, a new book by The Healing Project.
You might also consult one or more of the many helpful books on caregiving that have been published in recent years, including the American Medical Association Guide to Home Caregiving (John Wiley & Sons, 2001).
