Checking in

[adaptive1]

Hey Guys

I have been consumed with my job lately so I havent really had time to check in with you guys very much. It's nice to check in and see whats going on here with everyone and when I read my old posts, it reminds me how far I have come in the last few years. This is one of the few places where I have ever been honest about what is going on in my life.

Lately I am feeling a little off balance, I worked really hard at work this year and my annual performance review was just ok and it made me wonder why or who I am working all these hours for. Is it for me, or for them, or just to fill up my time? I don't know the answers. Maybe I work all the hours so I don't have to take a real look at my life sometimes.

The main issue I have been having lately is around eating. I just dont want to, it isn't in a depressed I have lost my appetite way. It is more of a feeling like if I get to a cetain weight I can transform my life kind of delusional thinking idea. It just feels like in my life, nothing is good enough. I work hard at work and it isn't good enough for them so I work harder and I put in more hours, I try to eat healthy and exercise and I can't look the way I want, so now I feel like if I eat as little as possible maybe that will work. If I just work harder and do more, will it get me to where I want to be, where ever that is. But it doesnt and maybe because I dont know where I want to be. I know losing weight isnt the answer, but I dont know what is. It is five o'clock and I am siting here worrying about what I could eat for dinner or if I shoudl eat dinner. I dont want to cook anything there is a chance I will over eat it.

I guess I need to stop and regroup and figure out what is really going on with me and ask myself what this is really about. Thanks for letting me get this out in writing.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi welcome back hun I just want to say that if you stop eating hun t here is a chance you may even gain more weight because your body will store the carbohydrates as it knows it will need them so starving oneself does not mean you will lose weight initially The best way to do that is to talk to a nutritionalist who can fit a diet to your lifestyle
Not eating will only cause more harm hun then good

 

[Cat Dancer]

It's good to hear from you. I hope you can get the eating thing worked out. Take care.

 

[adaptive1]

Thanks guys, I am ok, kind of realized after I wrote this that when ever I feel like I am unhappy in my life, I go to dieting. I guess somehow it gives me a sense of purpose and a feeling that I have achieved something and it is something that I can control and feel accepted over. But it isn't real or lasting. Should have been obvious to me that I was doing this but it really wasnt until I thought about it some more. Thanks for listening. I need to come by more often.

 

[Cat Dancer]

It is good you got insight about this. And do come by more often.