David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Children Who Steal
Tue, Jan 15, 2008
By Robert Needlman, M.D.
I got a call today from a very worried mom: Her son had started stealing. He's a 12 year old boy (I'll call him Danny) who is smart, curious, and good-hearted. He also has ADHD.
I've known Danny for years. When I first met him, he was vaulting onto the table in a tiny exam room in our clinic. He would run three steps, throw himself into the air, and crash onto the padding. It was hard to get him to sit still for a minute. When he finally slowed down, it was to tell me a whole lot about something he was interested in (was it cars or dinosaurs?) Along with high energy, Danny had a lot of information. He loved learning things, just not always what the teachers wanted him to.
Danny's father had been the same way when he was young. Back then, he was just considered wild. He'd dropped out of school, taken drugs, and made a mess of his life. Then he cleaned up his act, met a good woman, and settled down. He was a gentle, steady, and concerned father. He didn't want his son to follow in his footsteps.
That was a few years ago. With hard work by his parents and teachers, and with hefty doses of medication, Danny had come a long way. He was able to come to the clinic without jumping on anything. He was doing well in school - not as well as he might have, given his high IQ - but not failing either. For the most part, he was behaving himself, too, at home and at school.
Then I got this call. Danny had taken some money from his mother's purse. Rather than try to hide it, he had talked openly about how loaded he was, then made up some weak story about how he'd saved up the money. It took his mom about 30 seconds to see through the lie.
A little before that, he'd been caught taking extra food from school. There were two or three single-serving boxes of cereal in his room. This wasn't grand theft coco-puffs, but it was still taking something that wasn't his. And there was another similar episode, taking stuff at home that he should have left alone. His parents were worried.
Stealing is frightening. Parents easily connect the dots from the first pilfered cookie to the first stolen car, then to twenty years behind bars. Stealing seems like proof of poor morals, of bad upbringing, or maybe of deep psychological trouble. But it isn't always so.
Often, children take things just because they want to. The things are there, the desire flares up, and the children simply give in. Or rather, the internal brakes that normally hold a child back aren't strong enough to stop the impulse from becoming an action.
This failure of internal control happens often to children with ADHD. In fact, weak control systems lie at the heart of the disorder. A child with ADHD goes into a candy store, sees something he wants, and pops it into his pocket. He doesn't plan ahead, look around, wait for the right moment. No, he pops the candy into his pocket with the store clerk standing two feet away! Kids with ADHD make lousy thieves.
Danny has never been a bad kid, and he didn't suddenly become one. But the urge to take is strong, and his internal controls weren't up to the challenge. What he needs now are consequences, small punishments that fit his crimes. And he needs to learn that there are better ways to get the things you want. He has to learn the good feeling that comes with working for something, then paying for it with a good conscience. I hope we have a snowy winter this year: Danny needs to do a whole lot of shoveling.
Tue, Jan 15, 2008
By Robert Needlman, M.D.
I got a call today from a very worried mom: Her son had started stealing. He's a 12 year old boy (I'll call him Danny) who is smart, curious, and good-hearted. He also has ADHD.
I've known Danny for years. When I first met him, he was vaulting onto the table in a tiny exam room in our clinic. He would run three steps, throw himself into the air, and crash onto the padding. It was hard to get him to sit still for a minute. When he finally slowed down, it was to tell me a whole lot about something he was interested in (was it cars or dinosaurs?) Along with high energy, Danny had a lot of information. He loved learning things, just not always what the teachers wanted him to.
Danny's father had been the same way when he was young. Back then, he was just considered wild. He'd dropped out of school, taken drugs, and made a mess of his life. Then he cleaned up his act, met a good woman, and settled down. He was a gentle, steady, and concerned father. He didn't want his son to follow in his footsteps.
That was a few years ago. With hard work by his parents and teachers, and with hefty doses of medication, Danny had come a long way. He was able to come to the clinic without jumping on anything. He was doing well in school - not as well as he might have, given his high IQ - but not failing either. For the most part, he was behaving himself, too, at home and at school.
Then I got this call. Danny had taken some money from his mother's purse. Rather than try to hide it, he had talked openly about how loaded he was, then made up some weak story about how he'd saved up the money. It took his mom about 30 seconds to see through the lie.
A little before that, he'd been caught taking extra food from school. There were two or three single-serving boxes of cereal in his room. This wasn't grand theft coco-puffs, but it was still taking something that wasn't his. And there was another similar episode, taking stuff at home that he should have left alone. His parents were worried.
Stealing is frightening. Parents easily connect the dots from the first pilfered cookie to the first stolen car, then to twenty years behind bars. Stealing seems like proof of poor morals, of bad upbringing, or maybe of deep psychological trouble. But it isn't always so.
Often, children take things just because they want to. The things are there, the desire flares up, and the children simply give in. Or rather, the internal brakes that normally hold a child back aren't strong enough to stop the impulse from becoming an action.
This failure of internal control happens often to children with ADHD. In fact, weak control systems lie at the heart of the disorder. A child with ADHD goes into a candy store, sees something he wants, and pops it into his pocket. He doesn't plan ahead, look around, wait for the right moment. No, he pops the candy into his pocket with the store clerk standing two feet away! Kids with ADHD make lousy thieves.
Danny has never been a bad kid, and he didn't suddenly become one. But the urge to take is strong, and his internal controls weren't up to the challenge. What he needs now are consequences, small punishments that fit his crimes. And he needs to learn that there are better ways to get the things you want. He has to learn the good feeling that comes with working for something, then paying for it with a good conscience. I hope we have a snowy winter this year: Danny needs to do a whole lot of shoveling.
