Choosing the less of two evils

[kelsischanging]

I have a problem (obviously ) I am a recovering cutter and a recovering cocaine addict...I don't know what to do...I am struggling sooooo bad I don't know what to do....I feel like falling back on one of my old behaviors but it's like what's worse cutting or using...I don't want to relapse w/ coke but I'm not sure if it's like a relapse with cutting...it there such a thing...i know this post makes me sound crazy cause I know I what I should be doing to get through my situations w/ out using or cutting but I'm having a hard time caring enough about myself enough to want to do the right thing...thoughts are racing through my mind...my heart rate is up and breathing is hard...I get this feeling all the time and I know that cutting and drugs(not coke cause that's a stimulate)... will relieve all these feelings...it will calm me down...I don't know what's going on w/ me but time is running out for me...

 

[ThatLady]

Re: choosing the less of two evils

What about calling the hospital from which you checked yourself out and seeing if they'll accept your apology and take you back into the program, kels? It sounds to me like you left before you were ready. Perhaps, the doctors were right, luv...

 

[Peanut]

Re: choosing the less of two evils

Hey kels,
I don't have any great advice, I just wanted to tell you that I can relate a lot to what you are saying. I'm always asking myself which is the worse of two (or three or four) evils. I always think, "well I did x today, but at least I didn't do y", etc. And, I must concede that that kind of thinking has never helped me, it has only stressed me out. The hard thing to realize, and I actually didn't think about it like this until I read your post, is that not doing one thing doesn't make the other thing (that you do instead) any better or less harmful. But then I don't know what that leaves us to do. Having been through a program you probably know better than I do. No matter what happens, I have to give you props for even going through the program. That took a lot of courage. I hope that you're able to pull through this and continue with your recovery. It's not worth going back...hopefully somehow you'll be able to convince yourself of that.
I hope you feel better soon, and as I said before, my hat is off to you for what you have already accomplished by recovering in the first place.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I was going to say basically the same thing as ThatLady. Cutting or cocaine are NOT your only two options. You have an NA sponsor and your previous treatment group, and probably others as well.

Cutting or cocaine just seem to be the easiest or most obvious options for you right now because they are familiar. Choose one of the other options this time, kels. You're worth it, you know.