Communicating fear

[gooblax]

Communication frightens me in general, but particularly in an employment sense. Anything to do with 'on-the-job' communication makes me nervous, so I've been avoiding looking for a job where possible. I kind of think that any job that I could possibly do would either have to have no communication requirements, or be at a level that's so basic that there wouldn't be anything that needed to be discussed. I don't even have any skills that could make up for it.

I'm just not sure where to go from here. I prefer to project an image of laziness rather than fear - since it is a combination of those factors - but there's only so long I'll be able to get away with remaining unemployed and not really looking for employment. I don't want to be afraid, but I sure don't want to have to face it time and time again either.

 

[adaptive1]

Your written communications are excellent so I bet your verbal skills are too, you just lack confidence. Could you join a public speaking class to get your confidence up or try taking a job in a retail setting where you are forced to interact with people, after awhile it probably wouldn't bother you quite as much.

 

[forgetmenot]

Unfortunately we have to interact with people hun and like you i was so afraid of everyone still am but i got into a field that like stated forced me to have to deal with people converse and it does get easier hun .

Sooner you start the better hun. I took a course that help me be able to talk infront of people and it did help so hopefully you can find a course that will give you confidence you need hun to succeed. The fear always seems to be there but with skills taught to you you can put that fear aside until you get what needs to be accomplished done. hugs

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think the idea of taking some kind of public speaking class is a good one. Have you tried that? I wish I had in college. I took some kind of interpersonal communication class which didn't help me with my social phobias. I think a public speaking class would have helped me so much.

 

[gooblax]

Thanks guys. I do agree that a public speaking course might help, but I'm out of school now and I'm not sure of how I could find one that I could attend without my family knowing about it. I've thought that maybe a retail job would be good practice, but although some companies have online application forms, they apparently don't bother with anyone that doesn't apply in-person.

Guess I'll have to be a bit more proactive at some point.

 

[Retired]

I'm out of school now and I'm not sure of how I could find one that I could attend without my family knowing about it.

Have I missed something? As an adult, why does your family's knowing about something like taking a public speaking course affect your choice to improve yourself? Do you feel your family has constraints on the life choices you make?

For Example: Toastmasters International, Australia Chapter

 

[forgetmenot]

I would think hun your family would support your choice to improve your life postion. The course i took was through my church it was to help people be more assertive less withdrawn Is there a course in your community that provides such a course I know there are anxiety classes that one can attend that are free to community here. YOu do what is best for you ok your family will and be supportive of everything that helps you to move forward in a postive way. hugs

 

[gooblax]

Have I missed something? As an adult, why does your family's knowing about something like taking a public speaking course affect your choice to improve yourself? Do you feel your family has constraints on the life choices you make?

By giving my immediate family that information, I know it will be circulated through extended family and my parents' friends as well. I don't want people to talk about me (be it good, bad or neutral), because next time I see them they then have a topic to bring up which I invariably will not want to talk about.

Is there a course in your community that provides such a course I know there are anxiety classes that one can attend that are free to community here.

I did a bit of a search for courses/groups, but I think Steve's suggestion of a Toastmasters club was probably the best of what I saw. There's one within walking distance, so all that's left are whatever excuses I can come up with as to why it's more comfortable not to do anything about it. :facepalm:

I guess as a task for today, I'll try asking my brother if he'd be interested in coming with me to check it out next week (and if not, maybe I'll see if my mum wants to... Maybe).

 

[Wolverine]

I have fear of communicating too,i mean maybe sometimes i want to ask a question to anybody or go into a shop and ask the price of something but i really sometimes can't do that simple thing and i'm blocking my self,turn around and leave back.What kind of shyness is that??
:facepalm::facepalm:

 

[Katieann]

Well... I'm not a therapist, but it sounds like social anxiety.... but that can be natural for certain ages - do you mind telling your age? That can get better with practice... I did see a course one time for people with self assertion difficulties. Then again, stores can be very difficult with the "retail mentality" of the salesclerks. They can be impersonal and rude - or aggressive and intimidating.

Hey... it's not always you!

Take Heart...:love_heart::love_heart::love_heart: Hey... take three....

 

[MHealthJo]

Best wishes Gooblax... You'll get there. Very tough to push past that avoidance urge isn't it.

As for me, I was pretty terrified of a lot of things until I was 15, and then I started a Saturday job as a checkout cashier. Boy was I miserable before each shift, for a pretty long time - uncomfortable about various things while being trained too. But boy, it really did make a major difference for me in lots of ways. There's certainly something to be said for throwing yourself off the deep end, when you are ready to go ahead.

 

[Katieann]

Forot to mention Developmental Drama Classes... there are many actors that are actually rather shy/introverted as people... acting allows them to "be" somebody else and express themselves... as an experiment... you could practice secretly being (whatever is age appropriate... Justin Bieber... Brad Pitt...
but it's all inside - you don't have to say so - you just know inside for the time you're in the store -

I'd pick Albert Einstein - and I'm a 59 year old lady... lol:teapot:

 

[SilentNinja]

Hey Wolverine.. i am the exact same.. i have avpd.. i cant go into shops, use public transport or speak to anyone apart from family or people ive known since i was little. The thing is the more i do something youd think id get better,,, but the more i do something it makes me worse. I know you you feel

 

[Wolverine]

I can't talk to the phone when people are around me,i avoid to ask or talk people anything.I'm trying to hide,feel strange and weird.

 

[Wolverine]

I avoid known people everywhere,i turn next road cause don't want to meet them face to face,i'm trying to hide myself from recognize me,leaving from home when someone relative coming for visit and waiting out for hours to go back again.How you understand this situation?
:facepalm:

 

[Budoaiki]

Wolverine,

Is there something in paticular that you are anxious about when interacting with others?

Like a certain subject matter that may come up or perhapse something that has happened in the past that might be causing you to feel this way?

Have you sought therapy for these feelings and how long have you been having them?

 

[Wolverine]

Particular? Εmotions of inferiority because i haven't done in my life things that other people in the same age or younger than me,normal people around me have done,like studies,get work and make their money,have a relationship,get their car and drive,have fun with friends or to have friends that care for you,to be social and not afraid to meet other people cause you may think they will judge you negative,to believe in yourself and doing things you really make you happy,all that kind of stupid complexes.

I have stupid complexes i can't overcome.I don't have done any therapy,i have these feelings 6-7 years,after high school,i left alone without friends,i failed to my studies,i gave up,i realized that for simple things i must tried more times from others to succeed,i don't have emotional support from family/parents because they can't understand how i feel all these years,so it was easy to be isolated,not like to be in social places,i couldn't feel comfortable if you know what i mean,i was ashamed to see other people have a normal life(of course everybody have their problems) and me not.

 

[gooblax]

Wolverine, I think that in that case, you need to try and just block out the thoughts about what other people are comfortable with and focus on things that you might be able to challenge yourself with. Start small with something that doesn't involve too much interaction, and then build up from there.

When I started this thread a year ago, I was afraid of having a job because it would require interaction. Now I've got a job and although I struggle with small talk and sometimes freeze up when I realise I'm going to have to talk to someone, most of the time it's ok. It wasn't a jump from "frightened" to "sort of okay" for work situations; it was a gradual process of pushing myself to do things that were scary at the time, but the more I tried them, the easier it became. Turns out that the advice everyone was giving me was actually correct. :yup:

You can still work towards doing the things you want to do. Just take it gradually and try not to get overwhelmed with trying to tackle everything at once. Also, seeing a psychologist would be good practise for socialising if you get the chance.

 

[Budoaiki]

Wolverine,

Have you spoken to your doctor or any members of your family about this and is therapy something you might consider trying?

There are many different techniques and approaches to deal with anxiety.Was there a specific event when this began as you said you've felt this way for 6-7 years or was this a gradual change?

What differences do you notice in how you see yourself now compared to how you saw yourself before this began?

Are there any activaties social or otherwise where these feelings aren't so strong?