stargazer
Member
Again, I'm not sure where this thread belongs. I was looking for a "co-dependency thread." My daughter's recent situation is affecting me. I'm not sure to what extent I must detach, and to what extent I must be involved.
Here is the situation. Her best friend Justin died Friday before last. She had thrown a party for all her friends when her roommate was out of town. He arrived and became very drunk. She described him as being more drunk than he had ever been. So they put him to bed (in her room), and when they went to check on him about an hour later, he was dead.
The police are suspecting foul play, in that it is rumoured that a friend of a friend was passing out prescription drugs that might have interacted with the alcohol. The coroner's report has not yet come through.
Justin drove Echo to work and/or school every morning, whichever came first, and gave her her morning coffee when he arrived. He called her every night to see if she was okay. She naturally is devastated.
However, she has not gone to work since then, or to school. In fact, she has not even gone into her bedroom. She says she can't bear to go into the room where he died. As a result, she has not changed her clothes for eight days.
She calls me uncharacteristically early in the morning, before she would ever usually call. Then, if I try to call back after 10am, I get a message that the Mobile customer is not answering. I also notice that she is on her MySpace quite a bit more often than usual.
In her last call, although she did not ask me specifically for money, she requested that I contact my brother and sister and ask them for money. At first, feeling her pain, I agreed. Then later I thought that in our culture, the death of a friend does not usually suggest giving money to the bereaved.
Finally, my friend Jim called and when he heard the data, he said: "She's probably drinking a lot."
With that in my head, I've been pretty much a wreck. I remember now that at the initial gathering, she said: "I'm going to get drunk!" At certain times, she has confessed to me that he "main problem is alcohol," and at other times, if I bring it up, she says: "Alcohol? What do you mean? I've got that under control!"
Of course, I don't know that she's on a drunk, but things are pointing in that direction. Does anyone have some detailed advice? I prayed about it, and reflected, and realized that I need to detach at least to the extent that I do not forsake my self-care. In other words, I didn't abandon my three-mile run this evening, and I have been taking my medication. I'm drinking fruit juices, sleeping, eating, and so forth.
But I wonder what I can do for my daughter?
Here is the situation. Her best friend Justin died Friday before last. She had thrown a party for all her friends when her roommate was out of town. He arrived and became very drunk. She described him as being more drunk than he had ever been. So they put him to bed (in her room), and when they went to check on him about an hour later, he was dead.
The police are suspecting foul play, in that it is rumoured that a friend of a friend was passing out prescription drugs that might have interacted with the alcohol. The coroner's report has not yet come through.
Justin drove Echo to work and/or school every morning, whichever came first, and gave her her morning coffee when he arrived. He called her every night to see if she was okay. She naturally is devastated.
However, she has not gone to work since then, or to school. In fact, she has not even gone into her bedroom. She says she can't bear to go into the room where he died. As a result, she has not changed her clothes for eight days.
She calls me uncharacteristically early in the morning, before she would ever usually call. Then, if I try to call back after 10am, I get a message that the Mobile customer is not answering. I also notice that she is on her MySpace quite a bit more often than usual.
In her last call, although she did not ask me specifically for money, she requested that I contact my brother and sister and ask them for money. At first, feeling her pain, I agreed. Then later I thought that in our culture, the death of a friend does not usually suggest giving money to the bereaved.
Finally, my friend Jim called and when he heard the data, he said: "She's probably drinking a lot."
With that in my head, I've been pretty much a wreck. I remember now that at the initial gathering, she said: "I'm going to get drunk!" At certain times, she has confessed to me that he "main problem is alcohol," and at other times, if I bring it up, she says: "Alcohol? What do you mean? I've got that under control!"
Of course, I don't know that she's on a drunk, but things are pointing in that direction. Does anyone have some detailed advice? I prayed about it, and reflected, and realized that I need to detach at least to the extent that I do not forsake my self-care. In other words, I didn't abandon my three-mile run this evening, and I have been taking my medication. I'm drinking fruit juices, sleeping, eating, and so forth.
But I wonder what I can do for my daughter?
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