stargazer
Member
Well, she finally called me last night, and again just a couple minutes ago. We're going to get together later on this evening after she gets some work done, since after all this is Father's Day. She has free tix to some movies in Berkeley.
We talked everything out yesterday. She had perceived me as insensitive to the feelings she was having after her friend died. I, on the other hand, was having trouble knowing how to be supportive. She was in such an uncommon state of mind, everything I said seemed to be twisted and taken wrong, and I became frustrated. She said she hadn't called because she was hurt and angry, and also she figured it was best that we don't talk for a while. Then she said she called yesterday after having decided that she didn't want to stay mad anymore, even though she was actually still mad. She started to think that if she and I were to talk, it might end her hurt and anger; whereas beforehand, she had been thinking that if she and I were to talk, her hurt and anger would be increased.
She sounds a lot better than she did a month ago. She took incompletes in all her classes (she was taking six classes) but went back to work at both her jobs. She's not going to school in the summer, but will enroll again in the Fall. She decided she needed to work to pay the bills, and school could wait anyway.
I think David was right that she was "punishing" me, because when the phrase came up while we were talking things out, she reacted in a certain way as though realizing that this was, on some level, what she had been doing.
The only bad part of the conversation was that she said she had already been going to grief counseling when she got a message from me "demanding" that she go. I hadn't thought I was demanding, but I knew I was freaking out. I probably came across as demanding. I don't really understand why she didn't just tell me she'd gone to counseling, since she'd have known that would have been a relief to me.
All in all, I think I was a little insensitive. I learned of her friend's death about five minutes after I'd moved in to my apartment in San Francisco. I was preoccupied trying to adapt to my new job and living situation, and I wasn't very empathetic, unfortunately.
I told her I thought maybe our relationship needs to change, and we discussed that a little bit -- but this post is getting kind of long. I'm just glad she's speaking to me again.
We talked everything out yesterday. She had perceived me as insensitive to the feelings she was having after her friend died. I, on the other hand, was having trouble knowing how to be supportive. She was in such an uncommon state of mind, everything I said seemed to be twisted and taken wrong, and I became frustrated. She said she hadn't called because she was hurt and angry, and also she figured it was best that we don't talk for a while. Then she said she called yesterday after having decided that she didn't want to stay mad anymore, even though she was actually still mad. She started to think that if she and I were to talk, it might end her hurt and anger; whereas beforehand, she had been thinking that if she and I were to talk, her hurt and anger would be increased.
She sounds a lot better than she did a month ago. She took incompletes in all her classes (she was taking six classes) but went back to work at both her jobs. She's not going to school in the summer, but will enroll again in the Fall. She decided she needed to work to pay the bills, and school could wait anyway.
I think David was right that she was "punishing" me, because when the phrase came up while we were talking things out, she reacted in a certain way as though realizing that this was, on some level, what she had been doing.
The only bad part of the conversation was that she said she had already been going to grief counseling when she got a message from me "demanding" that she go. I hadn't thought I was demanding, but I knew I was freaking out. I probably came across as demanding. I don't really understand why she didn't just tell me she'd gone to counseling, since she'd have known that would have been a relief to me.
All in all, I think I was a little insensitive. I learned of her friend's death about five minutes after I'd moved in to my apartment in San Francisco. I was preoccupied trying to adapt to my new job and living situation, and I wasn't very empathetic, unfortunately.
I told her I thought maybe our relationship needs to change, and we discussed that a little bit -- but this post is getting kind of long. I'm just glad she's speaking to me again.
