Confused about therapist

[davis]

Almost a year ago I began seeing a new psychiatrist/psychoanalyst. I had been in therapy before and after five years decided to take a break.

I was very fond of my past therapist and of the psychiatrists that worked alongside us to help improve my life.
I was able to go back to school, hold a GPA of 3.8 and found two jobs I really loved. I got married and felt confident with the direction I was headed. But after 5 years my husband left and I fell apart. My father who works at out local hospital thought it would help me to see the new psychiatrist heading up our psychiatric ward.

At first things were okay. He helped me feel comfortable and went at my pace. He went out of his way to help me when he really didn't have to, I believe as a favor to my father. But as time passed his technique seemed to change. He would "jokingly" call me crazy. Tell me on a scale of normal to "sick" I was on the sicker side. He basically began to make me feel that everything I felt was abnormal. When I spoke about men and not having a "type" he said I did..."losers".

One day he told me that he wouldn't see me unless I gave my full permission to have him disclose information about our sessions with my father who happens to be one of the big bosses of the hospital he worked at. I felt deceived that he was doing this before I even gave permission. I'm 30 years old and felt that wasn't appropriate. But reluctantly agreed. I still don't know why. My father said he didn't feel the need to even know my private info. I really began to feel like I was leverage because I was the bosses daughter.I feel he played games with prescribing medication. One week he'd be willing to prescribe to me and the next he would tell me he felt I was too emotional. How could I be too emotional? I was in the middle of a nasty divorce after my husband up and left. How else was I supposed to be?

I felt like this man took my private feelings and used them against me. For instance, knowing as a little girl I felt there was something wrong with me because I was adopted and my siblings weren't. And him telling me there was something wrong with me. I began feeling confused and depressed. He explained psychoanalysis was a different kind of therapy so I kept thinking maybe the things he was saying were going to help me somehow.

Recently I made a mistake in mispronouncing a medication my medical doctor put me on. I meant to say celebrex but said Cymbalta and he literally lost it with me. Telling me he didn't think he had to explain certain things to an "adult patient". The way he was talking to me took me by complete surprise. The way he was saying things really floored me. Insinuating that I was no more responsible than a child. I feel my mistake would have been easily caught had he not yelled at me the way he did. He had me sobbing uncontrollably and began smirking when I would try to explain through my sobs. He acted as if he no longer wanted to see me for treatment.

After I left I found out he went to my fathers office, told him I had a bad session and asked him to make sure I knew he wanted to see me again. I was super confused. I told my father everything and said I wasn't sure I felt emotionally safe to go back. But I ended up returning to try and rationally talk things out.

A week later I found out he was leaving the hospital and moving his practice to a different state. That apparently there had been some "problems".

When I had a breakdown after my husband left and spent a week in the hospital where he's the director of that area I asked him if there were cameras in the bathroom. He said no there in the shower so we can watch you. It was obviously a joke, but I didn't think so at first. He knew before that comment that some things had happened to me with men throughout my life from a very young age. So why would he even "joke" about his being able to watch me shower?

I know many professionals have different techniques and therapy is many times personalized. But something doesn't seem right in my gut.

I'd appreciate any opinions, especially if someone can see something through an angle that may help me understand where he may have been coming from.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: a bit confused

Wow i would be confused too. I don't think it was right that he discussed things with your father god i am sorry he made you feel so bad. I know therapist do things for a purpose but saying what he did about the shower in my opinion is wrong very wrong. I hope you don't judge all therapist by his actions. I hope you can find a therapist who you are comfortable with and can TRUST He made you feel so small why would he do that You are an adult and your information should be kept confidential I hope you can move on and find a therapist who is kind and who you feel comfortable with. These are just my thoughts though as i said therapist do things for a reason maybe he had them but making you cry is not good making you feel inadequate is not good. Now he is gone you can find a different therapist who will perhaps be more compassionate take care.

 

[Andy]

Re: a bit confused

Welcome davis:beer2:

I just read your post and I am absolutely floored! I am sorry to hear of your divorce. I can only imagine how difficult all that is, not only the personal things of the divorce but it can really be like learning how to live all over again, I imagine.

I know your father meant well, but even seeing a pychiatrist in the same Hospital he works in where by the sounds of it, he is higher up, so the shrink may or may not suck up to him, might not be a good idea.

I am so, so sorry you were seeing that person. Obviously there are all type out there. I really get angry when I hear of Dr.s like this. I have met with my own share of Dr.s like this (just to say,all the other Dr.s I have seen have been great whether I liked them or not), but only two that were in the mental health industry and it makes me soooo mad because they are entrusted to a lot of people who are already broken...

I'm not a professional obviously, but this guy sounds like he is a medical narcissist! I don't really even know what a "medical narcissist" is but I called one of the 2 Dr.s that I was talking about, one and ended up in side room for the whole weekend. lol I think I may have hit a nerve.

There is no way that you have to agree to full disclosure to a parent if your an adult and no way that someone can basically use it to bribe you for treatment.
At first read I thought maybe this guy was trying out his sense of humour and sarcasm thinking he was being funny, but maybe the sarcasm wasn't coming out right. There can be funny sarcasm and there can be sarcasm that just comes off as obnoxious. Know what I mean?
After I read that last "cameras in the shower' comment. OMG. That is so wrong. That's not even something an obnoxiously sarcastic would be stupid enough to say. Something is wrong with not only that guys humour ,bed side manner,lack of empathy (which makes me wonder something else) but where did he get his license?! That is not only a horrible thing to even joke about to anyone stuck in a strange place where you can't even lock the doors to bathe, but to a woman, and if he had said that to me I probably would not have showered the rest of the time there as I already have issues with paranoia. This post has me so angry and after reading that my arm and neck hairs have been standing straight up.

Okay. Now that I have expressed my outrage over that. Omg. I am thinking I may come back a address more of that.

I am sure your father was doing what he thought was right for you, and it was meant well, I mean how was he to know this guy was a creep. I really hope this doesn't deter you from getting more help. Like I previuosly said there are like %2 (my made up number) of Dr.s that give a bad name for the rest, so not that this was a good thing, but hopefully you have met your's and can move on to the good ones.
Of course your going to be emotional after a divorce, of course you may be emotional if your talking to...hmmm. I dunno, a PSYCHIATRIST. What an ass. And if he hasn't screwed up a medication name in his life then wow! He is absolutley amazing. Ugh, if he told me the men I "saw" were losers (I am still best friends with all mine) I would have said "True enough, and that is a great suit your wearing today"

Looks like I went back to this again, sorry...I hope I am not scaring you away. I was thinking wow this guys an ass until I read that last part.

Obviously this guy has serious problems, and it sounds like he may be moving around a lot too so that makes me wonder. Is there a medical or psychiatric assocoation you could report this guy to where your at? Honestly I think that is serious enough to report but that's just me, fellow patient. I am in Canada and I had an incident not with a Dr. but with a male psych nurse. Most things I just suck up and let go, I'd rather not deal with all the potential trouble but my friend convinced me that this was to be dealt with. Anyway, I went to the hospital Patient Advocate. I can just say, I would not go to them when your in hospital anyway...

In my opinion this guy doesn't seem right in your gut, because he isn't. I don't think this had anything to do with his therapeutic techniques, I think this was all his personality.

I hope that by how ticked off and shaky this made me for what HE did, that at least you realize that this guy was all wrong and it had nothing to do with you (unless you reminded him of an ex he hates or something lol).

Have you thought of seeing another psychiatrist or even a therapist? I think a therapist, maybe a female therapist (just after all that I mean) would really be helpful with working through your divorce and now with getting past what this dick did, to re trust the good ones.

I really am sorry for babbling at you, hopefully I didn't scare you off.
Welcome to PsychLinks:blush:

 

[Banned]

Welcome, Davis.

I'm so sorry for what you went through with this psychiatrist. Like all professions, there are good ones and bad ones out there. I'm sorry you got a major dud, but I hope it won't discourage you from continuing to seek out someone who is both qualified to treat you and compassionate to your needs.

I'm not sure which country you're in, but the ethics of mental health professionals are pretty universal. Actually, they're not even ethics - they are laws. NOTHING you ever say can be divulged to anyone without your express written consent and that consent is not a blanket consent - you also have the right to specify who they can talk to and specifically about what. That's not an option, it's a law. The only exceptions to this are if there is strong suspicion/evidence of recent or ongoing going abuse to a child or senior, or if you are an immediate threat to yourself or someone else. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like these would apply. If they did, your doctor's option would be to go to either the police or an immediate family member, if he had access to them because you gave him their contact information.

I think, from what you describe, your father was trying to help you by providing this referral, which is commendable. I'm not sure what your dad does at the hospital, but he may not be aware of the intricacies of a therapeutic relationship. There are, unfortunately, some boundary issues that go along with seeing someone that close to your dad and the psychiatrist should have known it. The psychiatrist, working that close to your dad, should have politely declined but perhaps offered a referral elsewhere.

In my experience and observation, psychiatrists aren't always the best ones for talk therapy. Many of them aren't trained in it. They are medical doctors first and foremost and their primary competencies are monitoring and evaluating symptoms, making a diagnosis, and foromulating a treatment plan which usually includes medication.

I sincerely hope you will not give up on therapy. There are some wonderful therapists out there, and this whole experience can be chalked up to learning about the process. With any therapist, it usually takes a couple sessions to feel comfortable. This is like the "shopping around" phase and if you decide someone is not a fit for you, you should move on. You can politely let them know the reason - if they are worth their salt they won't be offended but rather grateful because it means you are seeking what is best for you, which is a sign of health. The therapeutic alliance is crucial for a successful outcome of therapy.

I'm sorry again you went through this. Sometimes even the professionals forget the compassion required when someone is in pain and seeking their help. Again, they are definitely not all like this and I would encourage you to continue your search to find someone who is more attuned to you and also hopefully has a better understanding of the legalities around confidentiality and boundaries.

My best wishes to you.

 

[Lana]

Hi Davis;

I tend to agree with everyone else here. One of the issues that often keeps people from seeking professional help is that it requires the client to put him or her self in an extremely vulnerable position. If the therapist is not trained, or one that behaves inappropriately, he or she can cause a great deal of mental and psychological damage and lead to devastating results for all involved. While your father's concern is commendable, I wonder if it would not be better for you to see your previous therapist and his team. Do you think it's something you can explore further??

As for disclosure...I wouldn't do that...even to your father. Your father, being the big boss, should know better...though I can't fault him for his care and concern...those are commendable. Or maybe he asked because he learned about this therapists tactics and felt that he wanted to make sure you're safe. Seems like your father is the only one that can answer that for you.

Trust your gut on this. Trust your own instincts. And see if it would be possible for you to see your previous therapist.

All the best and let us know how you're doing.

 

[Meg]

Hi Davis,

I'm so sorry to hear that you had such a negative experience with this psychiatrist. The things that you have described are quite concerning. It seems to me that at the very least he has not fully informed you about important aspects of treatment and at worst he has been deliberately manipulative and is in breech of the code of ethics. If you want to make a complaint you can go either to the psychiatrists registration board or, if he is a member of the psychiatric association, writing to or calling them is another option. If you look up the psychiatric association's website for your country you will probably find information about reporting unethical behaviour. You may not feel like doing any those things, but it's an option for you to consider.

I hope that you are getting support from people that you trust now :hug:

 

[davis]

Thank you all so much for replying to my post. I can say my immediate reaction was a big sigh of relief that my gut seems to be leading me in the right direction that some of these things that occured were not only inappropriate but in some ways very harmful.

I 100% agree my fathers intentions were commendable and only for my best interest. When my husband left I fell apart and although I wasn't suicidal I know my fathers main concern was getting me help as quickly as possible. And I did agree to go into the hospital volunterily because this doctor told me he would stabalize my physical dissability and emotional pain and I could leave when I feel ready. And he did meet his word and discharged me when I felt ready 4 days later. That is the part I was very thankful to this doctor for. I was very afraid and having that bit of control as my life fell out from around me made all the difference in my confidence that I would make it through the divorce.
I really don't understand why this doctor seemed to change his already established treatment technique with me.

My father is not a doctor or therapist so doesn't completely understand the therapist/client/patient relationship. But he does know the confidentiality laws. But still I don't feel he was to blame on any level. My father has a trust and respect in those he works with that you don't see very often so I believe he was trying to do the best he could by listening to this doctors opinion.
But this doctor 100% never received my permission to talk with my father in such a way. I had no idea it was happening and even after I agreed so I could continue to get the help I thought would be the best at the time, I never signed any releases. It was more of a, you give me permission to tell your parents what I feel is appropriate or I won't see you any longer.

I had such a wonderful therapist many years ago and infact have kept in touch through the years and even began seeing her as a client again but it became too expensive and I couldn't afford it. She was willing to help me but my husband refused to give me any finances so couldn't give her anything. Unfortunitly the psychiatrist I had retired and the other has disapeared. I try to remember that if I happened upon such a wonderful group of mental health professionals there have to be others.
My fear after this experience is opening myself up enough to find them. I feel almost violated in a way by someone who should have provided me with a safe space emotionally.

I do have a desire to take some sort of action about this. But because our family is so well knwon throught our community and our association with the hospital goes back to when it was first built, I know it wouldn't be in my or my families best interest to turn that kind of attention twords us and especially my father. He's a good man and has worked very hard to reach the goals he set for himself professionally.
But I am extreamly angered and alarmed at some of the things that happened.

I'm just very thankful for your replies and relieved that this isn't just me. I really do hope I'm able to put myself out there enough to find a few of the more appropriate professionals. It might take a little time and a phone call to my old therapist but I'm going to look as soon as this doctor does leave.

Thank you all very much for your replies, they've helpped a lot.

 

[Banned]

I try to remember that if I happened upon such a wonderful group of mental health professionals there have to be others.

This is key. Indeed, there are far more good ones than bad ones out there. You mentioned finances - have you considered checking with a local counseling charity or for someone who offers a sliding scale?

 

[davis]

I have given a lot of consideration to different programs that could help me financially because I'm unable to work due to a chronic disease I suffer from. Now that my divorce is over I did receive a settlement that can help me pay for insurance until I'm able to go back to work(I'm praying for that option!) Or I get approved for SSD.
I didn't realize my insurance wasn't covering this doctor until I owed $2,000 to him. So now I feel like I'm paying out of pocket to have been treated very poorly and that makes it all feel worse.

Its been a very tough year. I'm just ready to try and get it back on track somehow. And even if I decided I can handle my pre-existing anxiety disorder myself I need therapy to help me deal with the things that happened in my marriage. €hough that's a whole other story.
I will sure never be willing to see a psychiatrist/psychoanalysist again. A good social worker and seperate psychiatrist will be a better option for me I think.

 

[Banned]

You may not even need a psychiatrist, Davis. Unless you are on one of the "harder" drugs, your family doctor is often willing to prescribe anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety meds.

If you can find yourself a psychologist who works with a sliding scale, that may help you. Sometimes social workers charge as much or more as a psychologist, so definitely do some digging but don't give up.

Your health is worth the search for competent care. And once you get it, you'll be so glad you did.