Scared and confused

[Ashley-Kate]

thank you all for your support. It means really a lot to me. These last couple of days were extremly hard on me. I did tell my psychologist i wrote him a message yesterday after the appointment and brought it to his office todayinforming him of what was said and well asing him for guidance in this to now what to do from here, what to understad from it all.. i think i am just a bit of a mess right now that everything doesnt make sence and i am tryign to make sence but well i cant i am tryign to hear what you are saying but at the same time i am confused and i can"T i am mad upset everything i am everywhere on the scale of emotions i chose to open up to this new guy and he broke me i am sad. i am beyond sad i am a wreck

 

[forgetmenot]

I am glad you are mad hun you have a right to be mad and sad and upset

Don't give this person any power ok

Use your anger and fight back hun

Im sorry if that is wrong for me to say but dam it hun he is wrong and no way no way you should have this thrown on you.

I know what i would like to do to him and he won't have his stupid grin on his dam face

You keep talking to us ok you listen to the words here hun Replace those words that are so wrong hun with our words hear them ok

YOU are not at fault never never never

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Im sorry Ashley i do hope your Previous therapist will help you hun Did he say he would keep you on hun i hope so

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thank you for your support all of you i dont think right now i am capable of thinking rationnaly all i have are his words in my head. i just feel i really didnt need this i just had to deal with losing a therapist i trully trusted to be completly let down. i am simply confused and i am trying to focus but its hard

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my previous therapis has not gotten back to me yet i will see him the time the transfer ends i see him on tuesday he doesnt work until monday so i wont hear anything till then at least so i will have to simply deal.. i just hate the state that i was already in and well now its like 100 times worst. i went to a group for support for my e-d yesterday and the facilitator had the same opinion about everything so it really helped but its hard to get it out of my head. i dont get it i dont even know the guy but his words hit like a brick wall. the fact that yes he is a dr. made it so much worst to be told that to hear those words.. i just cant get them out of my head. it kills to hear it over and over again, everything that should be comforting hurts, because i wonder or a part of me wonders maybe he was right. i now its not fact but i cant stop thinking about it.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know hun dam words they get stuck in ones head and it is hard to get rid of them

LIsten hun just hear these words again

Nothing was your fault nothing and he does not deserve the title of doctor because a doctor brings healing not pain hun

YOU are NOT to blame say it over and over until those words stick hugs

 

[adaptive1]

Just because someone has a professional designation or is a doctor, doesnt mean they are good at what they do. That is cruel to treat you in that manner Ashley, especially when they should know you are a sensitive person, and there is nothing wrong with being sensitive, the world could use more sensitive people. Go with what you know in your heart, you are not to blame here.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thank you all very much it is realy touching to hear all your words of kindness.. i am trying to latch on to those words to your kindness. thank you. its been hard and i thank you for helping me try to mae sence of it all. thank you

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in any case what are the chances that this was an attempt to provoque me to try and push me is it possible that he meant to push me to see if that would be helpfull.. could it be a way of trying to help me. i am having a hard time to believe that he could have did it to hurt me maybe he simply read me wrong and pushed too far, i dont know i am confused i am still just trying to make sence of it all so i guess i may just be tryign to find an excuse trying to convince myself that this did not happen that he could not have intentionnaly said that to be mean..

 

[MHealthJo]

You have done really really well Ashley because you have done really good things about this:

- You have not just totally accepted what this lousy jerk has said - you have come out and talked about it in supportive and knowledgeable places. You have reached out. Well done!!

- And you keep thinking and wondering about it instead of accepting it. That is strength!!

Just think... in every profession or job, there will always be some people who should not be there, and have picked it for all the wrong reasons, unfortunately...

So great job Ashley, and I wish you as much strength as you need to cope with this....

And remember, no matter how much disruption you might ever have with therapists or doctors or not having consistent treatment, we are always here and this is always a healthy place and that is not going to change.... so well done for falling back on that consistent thing. Hugs xx

 

[forgetmenot]

in any case what are the chances that this was an attempt to provoque me to try and push me is it possible that he meant to push me to see if that would be helpfull.. could it be a way of trying to help me. i am having a hard time to believe that he could have did it to hurt me maybe he simply read me wrong and pushed too far

This is what i meant when i said he was playing mind games with you hun

I do believe he was pushing you like you said but it does not make it right.

His decision to say such a thing to someone so vulnerable and then not explain why it was said in that manner it is a very dangerous game to play with someone.

I hope you can go back to this doctor and if you can show him your pain and anger and confusion that HE caused you

Be open with this doctor hun tell him no more dam mind games ok hugs

 

[Ashley-Kate]

I got a call back from the program at the hospital with the psychiatrist. and well the groups start on Thursday but that is probably the thing that bothers me the most, with the group i also get an individual therapist that i will see every week.

they called me today to let me know who that individual therapist would be. the same psychiatrist that evaluated me. I am freaking out. My previous psychologist told me today at our last appointment (before i knew that the psychiatrist would be my individual therapist) that the psychiatrist clearly didn't understand me and has a very different perspective of my situation than he does.. i am terrified because that said my psychologist was convinced that i would probably not see the psychiatrist again and told me to try the program anyway i can't imagine going back there i can't imagine seeing him again i could hardly imagine going by his office.

I don't know what to do, if i do this program then at the end of it (3 months) my previous psychologist will probably take me back if i am a bit better and more stable... yet i can't imagine getting better in the hand of this particular psychiatrist. If i quit the program i don't go back to the psychologist that i felt comfortable with.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hun you go to the program and you take from it all you can ok remember this psychiatrist hun is only a minute part of this program really the team will be the ones inthe group working with you You have chance here hun a door is opening go in ok Do not let one person take away a chance of healing for you YOu do not deserve to be judged by anyone hun so you go and you start healing and see if this so call doctor can change his spots who knows hun I think it will show him how courageous you are and how determined you are to get well even in the mist of your fears you will not be pushed down by him or anyone hugs

 

[Ashley-Kate]

the thing is he is not only small part of the program the program is one group a week and 1 individual therapy a week so he is pretty much 50% of the program.

 

[forgetmenot]

Then the other 50 percent will report back to him letting him know just how hard you are working

He is just one part of it the group is where you do the work
Yes he will bring you in once week Let him know what work you have been doing and if it comes to front about your first visit let him have it ok

You just tell him how he made you feel and that you thought just how unprofessional he was in saying those things to you

You have nothing to lose hun but everything to gain by going ok hugs

 

[Meg]

I'm really sorry that this guy was such a jerk to you and that you're stuck in such a frustrating position.

Remember, Ash, that while you can't really stop him from saying stupid things you can choose whether you listen to him or not. I know that that can be easier said than done because words from health professionals carry weight for many people, but the title 'Dr' does not make someone infallible (even when they think it does... and there are a few of those sorts around!).

 

[Cat Dancer]

This may not be possible, but could your "now" psychologist have a talk with this psychiatrist person who seems like such a jerk and explain more of your situation? Your psychologist understands what is going on and it just seems like the psychiatrist doesn't get it at all.