Lonewolf
Member
I'm ok, I guess!! More dopey than usual! That's a good thing as I have lots of thoughts running around inside my head, but no emotions to speak of!!!
How are you doing, lol??
How are you doing, lol??
- Thread starter Lonewolf
- Start date
Harebells
Member
That's good, I'm glad you''re ok. Glad the scary emotions are leaving you in peace - at least being dopey can be a bit of a break from all that!
I'm doing well thanks, good day. Such a relief as yesterday my own brain was trying to kill me!x
I'm doing well thanks, good day. Such a relief as yesterday my own brain was trying to kill me!x
Lonewolf
Member
I wish a brain came with an 'off' switch!! Many of us would be alot safer!!!
Harebells
Member
Wow that would be amazing...imagine... Maybe someone will sort that one day (as long as only we have access to our own switches!!)
Lonewolf
Member
.........if anyone finds the switch, please let me know?
---------- Post Merged at 05:28 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 05:25 PM ----------
I hope we are the only ones who can control it!!! This brain is faulty!!
---------- Post Merged at 05:28 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 05:25 PM ----------
I hope we are the only ones who can control it!!! This brain is faulty!!
Harebells
Member
:star: I hear ya!
Lonewolf
Member
Thanks lol!!! Take it steady!!!
Harebells
Member
You too hon. Hope those thoughts will stop clattering around in your head and you will feel really peaceful and well x
Lonewolf
Member
Am still waiting for the r*** counselling!! I had a call from them to tell me that I have moved up the list, but there is a way to go yet!! I've been waiting for what seems like forever!!
I S/H'd last week and have had to go to get the wound dressed every 2-3 days, which is still going on!! This life is getting on top of me again (Probably not a surprise to you guys!!)
I feel very alone in the struggles I face every time I see my reflection!! I am frightened by it because I don't see 'me' in that reflection!! In fact, I don't recognise that person at all!! Behind those eyes I see tremendous rage and aggression and evil!! It's like i'm staring the devil right in the face!! I don't really know why?? Am I evil?
Sometimes I just curl up into a ball and rock back and forth and just disconnect from the horror in my world!! I rock for hours, floating off into some kind of dream!!
I'm so sorry I have written this, but this is the safest place I know and I need that right now!! I am not entirely sure why I feel this way!! It's quite scarey because I don't feel like i'm me anymore!! What on earth is happening to me?? Please... anyone?? Has anyone got 10 seconds just to sit with me while I try to calm down a bit!!
mg:
I S/H'd last week and have had to go to get the wound dressed every 2-3 days, which is still going on!! This life is getting on top of me again (Probably not a surprise to you guys!!)
I feel very alone in the struggles I face every time I see my reflection!! I am frightened by it because I don't see 'me' in that reflection!! In fact, I don't recognise that person at all!! Behind those eyes I see tremendous rage and aggression and evil!! It's like i'm staring the devil right in the face!! I don't really know why?? Am I evil?
Sometimes I just curl up into a ball and rock back and forth and just disconnect from the horror in my world!! I rock for hours, floating off into some kind of dream!!
I'm so sorry I have written this, but this is the safest place I know and I need that right now!! I am not entirely sure why I feel this way!! It's quite scarey because I don't feel like i'm me anymore!! What on earth is happening to me?? Please... anyone?? Has anyone got 10 seconds just to sit with me while I try to calm down a bit!!
mg:forgetmenot
MVP
Hi Lonewolf I too rock back and forth sometimes it brings comfort sometimes I hope it helps to bring you some comfort I am sorry that this waiting period seems to go on forever it is a real shame when someone reaches out for help only to be put on hold so to speak We hear you ok you are not alone
Do you have anyone who can come over and visit with you, just to hang out? That's usually more effective than waiting in a forum, when everyone has different schedules and aren't always on the site. If you don't have any friends or family who you feel you can reach out to, how about a social worker or someone else?
I hope that maybe someone will cancel and you will get in sooner. Maybe you can ask to have that option? It's just that they might spring it on you, and if you're tied up doing something, you might miss it, but just ask them to keep you in mind in case of another cancellation.
I really doubt you are evil. A lot of people are rightfully angry about something, and feel ashamed or scared of that emotion. Is it possible that you can accept that you are angry about something, even if you don't quite know what it is yet? Or do you have an idea of why you feel this way? You can definitely tell your therapist when you go to your session. Anger could be caused by something unresolved making you feel helpless and frustrated, something chemical in the mind, who knows? Right? If you can just accept you are angry: "I am angry. But I am not evil. It's okay to be angry. It's a true emotion. I can't stuff it down, because it will make me feel worse. What can I do with my anger that isn't destructive, maybe something that will help me?" In response you could free write something, get your anger out on paper, then crumple it up in a ball and stomp on it, or rip it into shreds and throw it in the air. You could run around the block. You could beat up a couch cushion or a pillow. Have an angry argument with a stuffed toy: you'll always win the argument, and you can even wring its neck if you want and no harm done. You could drive out to a secluded area and scream at the top of your lungs. You could go to a gym and beat the heck out of a punching bag. Release that angry energy so that it doesn't feel all balled up inside you. It also might help the thoughts from banging around inside your head.
Remember, just because you feel something or think something, it doesn't necessarily make it true.
I wish you well, and that something will open up for you soon. Remember, too, that if you knock, a door should open for you. So keep asking for help. Sometimes it can come from the most surprising sources. ♥
I hope that maybe someone will cancel and you will get in sooner. Maybe you can ask to have that option? It's just that they might spring it on you, and if you're tied up doing something, you might miss it, but just ask them to keep you in mind in case of another cancellation.
I really doubt you are evil. A lot of people are rightfully angry about something, and feel ashamed or scared of that emotion. Is it possible that you can accept that you are angry about something, even if you don't quite know what it is yet? Or do you have an idea of why you feel this way? You can definitely tell your therapist when you go to your session. Anger could be caused by something unresolved making you feel helpless and frustrated, something chemical in the mind, who knows? Right? If you can just accept you are angry: "I am angry. But I am not evil. It's okay to be angry. It's a true emotion. I can't stuff it down, because it will make me feel worse. What can I do with my anger that isn't destructive, maybe something that will help me?" In response you could free write something, get your anger out on paper, then crumple it up in a ball and stomp on it, or rip it into shreds and throw it in the air. You could run around the block. You could beat up a couch cushion or a pillow. Have an angry argument with a stuffed toy: you'll always win the argument, and you can even wring its neck if you want and no harm done. You could drive out to a secluded area and scream at the top of your lungs. You could go to a gym and beat the heck out of a punching bag. Release that angry energy so that it doesn't feel all balled up inside you. It also might help the thoughts from banging around inside your head.
Remember, just because you feel something or think something, it doesn't necessarily make it true.
I wish you well, and that something will open up for you soon. Remember, too, that if you knock, a door should open for you. So keep asking for help. Sometimes it can come from the most surprising sources. ♥
In addition...
Lonewolf
Member
I have had the initial assessment a couple of weeks ago and the real thing starts on 3rd March!! I have also been attending a depression support group once a week for the last month and that goes on for a good while yet!! I am very nervous about letting these people glimpse into 'lonewolfs' world, but it's time now!! I have been very emotional about accepting the therapy and i am concerned about how i am going to deal with the feeligs that will be raised!! I have also managed a month without S/H, but everyday seems to be more and more of a struggle!! I can almost feel my skin aching to be hurt, does that make sense? All this stuff i am already battling with!! I also attended a very close friends' funeral today, unfortunately i didn't feel anything while it was all going on, but now i am really feeling it!! Maybe i have bitten off morw than i can chew? Do you think i could be forgiven for S/H for now? It has been all i have thought about for several days!! Nothing seems to take the edge off it and it's almost more than i can cope with right now!!
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
You can do this. Get through the next hour. Once you've done that, you have proved that you can get through an hour so get through another hour. Keep doing that until the urges start to subside. Then if they return do it again.
Also make sure you don't have your usual "tools" around. That's too much temptation.
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Also make sure you don't have your usual "tools" around. That's too much temptation.
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Lonewolf
Member
I am having snuggles with my pet rats to try to distract myself for a while!! I love them so much!! I have been working so hard at trying to avoid S/H, but shouldn't it be getting easier and not harder? I don't think it was this hard to give up the drugs all those years ago!! I removed myself from that situation and started again, but this time there is no running away from this, is there? In some ways this is so much more difficult!!
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
That's because your stress and anxiety levels are up and that's your main coping mechanism now. Try not to give into it and that way you will be able in time to learn new and better coping strategies.
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Lonewolf
Member
I'm digging in as deep as I can! I am trying so hard! I just can't find an alternative to give the same pain that I get from S/H and if I can't, would it lead me back to S/H? I've tried ice cubes, elastic bands, blunt knives and absolutely nothing comes close to it! I think about S/H and the alternatives alot!! Too much really! I'm gradually driving myself nuts! I wish I never found S/H as a way of coping! It's awful! !
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Yes it is but its just an urge, a thought. You don't need to give into it.
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Lonewolf
Member
I'm fighting it!! Thanks for your help!
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