More threads by psy90268

psy90268

Member
Hi guys,

how's it going?

This whole posting on a forum business is quite new to me so i'm not really sure what to write :s

I don't know whether i would actually class myself as a carer, but i guess i do 'care' for my dad. My dad has Bipolar disorder. He is what they call a 'rapid cycler' and his moods remain more on the depressive end than the manic end.

I have been aware of his illness for many years now, but more recently-since i was at college, and now university-i find myself taking on more prominent role in his life. I check in with him everyday, i transport him around to various places (shops etc), I help him keep track of appointments, he confides his feelings to me etc etc

I know it may not seem like much caring, but i think my care comes from the emotional side of things, most significantly in curing his loneliness, and in not being as aggressive and offensive about his moods, poor memory etc as my sister is....
It is something that i have taken upon myself to do, i know that i am still only 20yrs old and i have my whole life ahead of me, but looking after my dad in any way that i can is a very important part of my life.

It is because of him that i chose to do a psychology degree. I wanted to understand his condition as much as i could. It is also because of him that i chose to focus my dissertation study on mental health. Because of living with a parent with mental illness, and understanding the struggles that that can bring for me, i sought out to set up a study to find out how other people cope with living with a mentally ill family member. I hope that through doing this i will help others and myself to find some comfort that i am not the only one who feels suffocated by the (sometimes) strain of constantly worrying about a loved one, and perhaps find some alternative ways to cope with these emotions....
 
Re: I'm a bit of a newbie/

Hi hun nice to have you here I hope you do find some supports for you as well okay As a carer of many i do know that you have to take care of YOU okay if not you will get burnt out so fast. I think it is great you are being so helpful to your father but look into his community and see what connections you can get him as well. You sometimes will be very busy with your studies so it would ease your mind if you knew someone else was checking in on your dad too hugs
 

locrian

Member
Hi,

Welcome to PL. Here's a suggestion: consult with one or two therapists on your own. Explain the situation as described above and ask them whether or not they think you're in a healthy situation.

My reasoning is this: you're 20 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you. You've entered the prime years of your life, when you're at your best physically and mentally. But your life is set up in such a way that it revolves around your dad and his issues. It's quite apparent that you love him and care about him. But are you enabling him with your behavior? Is he manipulating you to devote all your time and energy toward him? Of course, I don't know the answers to these questions, but I believe that it might be in your best interest (and your dad's), if you discussed this with a professional who specializes in issues of the family and co-dependency.
 

psy90268

Member
My dad does have a good support system around him. Psychiatrist, doctor, key worker, his sister. However, myself and my younger sister are the only prominent family presence in his life (his sister lives in Cornwall), and i myself live in Portsmouth during university term time. My dad worries about EVERYTHING. A lot. So in my absence i try to provide what comfort i can, and as i previously mentioned this comes in the medium of a daily phone call.

I guess if im honest then i worry about my dad too. I don't want him to feel alone. especially as his children are now growing up and flying the nest. I don't think in any way that i am letting my life revolve around him. He has told me many times i need to live my life and i entirely agree with that. I no i cant make him better so i just try and do what i can.

I will not deny that i have had a bit of a melt-down before through burning the candle and all different ends, but i went to a counselor and it helped me to put things into perspective and to re-evaluate how i respond to my dads moods. It made me realise that i do need to take a step back sometimes. But its hard you know?
 
Welcome to the forum, psy90268! I think you will find that there are a lot of people under different circumstances in this forum that have parents or family members who are mentally ill in some way, shape or form... I totally know what you mean when you come to the realization that you have to "take a step back" or in my case "put my foot down" and make clear boundaries... It's nice to know you really care about your dad and have some empathy and understanding about what is going on with him, but just be sure to take some time to yourself as well so you don't burn yourself out or lose yourself in looking after him.

Sounds to me, from what you've said so far, that you have a good head on your shoulders!
 
Replying is not possible. This forum is only available as an archive.
Top