Confused

[Ashley-Kate]

i spoke to my shrink today and well as she informed me last week that she will be leaving on the 20th of this month. Well, I didn't see the point in continuing the "therapy " with her seeings how nothing will change in 2 weeks and well my curent relationship with her is not so good it won't get any better.

She said that she felt uncomfortable leaving me without anything and was not really hapy about my choice to end the therapy prematurely.

I am going to be seeing a psychologist next week she gave me an appointment with him because she found my behavior to be "too calm" and emotionless.

I guess the fact that I am not extremly sad nor extremly happy is of great uncomfort to her. She wants me to consider medication to stabilize my mood and to maybe help in my food obsessions.

I don't get it anymore, I am tired and I guess I am just exhausted of having to fight!

I feel in some way numbed to my eating disorder as if I can only just let it take over me and not do anything anymore cause well honestly I don't have the strength to fight anymore.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Have you ever been on any medications? I can understand the feeling of numbness toward your eating disorder. It's a tough thing to fight against, but don't give up hope, ok? Hang in there.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

i have been on medication once about 10 months ago and i didn'Mt see any differences. I am just so tiered so exhausted in this fight against the only person i know as me! my anorexia

 

[Halo]

AK,

Maybe you didn't see any difference on the medication that you were on before but some of the times it is a sort of trial and error with a lot of these medications. Do consider trying a different one if the last one didn't work to its fullest. If you continue with trying different ones, I am confident that you will find one that does help.

I am just so tiered so exhausted in this fight against the only person i know as me! my anorexia

AK, try to remember that you are more than your disorder and it does not define you. You are not just an anorexic. You are a bright, intelligent, kind, caring person. That is who the true person is.

Take care
:hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

yeah i know but the thing is why say bright and inteligent when i am using my wisdom and inteligence to slowly cause my deterioration and death through self starvation, how is that inteligent! and the worst thing is i am just so tiered of everyone getting mad at me everyone thinking that i am a failure that fighting to live just seems pointless. cause if i screw up again well they will be dissapointed yet again and i will have failed them yet again.

 

[Halo]

But you are bright and intelligent...we can all see that. You are fighting and trying your hardest to fight this. You may feel that you are using your wisdom and intelligence to slowly cause your deterioration and death but that is your illness that is doing that, not you. Just because you have an illness doesn't mean that you are not intelligent, smart and wise.

You need to continue to fight AK, not for others but for yourself. You need to surrounding yourself with people that support you and understand you and will not be upset with you if you don't succeed at first try.

We are here for you :heart:
:hug: :hug: