Coping With A Borderline Mother

[Divinaeon]

There really isn't a starting point in which I can begin to explain my situation, so I apologize in advance if this post seems out of order and is hard to follow.

To begin, I am a sixteen year-old male with a mother, according to the extensive reading and therapy sessions I have done, that I believe to have Borderline Personality Disorder.

My problem is as follows: Recently (August 2006) I have moved out of my mother's house and into my father's house (they divorced around 2000/2001) because of the increasing stress and tension between my mother. It got to a point where I was failing most of my classes in school and my social life was very off. After examining all of my problems around me, I narrowed down a central source of all my stress - my relationship with my mother. She was always so unpredictable; I never knew how she would react to something. There were times when the smallest things would send her into a horrible rage and other times when much larger things happened that she would be calm about and didn't seem to give a damn.

Right now my sister, age 11, is still living with my mother, and I am extremely scared for her because I know it is a crucial time, developmentally, for her. This mixed in with my mother's unpredictability and need to be loved/fear of being abandoned is, as I'm fearing, a lethal combination for my sister. My mother is mentally unstable, and my sister is the one holding her up.

This is my main concern...any advice (within reason) would be much appreciated. Also, feel free to ask questions - I'm not very good at explaining things without having questions to guide me.

Thank you.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Have a look at these:

Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger

 

[Divinaeon]

Thank you for the book recommendations - I've already read Stop Walking On Eggshells as well as Understanding The Borderline Mother. I apologize for not being clear, but I've moved past the point of wanting to mend my relationship with my mother. I guess what I'm trying to accomplish is making my sister, and those handling the court case, see the real side of my mother's behavior. I know it's hard to see through the lies if you've never experienced what a borderline parent is like to live with, but it is equally as hard when you're as young as my sister and absorbed in my mother's reality.

Thanks again for the book recommendations.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Oh, I see.

I'm not sure what the court case you mention is all about but this might be a matter better addressed with your lawyer.

As for your sister, at age 11 she still comes under the jurisdiction of the Children's Aid Society or its equivalent in your area. If you (or your father) have concerns about her phsyical or psychological well-being, you can and probably should report them to the CAS. Their responsibility is to investigate such complaints and snure the safety of the child.

 

[Divinaeon]

The court case is between my mother and my father...after five years of being divorced, things still aren't settled.

How do expose my sister to the nasty behavior my mother exhibits - basically let her know that she's been living a lie? My sister has been coached my mother into saying that she does not want to visit my father and me; she claims she's afraid of us. I haven't seen my sister for over a month, and last time I did, she wasn't doing so well. She had began to steal and lie - traits of my mother. I feel like I've hit a huge roadblock, that's my dilemma. I've already tried telling her the lies my mom has told, but that seems to confuse her even more. She's become completely hostile towards my dad because, I'm sure, of the lies my mom has been telling her.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's known as "parental alienation symdrome". Unfortunately, there's probably not a lot you can do about it.

The only thing you can do is report concerns about physical or psychological well-being to the CAS and/or to the court, but hostility toward you and your father would not qualify for that.

 

[Divinaeon]

Do you have any recommended books or resources on PAS? I have done some google searches, but those only seem to be turning up limited results. Thank you so much.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Check here:

[GOOGLE]"parental alienation syndrome"[/GOOGLE]

parental alienation syndrome

[DEF]parental alienation syndrome[/DEF]