Could it be the end?

[Kathleen]

I am having such a hard time in life the last while. I NEED help. I know I need help. I have run into a problem though. My doctor is 9 hours away and I have been trying to call her for a med change for the last 2 months, but since I moved she doesn't want to help me anymore. She will not return any of my calls. I have a CMHA worker that I have seen 3 times, but I absolutely HATE her and they won't give me a different one.

I need help so bad or I am going to end up 6 feet in the ground. I was always told to reach out when I need help, but what if you have nobody to reach for? What if you have stretched out your arm to everyone around you, but nobody is there? I am in tears right now because there is only so much reaching I can do.

What is one to do when there is no available doctors? When you get only a choice of one counsellor and you can't even talk to her? When you know if you don't get help you will end up dead, but when you reach out nobody is there? I can't do this anymore. What do you do?

 

[Andy]

Sorry Kathleen. Are you the person who is living way up north? Sorry if that's not you.
There is no way you can get a new doctor? A medical doctor even? If you need a med change then that is pretty important. Why hasn't your worker been assisting you in helping to find a new doctor? Is it an ILS worker? Sorry for the questions.
Are they refusing to get you a new worker because they are short staffed? I don't see how you can work with someone you do not like and are not comfortable with, that's just stupid.
More questions sorry. lol Do you have any friends or family around you that you can reach out to in the mean time, even if they aren't someone you would normally?
I honestly don't know what you can do, I'm sure we can come up with some ideas.

 

[Kathleen]

I am the person who moved up north. There is a major shortage of doctors here and I was told it would be impossible to get one. All my family is back south, and I can't talk to them anyways. My mom has been in the hospital for over 2 months and is extremely suicidal. They are doing the ECT treatments on her, but nothing is working. My family never wants to know how I am doing. They could care less. They have enough on their plates to deal with anyways with my mom. I am just so lost and scared.

 

[Andy]

That's quite the tough spot your in then. Are there any communities around that may be a long drive but not to bad, that have any doctors? I know around here after a certain spot North, it's all small towns and hamlets etc. but maybe not in your case?
I can relate with your mom, my mom is mentally ill as well and spent time in and out of hospital when I was growing up. I'm sorry your family hasn't asked, I'm sure they care, maybe just to overwhelmed with what is going on with your mom that they are focused only on that. Maybe there will be some improvement as they do more treatments on her. I wish her well anyways.
I'm assuming you moved up there for work or some opportunity, is there anyway you could get say 4 days off in a row a month to drive back and deal with doctors appointments, just make all appointments for that time. I can't think of to many other options. Have you asked CMHA if they can come up with ideas, they can't possibly just leave people hanging without a doctor if they need medication. Maybe they could get your foot in the door somewhere somehow?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario

Brutus, Jean-Claude
Temiskaming Health Unit
31 Station Road North
Box 98
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 1H9
Phone: (705) 567-9355

Clarke, Leigh Langstroth
Kirkland Lake Medical Center
2 Water Lane
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3M6
Phone: (705) 567-2224

Datta, Suvomoy
145 Government Road East
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3P4

Denton, Richard Gordon
2 Water Lane
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3M6
Phone: (705) 567-2224

Durocher, William Paul
Kirkland and District Hospital
145 Government Road East
P O Bag 3000
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3P4
Phone: (705) 567-5251

Ek, Nathan Richard
2 Water Lane
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3M6
Phone: (705) 567-2224

Guilfoyle, Francis John -additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake, Sioux Lookout
Box 35
90 Queen Street
Sioux Lookout ON P8T 1A1
Phone: (604) 898-1740

Hacking, Frederick Jack -additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake
Kenogami Clinic
PO Box 528
R R 2
Site 4
Swastika ON P0K 1T0
Phone: (705) 642-3317

Isenberg, Joel Harold -additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake
Suite D
80 Mountjoy North
Timmins ON P4N 4V7
Phone: (705) 264-2174

Jordan, Edward Henry
2 Water Lane
Box 10
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3M6
Phone: (705) 567-9276

Kitty, Darlene Janet -additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake
Timmins and District Hospital
700 Ross Avenue East
Timmins ON P4N 8P2
Phone: (705) 267-2131

Kyritsis, Dimitrios
22 Water street
po-box 40
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3M6
Phone: (705) 567-1414

Lemire, Marie Louise Celine - additional practice locations in: Belleville, Kirkland Lake
Room 1009 Etherington Hall
Queen's University
94 Stuart Street
Kingston ON K7L 3N6
Phone: (613) 533-6000 Ext. 33417

McAlister, Neil Harding - additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake, Pickering
Unit 6
1916 Dundas Street East
Whitby ON L1N 2L6
Phone: (905) 434-1997

McGee, Nancy - additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake
725 6E Rue
Val D'or QC J9P 3Y1
Phone: (819) 825-5858

Meloff, Keith Lyon - additional practice locations in: Cochrane, Kapuskasing, Kirkland Lake, Timmins, Toronto
36 Burton Road
Toronto ON M5P 1V2
Phone: (416) 482-4882

Richard, Hugues Joseph - additional practice locations in: Chapleau, Kirkland Lake, Timmins
11 Royal Field Crescent
Nepean ON K2J 4G1
Phone: (613) 823-4748
Fax: (613) 823-6559

Rittenberg, Kevin Mark - additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake
Unit 3
7700 Bathurst Street
Thornhill ON L4J 7Y3
Phone: (905) 660-9760

Rumball, William James Stuart
145 Government Road East
Box 460
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3J1
Phone: (705) 568-2232

Sales, Karl Hugues - additional practice locations in: New Liskeard
Kirkland and District Hospital
145 Government Road East
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3P4
Phone: (705) 567-5251

Shapiro, Stanley Alan - additional practice locations in: Elliot Lake, Kirkland Lake, Sturgeon Falls
Applegrove Medical Clinic
135 Applegrove Street
Sudbury ON P3C 1N2
Phone: (705) 673-3111

Spiller, Mark Arthur - additional practice locations in: Kirkland Lake, Matachewan
Kirkland And District Hospital
145 Government Road East
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3P4
Phone: (705) 567-5251

Visbal Moreno, Antonio Luis
Suite 313
145 Government Road East
Kirkland Lake ON P2N 3P4
Phone: (705) 568-2232

See also Physicians Kirkland Lake Ontario - Google Search

 

[Cat Dancer]

I have emailed the samaritans here when I have felt really helpless:

Email

They try to get back to you within 12 hours. It's not necessarily suicide prevention, just someone to vent to or talk to who can listen.

 

[Kathleen]

Thanks guys. Can you believe that I phoned every one of those doctors today and nobody is accepting any patients? 4 of the doctors were on holidays and 3 are not in the office after noon on Wednesdays. Nobody can give me a freakin' break. It is like a greater power wants me to just give up. It just isn't worth the trouble any more. The pain is eating away at my insides. The emptiness inside me is unbearable. Last night I started cutting again. I haven't cut in 2.5 years. I am a failure!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's discouraging.

Try thiis, Kathleen:

Health Care Connect - Public Information - MOHLTC

 

[Kathleen]

It is discouraging, isn't it? I signed up with health care connect back in May. I have an assigned worker with CCAC who I also called today. She said she has had people in this area wait years before any doctor came available. It is so hard to keep trying when you have been let down so many times. Thank you for all your help and suggestions. Unfortunately I don't think there is an easy solution to my problems.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Can the worker at least hook you up with someone to manage your prescriptions? or a nurse practitioner or something?

 

[Kathleen]

I think I would have to go sit at the hospital for hours to talk to any sort of doctor.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Perhaps. But sometimes you can choose your time to go to minimize the wait.

One small town near Ottawa has a website wherer you can check to see the wait time.

 

[Kathleen]

Thank you. You have been more help to me than anyone else has been.
I just want the pain and emptiness to go away. It is so hard to breath. It feels like my chest is collapsing. I don't want to die, but I don't know how much longer I can go through this. I am scared that if I go to the hospital they will keep me. They can't. I will lose my job. If I lose my job I will lose my apartment and my car and all my pets. I have to start school soon. I would rather lose everything to death than to be alive and have everything taken from me. Everyone is always taking from me. I can't let that happen. I am so lost. I just don't know anymore. I just don't know...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Is school the reason you went up north? If so, it occurs to me that many colleges and universities have their own health care services for their students. You could look into that.

Sometimes, universities also offer services to the general public...

 

[Kathleen]

Yeah, college. I don't know if I can wait long enough to find out. Maybe if I can get through tonight I will try the health unit tomorrow. I am picking at my last straws. I just don't know how I will react if I reach out the the health unit and get turned down again. It makes me feel 100 times worse every time I ask for help and am turned down. I can only do it so many times. It is so hard to have hopes and have them disappear in a matter or seconds.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I know, but when you are in the black tunnel the fastest way back to the sunlight is straight ahead.

Or as Winston Churchill said, "When you're going through hell, keep going".

 

[Retired]

Kathleen,

I don't want to die, but I don't know how much longer I can go through this

Continue to focus on your desire to live, and the reasons you want to live, such as your education, and family. In the meantime, continue your contact with us here on Psychlinks for support during this difficult time.

Try the Primacy Site to see if there might be one of their affiliated clinics in your area. I recently needed a new doctor and found one in a Primacy Clinic.

If there happens to be a Loblaws Superstore near you, I believe they usually have a Primacy Clinic inside their stores.

You mentioned the Emergency Room of your local hospital as being a possible resource, and that might be your best bet until you find something else. Agreed you may have to wait, but if you need prescription renewals or urgent care, emergency rooms cannot turn you away.

As has been said, choose your time to go.

You could go over to the clinic and ask the person at the reception desk when is it usually least busy. It may be at unusual hours of the day or night, but under the circumstances, at least there might be a chance you will be seen by someone.

You sound like a brave person, and we would like to provide as much support as we can, so use us as your sounding board and hopefully together we can figure out a way to get you through this difficult time.

 

[Kathleen]

Thanks guys. I don't know what I would have done last night if it wasn't for you. I have never really had anyone take time to listen and talk to me. It really means a lot. I am going to call the health unit. I am so scared that they are going to turn me away too. I have been putting it off all morning. I don't want to call, because this is the last hope I have. I don't want to lose that last bit of hope. If they say they can't do anything, I am all out of options. Then what's next? I will have to live with the pain, which I know I can't do alone.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

If they say they can't do anything, I am all out of options.

Not necessarily. There are always other options. Sometimes it just takes a while to think of them.

 

[Kathleen]

I called the health unit. Nobody answered so I left a message. I wish I could think like you do. It is so hard to think positive when everything around is negative.

I wish my doctors didn't abandon me when I moved. I had my psychiatrist for 8 years and my family doctor for 11. How can they just drop you as a patient when you move? How can they not care at all? I keep thinking about what I am going to write in my suicide note. If I can't pull out of this I want them to know that if they had been there it might not have happened. It kind of gives me a bit of pleasure when I think about it. I know how wrong that is, but I would want them to feel like it is their fault. Thay have made me suffer enough, they should have to go through something. It just isn't fair. I never did anything wrong to anyone and this is what I get.