Could it be the end?

[Kathleen]

The CMHA intake worker is going to take me on for now. I am glad about that because I like her and can talk to her. She said she is going to set me up with their psychiatrist when he gets back. He takes the summers off and wont be back until mid September.

The one thing that the doc at the hospital wouldn't write me a refill for (not too sure why..) is my ativan and I could really use it right now to calm down a bit. I feel really unsafe right now. I called the crisis number you gave me, but I am scared to be honest with them. I know what happens when you tell someonethat you are feeling unsefe. Part of me thinks maybe I should be in the hospital for a couple of days until I can start thinking more clearly, but the other part of me knows I can't because I will lose my job. If I lost my job I would lose my apartment, my car, my pets...pretty much everything. I hate being trapped. I just want out.

 

[Retired]

This might be the opportunity to rely on the CMHA intake worker for support.

I should be in the hospital for a couple of days until I can start thinking more clearly, but the other part of me knows I can't because I will lose my job.

Are you saying that you emploer would terminate you if you needed medical care? What if you needed emergency surgery or if you had an infection that needed hospitalization, would you lose your job?

The one thing that the doc at the hospital wouldn't write me a refill for (not too sure why..) is my ativan

Sometimes you need to explain to the doctor why you need a medication such as this, because without having a full medical history, some doctors are apprehensive about renewing prescriptions for minor tranquilizers.

You might want to go back to the Emergency dept tomorrow morning, and tell the doctor on duty you have ben using Ativan for relief of your anxiety for some time and would like a supply until you can be seen by the psychiatrist in mid September.

 

[Kathleen]

I called the crisis line back because I am scared, but it was a differnet lady and this one sounded mean so I hung up. I wish I could talk to the lady I talked to first because she didn't sound angry. The thoughts in my head are so fast and loud.

 

[Retired]

Sometimes the way people speak on the telephone is deceiving and because we don't see their facial expressions, it can be difficult to accurately interpret their disposition.

That being said, it would be surprising if a person answering a crisis line would be angry at you. They don;t know you, so they have no reason to be angry with you.

I have met people who work on crisis lines, and every one does that kind of work because they like people and want to help people.

I would persuade you to give it another try, giving the person who answers the benefit of the doubt, knowing they are probably volunteers and are eager to help. Chances are they have received training for doing that kind of work, and might ask you some specific questions to gain an understanding of your situation. Your truthful responses will provide them with the information they need to point you in the right direction.

Try again, and see how it goes, Kathleen

 

[Kathleen]

My boss is going to kill me. I put up the "be back in 15 minutes" sign to make that phone call, and wouldn't you know it...she pulls it. She is seriously going to kill me. I cannot deal with this **** right now. I am so scared for what she is going to say to me when she comes up here. I just want to crawl into a hole and die.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

All you need to say is that you're not feeling well the past few days and you're trying to make an appointment with a doctor.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hey hope you are okay what can she do really just tell her you were not feeling well needed time to just calm down a bit. I hope she wasn't to abrupt with you. I do think you need to go back to emergency and get at least a few ativan to help you as withdrawal from this medication is not good either it should not be stopped quickly if you have been on it awhile. Talk to emerg doctor okay explain you need it to get you through your work day and have been on it awhile Let us know how you are okay just worried about you.

 

[Kathleen]

I ended up asking the boss if she could "come in for the rest of the night" and she agreed... This was at 8:30pm...we close at 10:30pm... I told her I just need to go for a ong walk to clear my head. I called the crisis line and they sent the cops out for me. I went with them to the hospital. I was only there until 11:00pm, at which time I had talked out my problems, got a prescriotion for a different drug and went back home.
Apparently my phone had died and my boss/landlord totally took everything out on me. She was saying how she thought I was responsible and I just proved to her how much of a chilld I am...Her exact words: "You are probably so depressed because your apartment is disgusting and messy and dirty from the dogs. What are you going to do, turn into your mother and go and hang yourself tonight?" The only mess in my apartment is some dog hair on the carpet (duh I have dogs) and their toys. My stuff is all neat and tidy. Then she said my apartment smells like dog ****. I have never once seen my dogs pee on the floor. Not once. Anyways I told her I am moving out.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well, that was charming, wasn't it? (Your boss I mean.)

 

[Kathleen]

I can't believe her. AND...she I found out she isn't even paying me enough. She is paying me student wage, which I thought meant it was for students, but it is for people under the age of 18 who are working less than 25 hours while in school. (I'm 23) So I have been missing out on 65 cents/hour since I have been working here. AND I was told she can't force anyone to work over 48/week unless she pays overtime. I have been working 80 hours a week for STUDENT wage. I have been taking advantage of huge. AND she has the guts to tell me that I am irresponsible!! I have been running HER business for HER since I started. She onlly works like 8 hours/WEEK! I am sam sick and tired of this.

---------- Post added at 10:25 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:21 AM ----------

Ohh...That is about $400 I have been ripped off of since I have been here! That is A LOT of money when you have no money.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Indeed.

 

[Retired]

Kathleen,

Moving forward from this experience, what is your plan with regard to your employment, your home and your relationship with your boss/landlord?

If I understood correctly in what you wrote, that you are paying rent to your employer for your place to live, is that correct?

 

[Kathleen]

It is kind of complicated, and I am basically working 24 hours a day. I live above the motel at which I work. I work all day for "student wage" (which now I know I should be making more than that). I start usually at 8am or 10 am and work until 6pm. When 6pm comes I work 6pm-10:30pm for rent. I close up at 10:30pm, but still have to answer the phone when it rings during the night "in case it is an emergency." (This is between 10:30 when we close and 8am when we open.) Then I do it all over again.

I am now working between 44-50 hours a week that I get paid for (9.60/hour student wage...should be 10.25 minimum wage). ON TOP OF THAT I work 31.5 hours a week that I don't get paid for because it is for rent. THEN I am "on call" and have to answer the phone whenever it rings during the night between 10:30pm and 8am. I have told my boss/landlord that it is too much, but she doesn't do anything about it. I need to get out of here.

 

[Retired]

I f you feel you need to make a change, then I would suggest it be done in a way that you don't jeopardize your present source of income and place to live. Understanding you are not happy with your boss, your income and the working conditions, try not to show your hand until you have a new job secured along with a different living arrangement.

You are in a precarious situation because your job and your place to live are linked, and if something goes sour with one, it could affect the other.

If you are making job inquiries, try to be discreet, and be careful about prospective employers calling you back at your place of work or even your present home, since it seems your boss/landlord might be in a position to intercept your calls.

Yor plan should be based on priorities, and it seems your mental health might be at the top of that list. Perhaps with the cooperation of your CMHA worker, you can figure out a plan that would get you back to better health, then perhaps consider a change in employment and place to live.

Taking on too many things at once is very stressful, and this might not be a good time to add to your stress.

Is there any possibility of negotiating a better working arrangement with your boss, to allow you more time to yourself?

 

[Kathleen]

Thanks Steve. I have tried telling her I am having difficulty working basically 24/7, but she doesn't do anything about it. She loooks at it that if I had less hours then she would have to be here to run her own business. She is never here and she doesn't want to work. If I call her to aske her to come in for an hour or two she freaks. I can't even look at her today, after what she said to me last night.

 

[Retired]

I can't even look at her today, after what she said to me last night

Understadable, because from what you have written, her remarks were cruel and inappropriate. However, you need to focus on the fact this is your income and your place to live at this moment, and you cannot afford to jeopardize either. You may just have to "hold your nose" while dealing with her for a while until you figure out a plan that makes sense.

What is the potential for other job opportunities in your area? Although we hope you never need to face the possibility, do you have a contingency plan for where you can go in the event this job comes to an end before you find something else?

 

[Kathleen]

I will be in college full-time in two weeks, so I will only need a part time job. One should be easiy enough to find.

---------- Post added at 07:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:42 PM ----------

I am going to go look at an apartment tomorrow morning. It is a reasonable price and is inclusive. I can also bring all my pets.

 

[Retired]

Good luck on the apartment! Looking forward to hearing how it goes.

 

[Kathleen]

The guy forgot his key and then when he went back to find it he couldn't. Now I am just waiting to hear back from him. I called him today again to let him know I was still interested in it.
I went into hospital on Sunday night, but they let me out to go look at the apartment with my worker. I just got out today at around 2pm. They didn't do anything with my medication. There isn't even an on call psychiatrist here, so the on shift doc told me if I wanted my meds changed I had to go to the mental hospital 2 hours away from here. That was not an option, so nothing has changed there. They said I was going through psychosis because of sleep deprivation or something like that. I have no clue, but I feel a bit better after having slept for 3 days in a row.
I am so scared to talk to my employer/landlord. She just came in, and I know I am going to get an ear full. She already told one of the other girls that she is deducting 4.5 hours off my pay for each day I was in the hospital for rent. She is not going to like what happens if she does that because 1...She is paying me 65 cents below minumum wage...2...I work over 44 hours each week and she is not paying me overtime...and 3...She makes me work over 48 hours some weeks, which is not legal unless I sign a form saying I am willing to do so.
I honestly dont know what is going to go down. Send good thoughts.

 

[Retired]

Your personal safety has to be your primary concern, so you would want to avoid a nasty, aggressive confrontation with the boss/landlord. It sounds like she may be tightly wound with unpredictable and aggressive reactions.

Your other concern would be your personal property that's in the present home space, owned by the landlord/boss.

Last would be settlement of the cash owed to you for the work you have done.

In view of your recent history with this person, I feel you need to have someone with you to act as a witness to anything that is said and done, and to help you move your property.

Here is what I would do:

Get someone with authority and perhaps even some physical strength to be with you during the separation process. Perhaps the CMHA worker could help or someone in their office could volunteer. Is there a Womens' Shelter in your community where you might be able to enlist their help in moving out of what might be described as an abusive relationship with the landlord/boss?

Another option is to stop in at the local police station, and tell the officer on duty about your situation, that you need to move your property from the place where the landlord is also your boss and the woman has a history of aggressive behaviour toward you and you fear for your safety. Also mention the discrepancy with the amount you feel you are owed for your work, and the money she plans to withhold because you were in hospital.

When you have your support team worked out, and a vehicle to move your property, that would be the time to politely confront the landlord/boss. It is important that you maintain control of your emotions, be polite and do not provoke her. Explain you have decided to move elsewhere and to work elsewhere, that you would like to move out your property and to settle your wage accounts.

Have all your calculations prepared ahead of time so you don't have to do any calculating on the spot under pressure. Be sure that you r witness is always at your side and that the witness hears and sees everything..this is of utmost importance for your safety and for your credibility in the event of any future actions.

Most important, Kathleen, is remain calm and composed and above all be polite, regardless of what is said and done. You would be surprised how being polite can help diffuse an otherwise escalating situation.

Speak to a police person, ask their advice and get a witness who is strong in personality and in physical strength to be your support.

If worse comes to worst, and hopefully it doesn't, you may decide to cut any losses in earned income just to get out of the place with your property and emotional health intact. I know you cannot afford to lose money, but when push comes to shove, your health and safety is worth more than a few dollars.

I wish you well during this difficult time.