Could this be depression?

[Marc]

Hey. For the past couple of years i've been feeling, to put it lightly, really ****. Since then i've been feeling really sad about 95% of the time, Been REALLY angry (Especially recently, i've been feeling like it's taking all i have not to snap), I've been having suicidal thoughts, daydreams, or otherwise daydreams of hurting other people. I have strange sleeping patterns where i sometimes either can't sleep at all, or sleep far too much, and try as i might i just can't sort it out. I also find it really hard talking to other people, it's like, I try as hard as i can, but when I think of something I think it's completely stupid and don't say it, and basically end up just being quiet all the time because of it. Been feeling like i'm worthless and there's nothing i can do at all to prevent any of this or anything else that happens, and i've been getting headaches occasionally for no apparent reason for a few years now. Lately, in the last 2-3 months or so, i've just sort of lost interest in everything until it's got to the point where nothing i do interests me, however hard i try. And when i do do something, it just feels so pointless, as though it's not worth doing, or it's too hard work, or like a job.

a couple of years ago i started cutting myself, and did so for around 6 months until I stopped, until around 2 months ago. I stopped doing it, but because i didn't want my family to find out, though i just sort of felt my wrist, it's like, a wierd sensation. Almost hollow or something, like something I feel as though i need to scratch. And, well, I've been feeling particularly bad for a month or two. The scars there were still really, really visible and i managed to hide them all this time despite them being so large so i just sort of did it again. And I know it sounds really crazy - but it felt good. So i did it again, and it made me feel alot better, for a day or so, when i got worse. So i just kept doing it.

I'm planning on visiting the doctor's soon, but could anyone tell me if I may have some form of depression before I go? I don't even know what to say.. If i did have depression of some form , i mean, therapy doesn't exactly appeal to me at all, i'd hate it. I'm 16 almost 17 atm, and i heard that anti-depressants weren't often prescribed to anyone below 18.. (UK)

anyway regardless, i can't carry on feeling like this all the time, it's driving me nuts and i'm close to snapping or doing something stupid, neither of which i want to do...

 

[David Baxter PhD]

In Canada and the US, with more recent evidence, doctors are prescribing antidepressants to teens again. In particular, prozac has been approved for use with teens for some time, since there was no evidence ever linking it to increased suicide risk.

Your description certainly does sound like depression, Marc. I would urge you to start by making an appointment with your family doctor and talking to him/her about it.

 

[Retired]

I don't even know what to say

Marc,

Your first big hurdle has been overcome by recognizing something is not right.

Talking to your doctor won't be difficult at all, because doctors today are trained to recognize mood disorders.

When you see your doctor, you can say, "I've been having difficulty with mood".

Make some notes before your appointment, listing the same points you mentioned here about what you have noticed in your mood.

Chances are your doctor will ask you some specific questions about your mood and behaviours in order to make a diagnosis. As Dr. Baxter has alluded to, there are treatment strategies being used that can help you.

If indeed your doctor diagnoses depression, the illness of depression is a treatable disorder.

therapy doesn't exactly appeal to me at all

Would you share with us why you feel this way?

Sometimes the media distorts what therapy really means, whereas in reality, supportive psychotherapy used in conjuction with medication helps to provide insights into the causes of the illness.

I've been having suicidal thoughts

Have you ever acted on these thoughts, Marc?

Don't hesitate..make your appointment and talk to your doctor.

 

[Marc]

Would you share with us why you feel this way?

Sometimes the media distorts what therapy really means, whereas in reality, supportive psychotherapy used in conjuction with medication helps to provide insights into the causes of the illness.

Well. I'm pretty sure I know what it really means, the thing is, i just don't particularly want to talk about it to a complete stranger. I think I do know, more or less, the causes (if it is depression), and don't beleive that talking to someone i don't know about things i already know will help. also feels like it would be far too much work (i know that sounds really lazy, but the thought of doing anything atm just feels like it's worth far too much effort)

Have you ever acted on these thoughts, Marc?

No, i frequently daydream about acting on them but i've never actually tried to do it. I've had a few times where i plan on doing it, even in quite a bit of detail, but always end up stopping myself. I've been doing this for 2 odd years or so so i just hope it's just thinking about it - if i actually mentioned this to my doctor they would probably tell my parent(s) which is something i don't want to happen.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well. I'm pretty sure I know what it really means, the thing is, i just don't particularly want to talk about it to a complete stranger. I think I do know, more or less, the causes (if it is depression), and don't beleive that talking to someone i don't know about things i already know will help. also feels like it would be far too much work (i know that sounds really lazy, but the thought of doing anything atm just feels like it's worth far too much effort)

No, actually. It sounds like one of the common symptoms of depression. However, you don't need to continue to feel the way you do now. Whether or not you believe it, medication and psychotherapy works and they have benefitted thousands, perhaps millions of people who have felt exactly the way you do now.

No, i frequently daydream about acting on them but i've never actually tried to do it. I've had a few times where i plan on doing it, even in quite a bit of detail, but always end up stopping myself. I've been doing this for 2 odd years or so so i just hope it's just thinking about it - if i actually mentioned this to my doctor they would probably tell my parent(s) which is something i don't want to happen.

Fair enough. But do you want to continue to feel the way you do, to have thoughts like these into the indefinite future? It doesn't have to be that way.

 

[Retired]

don't believe that talking to someone i don't know about things i already know will help

Marc,

It's not the talk that provides the therapy, although venting one's inner feelings in itself has therapeutic benefit, but by engaging in therapy with a mental health professional is the only way the professional can gain insights into your thinking, emotions and state of mind.

Consulting a mental health professional can be though of in the same way as consulting any other professional such as a lawyer, accountant, or even a plumber.

This is not to trivialize the process, it's to illustrate that we consult professionals with skills and expertise we don't have in order to solve a problem on our behalf.

When you drive your car into a garage for a tune up, the technician is a stranger, and we have no reservations about disclosing the history of our car's condition.

Think of yourself as needing a tune up, and in order for the technician (health professional) to have the information necessary to know what strategies you need to employ to restore your thinking and emotions to a sound state, you need to provide some information....by speaking.

Stranger or friend, the mental health professional is evaluating your condition in an objective manner, no judging anything you disclose, but using the information to diagnose your condition.

Once a diagnosis is established, the professional, through training and clinical experience will provide you with treatment options and strategies you can employ to treat the condition.

Take the first step, and make the appointment. Explain your concerns and reservations to the doctor. You won't be telling him/her anything s/he hasn't heard before, and evaluate your options at that point.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Marc - I totally relate to you not wanting to see a person that you have never met to talk about your problems. As can alot of people.

So I didn't go, or I'd go once, and then avoid the calls. Well now I seem to have a heap of stuff to go through, which has steadily collected over say... the last five years. Now I'm on disability trying to sort it all out. It is really difficult to have to sift through so much to find what I'm looking for. Not only do I have depression, I now have an anxiety disorder (not fun) and am off work on disability for what appears to be turning into a fear of people.

Stuff I can't explain right now, but I feel like I'm swimming in it. Plus I feel like i'm on a cocktail of meds. Please rethink seeing the therapist, it feels weird when you start, but they are trained to get you talking, to sense when you are getting upset and to guide the conversation in a certain direction. I'm sitting here at age 24, wishing that thats what i'd done earlier on. I'm not really living a life right now. It feels like my 'disorders' are living though me?

 

[Into The Light]

it sounds like you're having a really difficult time. it sounds like depression to me. the worse depression gets, the more intolerable life becomes. i've been through my own personal hell with it but managed to come out of it. i did it in part with the help of a therapist, even though making that decision to see one was certainly not an easy one.

i hope you'll consider giving therapy a try as your life can be vastly improved. i am truly grateful that i live in a time where there is such a thing as therapy. without it, i would not have been able to recover.

let us know how it goes and what you think you may decide. good luck.

 

[Marc]

Thankyou for all the advice, it's helped alot.

I went to the doctors today, he prescribed me some anti-depressents and i'm seeing him in another two weeks to see if I need some stronger ones, and if I want therapy, which i'll probably try, once i've worked out a way to arrange the appointments without anyone from my family finding out, still don't want to tell anyone just yet

 

[ladylore]

Hi Mark,

Glad things worked out with the doctor. As for therapy, everything is confidential so you tell who you want if you want to tell anyone at all.

Great work.

 

[Retired]

Marc,

This first step took a great deal of courage on your part, and you are to be commended.

Please keep us posted on your progress and let us know if you need further information.

Your input to other Forum members will also provide valuable insights to others struggling with similar issues.

Have a look at these two resources, from the National Institutes Of Mental Health (NIMH) for information and additional background.

NIMH Complete Publication

NIMH Depression

When you are ready to discuss the illness of depression with family or others, you may wish to print the excellent NIMH brochure (pdf) on depression. It often helps to give the other person something to read about the disorder, to assist in your explanation.

 

[Into The Light]

that was a huge step marc, and something to be proud of! i know you probably don't feel that way but this is a significant and very important step towards recovery, not an easy thing to do but you did it nonetheless.

as tsow said do let us know of your progress, and if you feel like you could use some feedback feel free to post here any time.