Crack

[Wannabe30]

I have not writen much here, and for that I am sorry. I fully intended to use this forum to help myself become a bit more aware of ME. Now I am facing a new challange.

I met a man a few weeks ago. We hit it off very good. It almost seemed like fate was drawing us together. The one fly in the ointment is that he is a crack user.

He hid it at first, even told me that others may tell me he uses, but that I should not listen to them. Later, he told me that he uses, and even used it infront of me, so I "could see what it does and know when he has had it."

He has used it in my home now 3 times. Each time was ment to show me what it does. The last time it was so he "could see me reacting to his use". The point of that exersoze was to be that he would see how I feel as he used. (I have not and will not use it.)

Tonight, Sunday July 22, 2007 I droped him off at work and have not heard from him since 3 this afternoon. I fear he is using again. I do not know where he is and I have been to the places I know he hangs out.

I don't know what to do. I was not expectiing this to happen, but I have fallen in love. How can I deal with this? And more important, how can I help him?

 

[ladylore]

As an a greatful recovering addict myself,

Best thing you can do is set boundaries. One you may want to consider is not allowing him to use in your home.

There are other things, like suggest an Narcotics Anonamous meeting. If you feel he needs help let him know your concerned. Be safe as crack causes mood swings and first and formost you need to stay safe. Focus on yourself and what you truely want, and what behaviour is not ok under any circumstances.

It may sound harsh but it really is the most loving thing you can do. I personally can't be around anyone who uses illegal drugs.

Ladylore

 

[Halo]

I think that Ladylore has made a good point in that taking care of yourself first and making sure that you are safe should be top priority. I understand that you just met this man and that you really hit it off and that is great. Everyone likes to have a connection to someone but I would caution that using crack is not a mild drug to overlook and I guess you just need to figure out if this is someone that you want in your life but again the most important person here is YOU.

Take care :heart:

 

[Daniel E.]

I would get out of the relationship now. It would be a no-brainer for me, having lived with a crack addict.

You can't really help a crack addict, but it can be easy to enable them (which is a no-no), such as by letting them crash at your house after they get high and wasted. They usually have to hit bottom -- often several times -- before even being willing to use the resources they already know are available.

Anyway, it's impossible to be in truly reciprocal, trusting, romantic relationship with someone who is addicted to crack. For a drug addict -- especially a crack addict -- everything else in life is secondary to their next high, especially when the cravings start again. For example, the online literature I have read from Narcotics Anonymous said that addicts basically become narcissistic after becoming addicted.

Bottom Line: Having a romantic relationship with a person addicted to crack will likely only enable their drug addiction. It's in both of your self-interests for you to end the relationship immediately. That's all you can do for him.

I do not know where he is and I have been to the places I know he hangs out.

Don't worry about it. It's not your problem, and there's nothing you can do, anyway. Just make sure you don't let him back into your home. The best thing for him is to hit rock bottom.

Another issue, regarding the impossibility of a trusting, honest relationship, is that crack users are more likely to be unfaithful and are more likely to engage in high-risk sexual behavior.

 

[Peanut]

Hi, I think the others have made really good points. I would just add that it sounds like he's being pretty manipulative. In your post when it says:

He has used it in my home now 3 times. Each time was ment to show me what it does. The last time it was so he "could see me reacting to his use". The point of that exersoze was to be that he would see how I feel as he used.

I would venture to say that the point of that exercise was for him to get high. Please keep that in mind, and when he tries to convince you that he's getting high for your sake, don't buy it. If he wants to know how you feel if he uses, I'm sure you could explain that to him while he was sober. Take care of yourself. Don't get sucked into this manipulative behavior. By putting up with it, you're not helping him, and more importantly you're not helping yourself either. You deserve better.

 

[Halo]

Good point Arose, forgot about that one!!

 

[Wannabe30]

I have put my foot down. He will NOT do it again in my home. I know the point was not to "show me" anything, it was to get high.

I realize that I cannot allow this to continue much longer, but I have hope.

It seems that I always attract guys who have addictions of one sort or another. Alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts.... I have been to every ___ Anon group there is. A part of me says I can help them, but the reality is, the only person I can help is me. If the man I am with now wants help, I will help him get it. I just pray that he does. If not... well he won't be with me then.

Oh and just in case any of you may be concerned about it, there is absolutely no way I will ever smoke that poison. I did try powdered coke years ago and thought it was a complete waste of time and money.

 

[Halo]

Wannabe,

I am glad that you have put your foot down and said that you will not tolerate it in your house and in your life. I admire that you will stand beside him if he decides that he wants to get help but if not then he is not the person for you....good job :goodjob:

That is great that you are looking out for yourself first...:clap:

Take care :heart:

 

[ladylore]

:rock: Way to go ! :cheerleader:

 

[Krickitt]

My boyfriend was/is a crack addict. He tore me up with his lies, disappearing for 2 or 3 days, trading his belongings for crack, like his cell phone, car registration, DL.... It was insane. I drive a cab. Twice while I was driving down the road I saw him out begging, twitching, sick as a dog. I always brought him home.
When he was not smoking crack, he was the nicest man I was ever with, would do anything in the world for me. He never stole from me, amazingly enough. Nor do I think he was cheating on me when he disappeared. His love was crack. More than me, more than anything. While I was with him he lost a great job due to his addiction, was re-hired, then lost it again. He got another job, not as good, but good pay, then started the same behavior. He is intelligent, kind, handsome, and.. a crack addict!
I di deverything in the world for him, but all I did was help him to continue smoking crack. I gave him the time and place to heal and get well again, only so he could do it again. I did not help him. We are seperated now, and I am hoping I will not take him back ever again. He has been in treatment so many times, he knows what to do. His choice is to do crack.
Run now, as the moderators have said.
Voice of doom and gloom here, but this is a true story, and my battle is ongoing.