David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Denial: Overcome denial by taking action and moving forward
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Jun 25, 2007
Denial is an unconscious coping mechanism that grants you time to adjust to a distressing situation. But when denial goes too far, it can interfere with treatment or moving forward.
When you accuse someone of being in denial, you generally mean it in a negative way. You think that someone isn't being realistic about something that needs to be addressed directly ? something that's very obvious to you. Indeed, when someone's in denial, he or she appears to be pretending that something isn't happening or isn't true.
In some cases, though, a little denial can be a good thing. Being in denial for a short period can be a healthy coping mechanism because it provides time to adjust to a painful or stressful issue.
On the other hand, denial does have its dark side. It can prevent someone from effectively dealing with issues that require action and change, such as getting treatment for an addiction or cancer.
Find out how denial can help and how it can also be a roadblock to good health. This way, you can help make sure you and loved ones aren't in denial about denial.
Understanding denial and its purpose
Denial is a common type of defense mechanism that occurs as part of an automatic psychological process. Denial is a way of dealing with emotional conflict, stress, painful thoughts, threatening information and anxiety by refusing to acknowledge facts that are obvious to others ? in essence, denying the existence of a problem. Denial occurs in a variety of situations, such as mental illness, cancer, chronic illness, terminal illness and addiction.
In its strictest sense, denial is considered to be an unconscious process. That is, someone doesn't choose to be in denial. However, some research studies do suggest that denial may sometimes have a conscious component ? someone may deliberately choose to be in denial.
In either case, someone in denial:
It may seem that refusing to face the facts is never a healthy way to cope. In some cases, though, a short period of denial may be beneficial. Being in denial gives your mind the opportunity to unconsciously absorb shocking or distressing information at a pace that won't send you into a psychological tailspin.
For instance, after a traumatic or stressful event, you may need several days or weeks to fully process what's happened. Being in denial gives you time to come to grips with the challenges that lie ahead. Consider, for instance, what might happen when a woman discovers a lump in her breast one night as she's lying in bed. She feels a rush of fear and adrenaline as she imagines it's breast cancer and immediately leaps to the conclusion that she's going to die. So she decides to ignore the lump, hoping it'll go away on its own. But when it hasn't gone away two weeks later, she consults her doctor.
This type of denial is healthy and is considered an adaptive ? or helpful ? response to stressful information. The woman initially denied the distressing problem, and then as her mind absorbed it, she came to approach it more rationally, and a short time later, she took action by seeking help.
Situations in which denial may be harmful
But what if the woman had continued to be in denial about finding the lump and tried to forget about it entirely? What if she never sought help?
In cases like that, where denial persists and prevents you from getting appropriate treatment, it's considered a maladaptive ? or harmful ? response.
Some examples of unhealthy denial:
Finding a healthy balance with denial
When faced with an overwhelming turn of events, it's OK to say, "I just can't think about all of this right now." This gives you time to work through what's happened and adapt to new circumstances. But it's also important to realize that denying or avoiding the facts is still a state of mind. It won't change the reality of the situation.
So how can you make sure denial over something upsetting in your life isn't hurting you? It may be hard to see that you're in denial, especially if it's become extreme or long-term. If you feel stuck or if someone you trust suggests that you're in denial, try these strategies:
If you don't seem to be making much progress dealing with a stressful situation on your own ? you're stuck in the denial phase ? consider talking to a mental health provider. He or she can help you find healthy ways of coping with the situation rather than trying to pretend it doesn't exist.
When a loved one needs help moving beyond denial
You may find it incredibly frustrating when someone you care about is in denial about an important issue, whether it's health, finances or relationships.
Before demanding that your loved one face the facts, take a step back. Try to determine if all he or she needs is a little time and space to work through the issue, without forcing a confrontation.
At the same time, let the person know that you're open to talking about the subject, even if it makes both of you slightly uncomfortable. Often, people facing distressing issues fear that those close to them will be unable to cope and will abandon them. So, make sure your loved one knows you're available, no matter what happens. Ultimately, this may give him or her the security needed to move forward and take action.
If your loved one is in denial about a serious health issue, such as depression, cancer or an addiction, broaching the issue may be especially difficult. Offer support and empathetic listening. Don't try to force someone to seek treatment, which could lead to angry confrontations. Offer to meet together with a doctor or mental health provider. Try not to unleash angry emotions on your loved one. If the impasse remains, consider counseling for yourself so that you can cope better with your distress and frustration.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Jun 25, 2007
Denial is an unconscious coping mechanism that grants you time to adjust to a distressing situation. But when denial goes too far, it can interfere with treatment or moving forward.
When you accuse someone of being in denial, you generally mean it in a negative way. You think that someone isn't being realistic about something that needs to be addressed directly ? something that's very obvious to you. Indeed, when someone's in denial, he or she appears to be pretending that something isn't happening or isn't true.
In some cases, though, a little denial can be a good thing. Being in denial for a short period can be a healthy coping mechanism because it provides time to adjust to a painful or stressful issue.
On the other hand, denial does have its dark side. It can prevent someone from effectively dealing with issues that require action and change, such as getting treatment for an addiction or cancer.
Find out how denial can help and how it can also be a roadblock to good health. This way, you can help make sure you and loved ones aren't in denial about denial.
Understanding denial and its purpose
Denial is a common type of defense mechanism that occurs as part of an automatic psychological process. Denial is a way of dealing with emotional conflict, stress, painful thoughts, threatening information and anxiety by refusing to acknowledge facts that are obvious to others ? in essence, denying the existence of a problem. Denial occurs in a variety of situations, such as mental illness, cancer, chronic illness, terminal illness and addiction.
In its strictest sense, denial is considered to be an unconscious process. That is, someone doesn't choose to be in denial. However, some research studies do suggest that denial may sometimes have a conscious component ? someone may deliberately choose to be in denial.
In either case, someone in denial:
- Refuses to acknowledge certain situations
- Avoids the facts of the situation
- Minimizes the consequences of the situation
- Other defense mechanisms
- Rationalization. Dealing with stressful situations or emotional conflicts by hiding the real reasons for actions and thoughts with elaborate but incorrect explanations.
- Repression. Dealing with stressful situations or emotional conflicts by unconsciously banishing all awareness of painful experiences, thoughts and feelings ? as if they never happened.
- Suppression. Dealing with stressful situations or emotional conflicts by deliberately avoiding thinking about them, while not actually denying the existence of a problem.
It may seem that refusing to face the facts is never a healthy way to cope. In some cases, though, a short period of denial may be beneficial. Being in denial gives your mind the opportunity to unconsciously absorb shocking or distressing information at a pace that won't send you into a psychological tailspin.
For instance, after a traumatic or stressful event, you may need several days or weeks to fully process what's happened. Being in denial gives you time to come to grips with the challenges that lie ahead. Consider, for instance, what might happen when a woman discovers a lump in her breast one night as she's lying in bed. She feels a rush of fear and adrenaline as she imagines it's breast cancer and immediately leaps to the conclusion that she's going to die. So she decides to ignore the lump, hoping it'll go away on its own. But when it hasn't gone away two weeks later, she consults her doctor.
This type of denial is healthy and is considered an adaptive ? or helpful ? response to stressful information. The woman initially denied the distressing problem, and then as her mind absorbed it, she came to approach it more rationally, and a short time later, she took action by seeking help.
Situations in which denial may be harmful
But what if the woman had continued to be in denial about finding the lump and tried to forget about it entirely? What if she never sought help?
In cases like that, where denial persists and prevents you from getting appropriate treatment, it's considered a maladaptive ? or harmful ? response.
Some examples of unhealthy denial:
- A college student witnesses a violent shooting but claims he's not affected by it.
- An older man just diagnosed with liver cancer tells his doctor that he's wrong and leaves without treatment.
- A businessman periodically misses a morning meeting after drinking excessively the night before but insists he's still getting all his work done, so he doesn't have a problem.
- A young woman is ringing up so much credit card debt that she tosses all the bills in the trash because she can't bear to open them.
- A man has heart attack symptoms but refuses to believe it's anything but indigestion and doesn't call for help.
Finding a healthy balance with denial
When faced with an overwhelming turn of events, it's OK to say, "I just can't think about all of this right now." This gives you time to work through what's happened and adapt to new circumstances. But it's also important to realize that denying or avoiding the facts is still a state of mind. It won't change the reality of the situation.
So how can you make sure denial over something upsetting in your life isn't hurting you? It may be hard to see that you're in denial, especially if it's become extreme or long-term. If you feel stuck or if someone you trust suggests that you're in denial, try these strategies:
- Honestly ask yourself what you fear.
- Think about the potential negative consequences of not taking action.
- Allow yourself to express your fears and emotions.
- Try to identify the irrational beliefs about your situation.
- Journal about your experience.
- Open up to a trusted confidante.
- Find a support group.
If you don't seem to be making much progress dealing with a stressful situation on your own ? you're stuck in the denial phase ? consider talking to a mental health provider. He or she can help you find healthy ways of coping with the situation rather than trying to pretend it doesn't exist.
When a loved one needs help moving beyond denial
You may find it incredibly frustrating when someone you care about is in denial about an important issue, whether it's health, finances or relationships.
Before demanding that your loved one face the facts, take a step back. Try to determine if all he or she needs is a little time and space to work through the issue, without forcing a confrontation.
At the same time, let the person know that you're open to talking about the subject, even if it makes both of you slightly uncomfortable. Often, people facing distressing issues fear that those close to them will be unable to cope and will abandon them. So, make sure your loved one knows you're available, no matter what happens. Ultimately, this may give him or her the security needed to move forward and take action.
If your loved one is in denial about a serious health issue, such as depression, cancer or an addiction, broaching the issue may be especially difficult. Offer support and empathetic listening. Don't try to force someone to seek treatment, which could lead to angry confrontations. Offer to meet together with a doctor or mental health provider. Try not to unleash angry emotions on your loved one. If the impasse remains, consider counseling for yourself so that you can cope better with your distress and frustration.
