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Frankied

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
I'm not sure what to do, obviously otherwise I wouldn't be here.

I'm hopping someone else has gone threw the same or I'm hopping I can fix myself.

Little history:
Perfect childhood. Never been beat, abused or anythign of the sort. Infact I guess you could say I got everything I ever needed. But then ever since I started school I used to think myself inferior to others, maybe had something to do with the fact that I skiped a grade..dunno.

Was a big loser in chool till I hit 9th grade, and then realised that all the people I always wanted to hang with were flakes. Got rapped when I was 15. I can't relaly say raped cuz I was tripping on acid and couldn't talk, I couldn't stop lauphing. Point is I didn't want to have sex and kept trying to say no, but couldn't. I put it behind me. Became very promiscuss (dont know how to write that one) some time after. I can't even tell you how many men and women I have been with, and I dont really care to recount.

I've had a few long-ish relationships. I tend to go from one to the next. But my last one totaly did me in. I let myself be abused mentaly cuz I thought I diserved it. Thank god(or who ever) that it's over.
ONly all therew my life I've always felt people were after me, I've always been somewhat depressed, untill I left this country to go live with this last guy. I fell into deep depressiona nd ended up going on some crazy anti-depressants like 150mgs a day of this Effector(or something, a step above prozac). IT sort of worked because I wasen't craying all the time anymore. I finaly left this guy and went home. I got off the pills. But then I got angry and now I'm always angry all the time. It's like one emotion substitues the other. I think it might be a conciouse thing cuz I'll be dambed if I'm going to spend an other minute like I was before, crying at everything. Not that I'm not depressed, it's like an undertone. I'm just ragging all the time, everythign and everyone pisses me off.

And an other thing on top of that is that I can't stand to even think about sex. I think I have sexual guilt or something. I always think I'm doing or just did something slutish ( I guess it doesn't help that my ex used to call me a whore all the time) But I know I'm not a whore so why should I feel like one? OH! and get this: this one I really can't get my head around. When ever I do have an orgasum, I always want to ball my eyes out! Like I get suddently extreamly depressed and sad and I want to cry and cry.

This happens alone and when I'm with the boy I am sort of seeing ( hence the only other person I would be sleeping with at this time).

Oh and I stoped smoking massive amount of weed. I smoke like once a week now, when I'm with friends. I dont do drugs anymore, and I dont have a drinking problem. I left my ex about 2 months ago, in his country of origin, the bastered, lol

Does this make any sence to anyone? Is there a cure? Can I get out of this? What the hell is wrong with me and this sex thing?

Please help
 

Frankied

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
I'm not sure what to do, obviously otherwise I wouldn't be here.

I'm hopping someone else has gone threw the same or I'm hopping I can fix myself.

Little history:
Perfect childhood. Never been beat, abused or anythign of the sort. Infact I guess you could say I got everything I ever needed. But then ever since I started school I used to think myself inferior to others, maybe had something to do with the fact that I skiped a grade..dunno.

Was a big loser in chool till I hit 9th grade, and then realised that all the people I always wanted to hang with were flakes. Got rapped when I was 15. I can't relaly say raped cuz I was tripping on acid and couldn't talk, I couldn't stop lauphing. Point is I didn't want to have sex and kept trying to say no, but couldn't. I put it behind me. Became very promiscuss (dont know how to write that one) some time after. I can't even tell you how many men and women I have been with, and I dont really care to recount.

I've had a few long-ish relationships. I tend to go from one to the next. But my last one totaly did me in. I let myself be abused mentaly cuz I thought I diserved it. Thank god(or who ever) that it's over.
ONly all therew my life I've always felt people were after me, I've always been somewhat depressed, untill I left this country to go live with this last guy. I fell into deep depressiona nd ended up going on some crazy anti-depressants like 150mgs a day of this Effector(or something, a step above prozac). IT sort of worked because I wasen't craying all the time anymore. I finaly left this guy and went home. I got off the pills. But then I got angry and now I'm always angry all the time. It's like one emotion substitues the other. I think it might be a conciouse thing cuz I'll be dambed if I'm going to spend an other minute like I was before, crying at everything. Not that I'm not depressed, it's like an undertone. I'm just ragging all the time, everythign and everyone pisses me off.

And an other thing on top of that is that I can't stand to even think about sex. I think I have sexual guilt or something. I always think I'm doing or just did something slutish ( I guess it doesn't help that my ex used to call me a whore all the time) But I know I'm not a whore so why should I feel like one? OH! and get this: this one I really can't get my head around. When ever I do have an orgasum, I always want to ball my eyes out! Like I get suddently extreamly depressed and sad and I want to cry and cry.

This happens alone and when I'm with the boy I am sort of seeing ( hence the only other person I would be sleeping with at this time).

Oh and I stoped smoking massive amount of weed. I smoke like once a week now, when I'm with friends. I dont do drugs anymore, and I dont have a drinking problem. I left my ex about 2 months ago, in his country of origin, the bastered, lol

Does this make any sence to anyone? Is there a cure? Can I get out of this? What the hell is wrong with me and this sex thing?

Please help
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,390
Points
63
Sounds to me like you are putting a great deal of psychological energy into defending yourself against depression and quite possibly a post-traumatic stress reaction of some sort. When you have an orgasm, there is a momentary disinhibition of those defenses and a release of all that pent up sadness and despair...

The fact that Effexor 150 mgs (which is only a moderate dose) "sort of helped" would tend to confirm that hypothesis.

Do you have access to a therapist now, Frankie?
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,390
Points
63
Sounds to me like you are putting a great deal of psychological energy into defending yourself against depression and quite possibly a post-traumatic stress reaction of some sort. When you have an orgasm, there is a momentary disinhibition of those defenses and a release of all that pent up sadness and despair...

The fact that Effexor 150 mgs (which is only a moderate dose) "sort of helped" would tend to confirm that hypothesis.

Do you have access to a therapist now, Frankie?
 

Frankied

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
Well I'm not sure which type of therapist I should go see. I haven't cuz I couldn't afford it but now I can, so can you help me with a bit of advice on what type of therapy I should get?
 

Frankied

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
Well I'm not sure which type of therapist I should go see. I haven't cuz I couldn't afford it but now I can, so can you help me with a bit of advice on what type of therapy I should get?
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,390
Points
63
You need to look for someone who (1) has experience and training in treating depression and mood disorders, (2) has experience and training in the treatment of sexual issues, and (3) someone who has training and experience in the treatment of post-traumtaic stress reactions. Don't be afraid to ask on the phone about exactly what training and experience the therapist has -- it's your money after all and you have a right to ask.

Somebody with experience in cognitive behavior therapy would be a bonus.
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,390
Points
63
You need to look for someone who (1) has experience and training in treating depression and mood disorders, (2) has experience and training in the treatment of sexual issues, and (3) someone who has training and experience in the treatment of post-traumtaic stress reactions. Don't be afraid to ask on the phone about exactly what training and experience the therapist has -- it's your money after all and you have a right to ask.

Somebody with experience in cognitive behavior therapy would be a bonus.
 

Link

Member
Joined
Aug 3, 2005
Messages
9
Points
1
I'm going to defer to the professional as far as actual advice/recommendations, but I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your situation, and we are all here to support you.

I'm a male, but someone close to me was raped, and I get very angry when I hear about people being raped, sometimes almost to the point that I feel guilty that I couldn't prevent it.
 

Link

Member
Joined
Aug 3, 2005
Messages
9
Points
1
I'm going to defer to the professional as far as actual advice/recommendations, but I just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your situation, and we are all here to support you.

I'm a male, but someone close to me was raped, and I get very angry when I hear about people being raped, sometimes almost to the point that I feel guilty that I couldn't prevent it.
 

Frankied

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
Thanks for the support, Link! I feel your sensitivity about thesse things, and I sometimes feel that I could have prevent my fate too, untill I re-live it and remember that things just sometimes happen or need to happen. And that one must move on, only I'm not sure how to do this (like many), which is why professional help is in order...
 

Frankied

Member
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
10
Points
1
Thanks for the support, Link! I feel your sensitivity about thesse things, and I sometimes feel that I could have prevent my fate too, untill I re-live it and remember that things just sometimes happen or need to happen. And that one must move on, only I'm not sure how to do this (like many), which is why professional help is in order...
 

Allegro

Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2005
Messages
43
Points
6
A movie you may want to check out...

...There is a very well done movie that is about a super-model from the early 1980's called "Gia". It is a true story, and stars Angelina Jolie, and is one of her first films. It is an amazing movie and I think you would be surprised at how much you could relate to the story.
 

beesknees

Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2005
Messages
13
Points
1
I know nothing about any of this but I just wanted you to know that I used to cry my eyes out whenever I had sex with my boyfriend too. We would have a reasonable session then I would be bawling for an hour and not really knowing why. Luckily for me the fellar put up with it and we have now been married for four years. I can't say the feeling has gone altogether, it still happens occasionally. but we have been together so long now that mostly I feel very comfortable with him and I thimk that is the answer for me.
Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
 
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