kelsischanging
Member
After more than a year of constant alcohol abuse... I decided enough is enough. I was about to have big problems at work...I was have serious physical problems, financial problems etc....I could not continue like this....AMA (against medical advice) I detoxed (kinda of 2ish days) by myself. It was horrible. I prayed for death. It was not just the physical symptoms but I had extreme paranoia...like the first night I thought someone was trying to break into my apartment and kill me and the next day at work (yes I went b/c I had to keep up appearances) at about 2:30pm...I thought my desk was falling forward (it's mounted to the wall) and all the paper were falling off. Last night I felt a big better (the paranoia was gone) but I still layed in my bed and cried. Today in the USA is the day before Thanksgiving. My employer let me leave at 3 instead of 5...I was supposed to go over at my parents' at 5 not 3...it was going to be a struggle anyway...my parents' drink daily, but to have that extra time...that extra time to go to my favorite bar....I wasn't strong enough. After the time I had been through. The physical side effects I have been dealing with for weeks (I have been throwing up blood for at least 5 weeks)....I still went to my favorite pub and had a drink...drinks...4...then I went to my parents...I'm there 10 minutes and my mom asks me if I want a glass of wine....I realized if I'm going to beat this or at least manage it...it's going to mean something NON-ALCOHOL planned every night!!!! Church, meeting with a friend, an AA meeting, something, every night!!! My parents' can't help me at this point b/c they drink every night...oh my...I can't believe that after two nights of praying for death b/c of no alcohol I would go back to it so quick...what power does it have over me?
