• Quote of the Day
    "You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness by
    giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged."
    Dale Carnegie, posted by Cat Dancer

Kylie

Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2004
Messages
11
Points
1
Hi, I am having an increasingly hard time in expressing myself, obviously i Self Harm I try soooo hard to curb the feelings but when i feel upset or angry its what i turn to.
I know how i feel in my mind I just can't tell anyone, I really do want help, I want to help myself but i can't tell anyone i can't find the words. I am very emotionally unhappy but I live behind my happy "mask" I dont know what to do, i cry every night, but nobody knows, I dont even think i want people to know.I'm confused
 

Kanadiana

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2004
Messages
377
Points
18
Re: difficulty in expressing myself

Kylie said:
Hi, I am having an increasingly hard time in expressing myself, obviously i Self Harm I try soooo hard to curb the feelings but when i feel upset or angry its what i turn to.
I know how i feel in my mind I just can't tell anyone, I really do want help, I want to help myself but i can't tell anyone i can't find the words. I am very emotionally unhappy but I live behind my happy "mask" I dont know what to do, i cry every night, but nobody knows, I dont even think i want people to know.I'm confused

Hi Kylie :)

It sounds to me like you've started expressing what you're going through, which shows that YES you DO want to talk about what all this is about for you ... more than you want people not to know. To sit and spin alone with this stuff sucks and talking is a step towards understanding what this is all about FOR YOURSELF so you can start getting some power over it (its obvious it bothers you a lot and makes you feel a sort of victim to this stuff.) Self harm ... needs to be understood, NOT judged by you or anyone else. It will lose its power as you gain yours through understanding and resolve whatever issues might be making you do these things.

I talk as someone who has done suicide attempts (my heart was stopped before the time police got me to hospital - age 14) I've attempted other times. I used to be ashamed about my "weakness" but no more, as I understand much through "trying to understand" what this behavior is about for me in my life.

Take care huh :) Don't judge yourself okay... simply evaluate to understand?

Hugs ... Kanadaina
 

Ash

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2004
Messages
261
Points
16
Re: difficulty in expressing myself

Kanadiana said:
Don't judge yourself okay... simply evaluate to understand?

You're right on there. It might be extremely difficult but looking at yourself without judgement is very important in finding a solution.

I understand what you're going through, kylie. I self-injure myself and I am still ashamed of doing so. I get not wanting to talk to people about it because most just don't understand. You will be understood here, though. Talk, talk, talk!

I believe that it's key to track your moods. Don't let yourself get to the point where you have no alternative but to harm yourself. You need to get to the point where you know that it's building. My best outlet is writing. Poetry, songs. I do my best work when I am not quite right in the head. There must be something that can help you!

*hugs*
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,412
Points
63
difficulty in expressing myself

Talking to close friends or family can be difficult at times because we worry about being judged by those people or we don't want to "burden" them or we perhaps feel that they simply won't understand.

I think that's when talking to a counsellor (or minister/priest sometimes) can help -- you don't have to worry about such things with a professional.

Sometimes places like this, or support groups, can also help, because you'll find people who have been or are going through similar problems...
 

Kylie

Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2004
Messages
11
Points
1
difficulty in expressing myself

thank you for replying, it's nice to know there are people who understand, i had a particularily bad day today and then had to go to work which didnt help any. I start back at uni soon, I really want to be alot happier but i know that hiding scars at home is difficlt it is going to be alot worse there, I fel like i dont know but just having to hide part of myself around people eats me up inside
 

Kanadiana

Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2004
Messages
377
Points
18
difficulty in expressing myself

I really want to be alot happier but i know that hiding scars at home is difficlt it is going to be alot worse there, I fel like i dont know but just having to hide part of myself around people eats me up inside

Hi Kylie :)
I certainly know that having to "hide" things from the closest people to us, especially when we live with them every day, is really hard. Always having to put up a front and all :( Have you tried "testing the waters" so to speak? Like somehow casually having a general conversation about the topics and listening to any reactions/responses they might have? Just to open the subject up, but not the fact that you have these issues until you know better how they're likely to react?

Meanwhile ... online, like in this forum, is a great way to start opening up for yourself, so many people are empathetic and really do understand. I find for myself that the more comfortable I get talking to other people safe to unload and share with, then it gets easier for me to know how to start opening up the subject or issues with the people I most need to talk to.

I know your feelings about worrying how they'll react and feel ... which is why I wondered if testing the waters a bit first before disclosing anything about you would help? They can't hear and understand yet, or you don't know IF they will YET ... but in the interim, us people in here do right now. I'm glad you started opening up ...because I know the power of that to lighten the load and start finding some directions on where to go with everything to improve the quality of your life etc ... :)

<hug>
 

Ash

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2004
Messages
261
Points
16
difficulty in expressing myself

Kylie said:
I really want to be alot happier but i know that hiding scars at home is difficlt it is going to be alot worse there

I totally understand that. I've found that summertime is the worst, of course. :) At least at work it's easier for me to cover up and not have people ask questions. Too bad the scars don't make it any easier to stop doing, though!

*hugs*
 

Kylie

Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2004
Messages
11
Points
1
difficulty in expressing myself

Thanks, I guess I will just go with the flow right now so to speak, I know how I want me and my life to be it's just hard to put it into practice I suppose, thanks for all the advice though
xx
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,412
Points
63
difficulty in expressing myself

Kylie said:
Thanks, I guess I will just go with the flow right now so to speak
If "going with the flow" means taking it one step at a time and one day at a time, that's a pretty good way of approaching anything in life.

Good luck, Kylie -- let us know how you're doing...
 

Kylie

Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2004
Messages
11
Points
1
difficulty in expressing myself

I'm not doing great, no matter how happy I want to feel it never works that way, i feel so low , the past week I couldnt cry, it was like I am unhappy but there are no tears , today became so much, I have done nothing but cry for the past 2hours, and of course came home earlier and cut myself...I would help myself but I dont know how, I dont have the courage to talk about how I feel to anyone, I just want it all to go away
 

David Baxter

Administrator
Joined
Mar 26, 2004
Messages
37,412
Points
63
difficulty in expressing myself

I would help myself but I dont know how, I don't have the courage to talk about how I feel to anyone, I just want it all to go away
Talking to a therapis isn't like talking to anyone else, Kylie. You don't have to worry at all what a therapist thinks because s/he isn't there to judge you. You don't to worry about the therapist's feelings, because you're both there to talk about you. You don't have to be concerned about the therapist's reactions to anything that you say because that's the whole point of talking to a therapist -- you can say anything. And if you don't want to talk about certain things, then don't do it -- don't talk about anything until you are ready to.

But the most important thing is that right now you are feeling awful and, honestly, Kylie, you do NOT have to continue feeling that way. One step at a time. Make an appointment.
 

Ash

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2004
Messages
261
Points
16
difficulty in expressing myself

Kylie said:
I'm not doing great, no matter how happy I want to feel it never works that way, i feel so low , the past week I couldnt cry, it was like I am unhappy but there are no tears , today became so much, I have done nothing but cry for the past 2hours, and of course came home earlier and cut myself...I would help myself but I dont know how, I dont have the courage to talk about how I feel to anyone, I just want it all to go away

I understand. I have Bipolar Disorder and have been on-and-off suicidal since I was 12. To get by I've cut, I've dropped out of society, I've ignored all of my problems. Too much there have been times where I cried for days, didn't want to go on, couldn't handle ANYTHING. I've learned to take care of myself more during those times and TO GIVE MYSELF A BREAK.

I once read someplace that those who have suicidal thoughts are actually those who have the strongest will to live. It makes sense to me since we have dealt with this for so long and still we go on. Let someone who has never experienced that deep depression deal with it for a day and I'm not sure they would be as strong or determined.

You can definitely say anything you want here. Most of us have experienced the same feelings and maybe we can offer some sort of plan.

My biggest advice: white-knuckle it as best you can. Even if it doesn't feel like it, remember that this too shall pass and that nothing lasts forever. I'm proud of the fact that I'm still here even after all these years of depression. Granted, I've hung on by my fingernails a lot of those times. What's important is that I'm still here and I have more hope for the future. (Something I've only recently possessed)

Talk with a doctor. Go to therapy. Get on meds. Read books that can help you understand what you're going through. And keep in touch with us.

Please take it easy on yourself. When you're depressed, it's easy to fall down that hole and want to give up. Don't short-change yourself!

*hugs*
 

sammy

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2004
Messages
113
Points
18
difficulty in expressing myself

How you doing Kylie?

Are you still around? Thinking about you....
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom