Dissociation back

[iam*who*iam]

my dissociation has started again. sometimes i can go a while without it happening. i never know what triggers it. sometimes i can feel things a few days before it starts.

last week was a really bad episode, it started off like a panic attack..but quickly escalated. it felt like i was almost..turning inside out. i couldn't focus on anything around me. i felt like i was being taken away somewhere, in a very slow, painful manner..bit by bit.

it was terrifying too, because this time there is this darkness that comes with it.

i know it never is good. today the same thing happened. i am not sure if it's PTSD related...i assume it is.

i could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. i tried to close them tight...i tried to make it stop inside my head..the fuzziness..the buzzing.. i told it i didn't want it taking me to the darkness..i begged it..out loud..

i haven't figured out what it is yet. or where it wants to take me..or why...or what i do for it to do that. when that happens, i cannot be near anyone or anything. i do not fully exist at that time..it's like i am only half there, if even..and words cannot come out.

it's the scariest..most confusing thing to go through.

i tried to keep busy..but only after taking an ativan, did it all stop..except then, the ativan made me a little high...and i don't fully remember what i did for maybe...2-3 hrs.

blah.

 

[braveheart]

Re: dissociation back

I sometimes find going somewhere quiet e.g. a public toilet, or the toilet at work, and sitting on the floor and holding onto my legs with my head on my knees can help. At home I curl up under my blanket with a teddy bear.

 

[ladylore]

That does sound 'Blah' Iam. I use to dissociate quite a bit and its taken time to figure out what my triggers are and grounding techniques that work for me.

For me, dissociation happens when I am overwhelmed by what I am feeling and I shut down or escape so I don't go into overload. But I have learned that whatever I am feeling won't harm me, as they are only feelings. The same events that caused those feelings in the past are not happening now.

What grounding techniques work for you Iam? They can change overtime.

:hug: Many of us have been there.

Ladylore