Distorted Thinking

[ladylore]

What you are experiencing is very real Gooblax. When anyone makes changes in their lives for the better the brain actually does try to get back to the familiar old ways.

It has been described to me as ski tracks. The old ski tracks are well worn and deep so it takes a bit of time for the new tracks to get deep enough so the brain will use those new ones more and more.

This is actually a testament of how well you are doing Gooblax. I am proud of all the work you have done and the positve changes you have made. This is just a speedbump. :wink:

:goodjob: :friends:

 

[white page]

:agree::goodposting:

 

[Jazzey]

I agree with what everyone here has said Gooblax. And, I'm so happy that you shared with us. Please don't beat yourself up about this. :hug: :airkiss:

 

[gooblax]

Thanks everyone. Your support and kindness mean a lot to me, and it really helped to talk about things here.
A warm :hug: to each of you. :flowers:

 

[white page]

:airkiss: gooblax you are most welcome :hug:

 

[NicNak]

I am glad it was helpful to you Gooblax :kiss2:

You are always welcome :hug: :support:

 

[amastie]

Hi Gooblax :hug:

we both live in Australia but I didn't see your thread. Just coming in late to say that I too am glad that you brought your thoughts here It doesn't matter how unreal or "not genuine" your thoughts of suicide seem to be. It just doesn't matter. Always speak of them, especially to your T because that helps him to put together the pieces best to help you. He might recognize something that you might miss. Don't leave anything out and that way he can help you work out what *is* real and worth addressing.

I'm *very* glad that you found support here

Take good care of you :hug: :flowers:

amastie

 

[gooblax]

Thanks amastie. *hugs*

 

[gooblax]

Sorry to revive an old thread and all...

Some of these thoughts have really started to scare me, when I manage to step back and get a different view of them. I'm going to work out a way to make an appointment with my therapist sometime.

 

[Jazzey]

I'm sorry to hear that you're still having these thoughts Gooblax. I think that an appointment with your therapist is a really good plan - the sooner the better Gooblax.

 

[amastie]

Sorry to revive an old thread and all......I'm going to work out a way to make an appointment with my therapist sometime.

No need to be sorry at all
Sounds like a good idea to see the therapist.
Sending thoughts your way..

 

[gooblax]

I feel incredibly guilty about posting about this yet again.

With my mood being somewhat inconsistent lately, I can't exactly predict what kind of thoughts I'll be having. This is unfortunate because I inadvertently came up with a 'plan' of sorts (which is 'supposed' to happen tomorrow due to where I'll be at the time). I don't think I'll do it - I'm 98% sure that I won't. The 2% uncertainty is scaring me, though. What if my thoughts go all screwy? It happened last week and I managed to totally freak myself out.

I know they're just thoughts and I don't have to act on them. I'm going to make sure I remember that. It's just... :hopeless:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I know they're just thoughts and I don't have to act on them. I'm going to make sure I remember that.

Gooblax, find and write down the number for a crisis line, carry it with you, and use it during those times when that 2% is active.

 

[white page]

Sorry to revive an old thread and all...

Some of these thoughts have really started to scare me, when I manage to step back and get a different view of them. I'm going to work out a way to make an appointment with my therapist sometime.

Gooblax , :support:
Please don't apologize , this forum is the right place to come to when these chronic thoughts resurge , by telling us , we can support you through these times and it is always better to communicate how you are feeling than keeping these thoughts and feelings locked inside .:hug:

 

[amastie]

Hi Gooblax,

I was going to PM you this information but it might be of help to others in Australia - and I welcome it being added if needed to any resource list on PsychLinks.

To help provide support lines to you, I rang Lifeline here in Victoria, which is Australia-wide to ask what is the number for the Suicide hotlines in Australia (hoping it would just be one). Instead, it turns out that there is one for each state. Since I don't know which state you are in, I will list them all.

Please know that I am not including this list to impose them on you - not at all - but only in case any of them might be a good backup if you ever feel that 2% chance niggling at you. I'll also give you the number of Lifeline (which you may already have). It *is* Australia-wide but *never* answers straight away. I waited nearly 18 minutes to talk to someone just now. But they gave me the numbers across the country for the Suicide Hotlines. I rang one of them and they answered within half a minute. I was so glad of that

So here are the numbers:

Lifeline (Australia wide) avail 24hr - 13 1114
can keep you on hold for ages but, if you can, keep them on speaker and play on your computer while you're waiting for someone to speak

Suicide Hotlines (by State) ... all are avail 24 hours
Victoria .............. 1300 651 251
ACT ..........j......... 1800 629 354
NSW .................... 1300 363 622
Norther Territory ..... 1800 019 116
Queensland ............ 1300 363 622
South Australia ....... 13 1465

Tasmania ............... Metro area - (03) 6331 3355
Country area - 1300 364 566

Western Australia .... Metro area - (08) 9381 5555
Country area - 1800 198 313

Keep whichever number may be of help to you Gooblax.
And feel free to PM me if I can be of help or support by phone. (I can ring anywhere in Australia for free because of the telephone/internet package I have).

Even for the 98% part of you that doesn't think you will act on your distorted thinking, use that clearer part to takes steps to actively ensure that you remain safe. By all means stay online here when you can. If not one person can be online, another one can be. And, *please* do tell your therapist as soon as you can how you are feeling - even if you describe it as not *knowing* what you feel. By talking over things with her/him, other stuff will come up. If your therapist is a good one, then they will be able to gauge from the tenor of your conversation if, in fact, your mood is more low than even you are able, intellectually to assess (if that makes sense <lol>)

Ok, enough of me :bonk:

Hang in there, *be well*, be supported, be here!

:hug: :hug: :support:

amastie added 22 Minutes and 59 Seconds later...

Too late to add this note to my previous post:

I am looking at the time - 12.23am on Monday morning and I won't be able to stay online for very much longer. Depends on how long it takes to do what I must do before going to bed. I'll leave this thread available till then. I'll let you know when I go offline. Remember to PM me if you need to, if not tonight, then at another time. I'm out most of tomorrow and Tuesday and Wednesday during the day but will sign in when I get home.

Ok. Leaving this on till I report back....

 

[Jazzey]

Gooblax you're in my thoughts. I'm just adding one thing to the great information you've already received. Whenever I have these thoughts, I force myself to imagine the reaction of those who love me and that I love right back: my family, my friends (both IRL and here). That helps to remind me that I can accept the thoughts as just that, thoughts. Deciding to put them into action would result in a tragedy for the people I love the most.

Sometimes, having a plan can bring some kind of peace (at least for me) - but it doesn't mean that we have to follow through on it....

Please carry around those numbers.... :hug: :hug: - I'll be checking in on you later Gooblax.

 

[Into The Light]

gooblax, if you are alone at that specific time, why not make a change in plan and be somewhere with other people? that way you can keep yourself safe during that window of time.

whatever pain you are feeling that makes you hit that 2%, keep telling yourself, over and over and over, "this will pass, i will not always feel this way."

come here and post on the forum to distract yourself if you cannot find a way to be with people during that time. call one of the hotline numbers amastie found for you. there is support available to you to talk you through that crisis time and get you through it.

i can guarantee you that you will not regret making it through. from personal experience i am really, really glad i fought to make it through. life is good for me now. it is worth it to make it through, gooblax, i promise you that. do not give up hope, and do not give up on yourself. life can and will be okay for you again.

keep us posted. :hug::support:

 

[amastie]

Ok, I'm going to cheat, only so that you know, Gooblax, that you're not alone at this time.

There has been a part of me which has been fantasizing about the ways that I can do the same thing - not that I have set things things up to do it. I haven't, and I expect that I'm further away from it than you may feel. I'm not nearly 2%, but the thought of it ... mmm.... I think .. mmm, I wonder.... This way or that way?..

I say this *NOT* because I need support. I'm actually doing better tonight than in a long while, but it's come out of some up and down time myself. So, along with others who have expressed in here how they too have felt like you, I add my own (terribly guilty :blush admission <Now you can forget that I said it, ok?!>

You're not alone in feeling it's not worth it, that it's too hard, too much, too ... anything and *nothing*. You are not alone, you are surrounded by people who understand, *truly* undersand. Stand on our shoulders. Things look higher from up there

... ok, have put on the washing. Dishes to do..

Be back...

amastie added 117 Minutes and 30 Seconds later...

... not finished yet. Had to redo some washing...

amastie added 196 Minutes and 45 Seconds later...

That's it. Got caught up too long online but *did* accomplish some things which feels great! Overtired but happy

I'll be back online tomorrow night I expect. Perhaps we will hear more from Gooblax before then. I just hope Gooblax that you know you are cared for and that, regardless of whether *you* think you deserve it, we are extremely smart, sensiible people so if we think you are deserving of our support, then it *must* be true

Best wishes and good night to all,

amastie

 

[texasgirl]

Just thinking of you, Gooblax. Take care...:hug:

 

[gooblax]

Thankyou all so much for your support. I've written down the number and all should be fine.