Divorce your toxic family?

[CarlaMarie]

Ok what stops you? I have tried a few tactics. I blocked out my entire childhood for a long time moved across the country. Quit answering the phone and made a life that didn't include the abused child. I tried to stop the memories but they find their way back in. Those issues I had back with my family of origin sneak into my current relationships. I wish that worked for me it didn't. I have to process through what happened to me. It cought up with me.

 

[bloodwood]

Blue Boris:
One of the key difficulties with divorce is the question of: "What if I had tried this...or that...could I have fixed it?"
This question lingers for years. Intellectually you know what the answer is but emotionally it can nag at you. And any conact that you do have where things feel a little better can cause you to hope and wish...sigh. It is difficult.
It really sounds as though you have come to a conscious, considered and healthy decision and are working on accepting the truth of the decision. If it helps at all you should remember that the decision is ultimately reversible if things ever did change. In my case my father changed and became aware a year before his death. He realized what he had lost in his family. Not a really happy ending but it was some validation.

CarlaMarie:
Your story is the truth of the lesson that a wall doesn't work. The yucky part is that we have to snuggle in with the truth of who and what we are and try to come to peaceful terms with it in order to get past it and get free of its affects on our life today.
Peter

---------- Post added at 09:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:36 AM ----------

Fish_In_the_Sea:
What I called "NormalFolk" is what I refer to as people who have not experienced trauma - or - discovered that they have lived trauma.
These good souls can often not appreciate your frame of reference. The word Mother means something different than it means to you. The same often goes for the word "Family" "Home" etc. They will likely never ever be able to appreciate what you have experienced and how that has shaped you. What I have found is that only when they have had their life shaken can they start to understand what it can do to you and how very deeply it can touch you. You are on your own journey much different from theirs and you can only wish them happiness for the bliss of their own lives. They are lucky.
You have to choose your own path for you. The one that fits YOU - not them.
It sounds like the "every person you told" were mostly un-like you. One way you might be able to encounter more of the "like" people is at encounter groups. We have found them very helpful places to discuss and exchange and you may occasionally meet an person where a friendship could develop outside the group. If not at least you are discussing those things inside the group. We really benefited by it and there is lots of them listed on the psychlinks.ca site. I found them to be casual, welcoming and supportive.
Find a way to expose yourself to people who are "like" you to encourage the chances. One note is that you want "like" but also at a relatively similar level of self awareness or higher.
Peter

 

[CarlaMarie]

And that is the hard part Peter. It is nice to hear from someone who has gotten through all the way toward peace. It gives me hope as I continue through the muck. It is a process I understand. Blue Borris I'm glad you have chosen to take the walk instead the wall route.

 

[bloodwood]

CarlaMarie:
"...all the way toward peace..."

Oh yes, Nirvana is mine!!! And I have an extra cushion here if you drop by. [hummmmm]