DIY Relationship Extrication

[toll]

I think I need to end a 6+ year relationship, but I don't feel emotionally/psychologically able. I'll provide any and all requested information, in return for your advice and/or opinion.

I take anti-depressant for ongoing, long term depression. My GP has also diagnosed me with General Anxiety Disorder, and has prescribed Xanax here and there, which I have taken in half doses, relatively rarely.

There is no physical or emotional abuse occurring in the relationship, however, years of built up anger and resentment, coupled with (in my opinion) some poor behaviour, and shabby treatment, have taken their toll on my perception of him and of the relationship. Working it out is not an option.

When I imagine my life post-breakup, I am overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, loneliness, and complete lack of will to carry on with life.

As someone who has lived with depression and anxiety for at least 25 years, the thought that my imaginings might materialize if I break off the relationship, is horrifying ... and I think that it is the fear of how I imagine my life post-breakup that stops me from moving forward, and leaving the sinking ship.

I think that I have abandonment issues, due mostly to some heaving abandonment and severe neglect from birth to late adolescence.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my message ... looking forward to your insights!

 

[forgetmenot]

Just want to say hi welcome to PL Marriage counseling not an option why may i ask Getting counseling can help both in the marriage see each others weaknesses and strengths. Your depression you have had it for very long Have you tired therapy individually to improve this or try new medication out there now If this was controlled this depression perhaps you would see your husband in a different light.

 

[toll]

Hi Eclipse - thanks for your input

We are not married, and we don't live together.

If I've posted in the wrong section here, my apologies ... the relationship/separation part of this section seemed to address my issue more closely than any other that I saw.

So ... no counseling.

I don't speak about the issues that are eating away at my comfort in the relationship, and/or eroding my sense of trust and self value. When I have a couple of times, years back, I am reminded that we entered into this relationship with an agreement that there would be no commitment, therefore, I should either deal with it or leave the relationship.

There is not much of a relationship to be saved, and yet for the reasons stated in my first post, I feel as though leaving would bring an end to my happiness and remove all meaning in my life. This is the reason that I'm seeking assistance here ... I'm not attempting to save the relationship, but to save myself once it has ended

 

[rdw]

Do you have good friends or family who would let you know when you are sinking? How about a therapist or a counselor? Change is hard but sometimes the fear of that change is worse than the change itself.

 

[toll]

I have a sister and a daughter to talk to. They both deal with pretty heavy issues of their own, but they are both always willing to listen to me whine.

Therapist and counselor are not options ... we have no free services in that direction here, and I have no money.

I'll try to talk to my sister today ... can't bear to add more stress to my daughter's burdens ... not right now, at least.

 

[SooChun Lin]

Hi Toll,

If you have abandonment issues, working on it is almost the most important thing for you and your happiness.

... I feel as though leaving would bring an end to my happiness and remove all meaning in my life.

Do you believe that your happiness could only come from this person or this relationship? What about yourself as a individual and valuable independent soul?

If you need to attach on someone or something to be happy, that's a tough life in general.

Having counseling or professional help is a good option, if you are not able to, perhaps you want to consider reading about and practicing improving "self esteem". Though it might be not so easy if your past issue such as abandonment issue haven't been resolved.