im_in_chains
Member
A friendship of 20 years ended just 3 days ago. Since that evening, I?ve been feeling relieved, happy and oh so fine!
Is this wrong?
This is the person I?m talking about from this thread
The importance of respecting differences - Page 2 - Psychlinks Psychology and Self-Help Forum
After six months of hearing her insulting those who do the same jobs as me and suspecting she included me in that (de)valuation, I wrote her an email letting her know how hurt I was by some of the things she said. If I could have spoken to her in person, believe me, I would have but it was incredibly hard to speak whenever we were together as she?d just dominate the whole ?conversation?.
I sought much advice on the email and revised it twice before sending. It wasn?t attacking in any way. It was kind and honest. In it, I invited her to discuss the situation with me. However, less than an hour after reading it, she replied, defending herself (which I expected her to), standing by what she said (still insulting my profession) yet contradicting herself saying we?re a valuable resource then she ended our friendship and wished me well. I shed a few tears while reading that email and after I finished reading it, my tears stopped.
I acknowledged her ending the friendship and also wished her well. After that I felt mightily relieved.
The following day I get a message from her saying that although she may have lost my friendship, I?ve not lost hers and if I needed her, she was there for me. Hmmm, I seem to remember it was her who ended it. I?ve been hurting for many months, unable to tell her and now I have, her reaction was to end it. I just don?t want to go back to that.
I feel so at peace now it?s over and I?m sure it?s because I?ve been in pain for months and the relief is welcomed. She, however, has only been aware of anything being wrong since receiving my email so I?m guessing she?s going to feel pretty bad for a while, unless she puts on her armour of bravado and pretends she doesn?t care.
For a person to feel relieved after their friend has ended the friendship, what does that mean? Does it mean that they are uncaring. What I mean is, am I uncaring? Or does it mean that they simply recognised when something no longer felt right.
Thanks for reading.
Is this wrong?
This is the person I?m talking about from this thread
The importance of respecting differences - Page 2 - Psychlinks Psychology and Self-Help Forum
This makes perfect sense to me. My friend is exactly the same way. Like you, I find myself silently disagreeing with the offensive things she says and other things besides that which aren't offensive. She can be really nasty, sometimes. Woe betide you if you're 'fat' (verbatim), a Pakistani (she shortens that word) and anyone else she feels like slating.
I've sat with her listening to her tirades, for instance, when she goes on about how 'fat' people are disgusting and there's 'no excuse'. She speaks with such contempt! This hurts me because I'm overweight and trying to get it down - it's not easy and will take time. I haven't said anything about the pain she causes because I just don't know how to bring it up. I fear she'd make out like I was being too sensitive and that she wasn't referring to me.
Currently, she's slating someone who happens to do the same job as me but the more she talks and the words she uses such as replacing 'she' with 'they' or 'them', I can't help but wonder if she's using the grievance she has with this person as an opportunity to have a dig at me. Furthermore, from what she says about that and 'fat' people, I'm beginning to wonder whether she actually likes me at all.
She's very highly opinionated - in her mind, her opinions are always right and everyone else's are wrong. And sometimes, it's as if she sometimes sees opinions as facts. Her tirades are often full of arrogance. It's incredibly intimidating and because I'm a shy reticent person, although I'm ok around new people and can assert myself if necessary, around her, I find the prospect of debating/disagreeing with/confronting her quite scary. That's largely because in her storytelling she tells me of this 'stranger', who, if you dare to argue with or cross, will give you verbal hell. I say stranger because although it's supposedly her she's describing, I realised I've never actually met this verbal warrior she portrays herself to be. I suspect it's all bravado as in and she wouldn't really be as verbally aggressive as she likes me to believe; she talks the talk but wouldn't dream of walking the walk, so I suspect I don't have much to worry about on that score. "Feel the fear and do it anyway!"
After six months of hearing her insulting those who do the same jobs as me and suspecting she included me in that (de)valuation, I wrote her an email letting her know how hurt I was by some of the things she said. If I could have spoken to her in person, believe me, I would have but it was incredibly hard to speak whenever we were together as she?d just dominate the whole ?conversation?.
I sought much advice on the email and revised it twice before sending. It wasn?t attacking in any way. It was kind and honest. In it, I invited her to discuss the situation with me. However, less than an hour after reading it, she replied, defending herself (which I expected her to), standing by what she said (still insulting my profession) yet contradicting herself saying we?re a valuable resource then she ended our friendship and wished me well. I shed a few tears while reading that email and after I finished reading it, my tears stopped.
I acknowledged her ending the friendship and also wished her well. After that I felt mightily relieved.
The following day I get a message from her saying that although she may have lost my friendship, I?ve not lost hers and if I needed her, she was there for me. Hmmm, I seem to remember it was her who ended it. I?ve been hurting for many months, unable to tell her and now I have, her reaction was to end it. I just don?t want to go back to that.
I feel so at peace now it?s over and I?m sure it?s because I?ve been in pain for months and the relief is welcomed. She, however, has only been aware of anything being wrong since receiving my email so I?m guessing she?s going to feel pretty bad for a while, unless she puts on her armour of bravado and pretends she doesn?t care.
For a person to feel relieved after their friend has ended the friendship, what does that mean? Does it mean that they are uncaring. What I mean is, am I uncaring? Or does it mean that they simply recognised when something no longer felt right.
Thanks for reading.