Don't Know How To Accept This

[GDPR]

In my introduction thread, I mentioned that I am 'supposedly' DID. I said supposedly because I don't believe or accept the diagnosis.

I started therapy over a year ago, my life was completely out of control. Within the first 3 sessions I was diagnosed with PTSD. I wasn't really sure what PTSD was, but once I read all the info I could find, I realized the diagnosis fit. I accept that.

But DID, on the other hand, is something I just can't come to terms with. I just can't grasp how a person could live with that kind of disorder and not have a clue. How could I NOT know something like that? How could my kids and my husband not know? How could something like that go unnoticed?

My therapist keeps telling me it's clearly DID, and I keep telling him he's wrong. How do I know whether to even trust him?

How do I even attempt accepting this diagnosis?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Why does your therapist believe DID applies to you? And what sort of therapist is s/he?

 

[GDPR]

He's a psychologist.

I'm assuming he has based his diagnosis on my symptoms/experiences and what he has observed.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I just can't grasp how a person could live with that kind of disorder and not have a clue. How could I NOT know something like that? How could my kids and my husband not know? How could something like that go unnoticed?

I ask because I wonder about this part of your post. Have you asked your psychologist these questions?

 

[Yuray]

Perhaps your therapist was thinking along these lines.

There is a great deal of overlap of symptoms and experiences among the several Dissociative Disorders, including DID. Some people who may not qualify for a specific diagnosis may, nevertheless, have problems with dissociation.

Sidran: Help for Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) and dissociation.

 

[GDPR]

It just seems to me that if a person is DID, others would be able to definitely notice the 'different' personalities. My husband and kids know I have severe mood swings, and that I act different at times, but have never flat out said they are 'different personalities'. My T. seems to think most people wouldn't be able to make that distinction unless they were educated on DID., and to most it would just seems like mood swings.

I do know I dissociate. I do know I feel different at times. I do know I act different at times too. But it's like I'm observing myself, like I'm not in control of what I say and do at times.

I also have times where I don't remember what I have said or done until later, sometimes right afterwards and sometimes not for hours or days.

I guess I was under the assumption that DID is exactly like the movie Sybil....or even the show 'United States Of Tara'. 'If' this is DID, it's nothing like either of those.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It just seems to me that if a person is DID, others would be able to definitely notice the 'different' personalities.

I'm inclined to agree. I also think that DID is erroneously over-diagnosed personally, although of course I am not in a position to dispute your psychologist's diagnosis in your case or in any specific case.

 

[GDPR]

Yesterday I said "it sounds like you're trying to convince me that it's DID", and he said "well you sound like you don't want to believe it". I told him of course I don't want to believe it, who would want to.

Sometimes I feel like it's what HE wants, maybe out of boredom....maybe trying to make a name for himself....maybe he has intentions of writing a book or something.

Yet, at the same time, my life is pretty chaotic and I HAVE to get control of 'whatever' this is.My job is in jeopordy because I keep saying/doing things I don't wanna say and do. My marriage is in turmoil, everything is a mess. I almost feel like I have to accept the diagnosis in order to get some kind of help.

Something is definitely wrong. Something has been my entire life. I'm just not sure what it is exactly.

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

That seems a bit ridiculous that you have to accept that part right away and that it seems to be a condition that he continues your therapy... Is that what you are saying? Or am I misunderstanding?

Can you ask him to revisit this notion of DID later on, and work on other things for the time-being? If he sees you long enough, maybe it will enter his head that you don't have DID or just have some small overlapping symptoms of it with your other symptoms, like Yuray was saying. If he has proof everytime you visit that you don't exhibit these symptoms he claims you must have, perhaps time is all you need to convince him. That's if you are reluctant to leave him -- on the other hand, why not try a second opinion?

 

[Daniel E.]

on the other hand, why not try a second opinion?

I was wondering the same thing. I would consider a therapist pushing a DID diagnosis as a red flag.

 

[GDPR]

That seems a bit ridiculous that you have to accept that part right away and that it seems to be a condition that he continues your therapy..

That's not what I'm saying at all. He's not forcing me to accept anything as a condition to continue therapy. That's just how I feel. I'm going there for help, I've been diagnosed, so I need to decide for myself whether I accept it and receive help, or If I refuse it and stop going. I personally don't see the point in continuing if I can't accept what he says.

He's not 'pushing' DID, he's just telling me that's why I experience the things I do, such as time loss, saying/doing things I don't remember, or don't intend on saying/doing. Not remembering sessions. Getting injured and not feeling the pain for hours, sometimes days, etc.

I could get a second opinion, but I really don't want to go see someone else.

 

[Jazzey]

Hi lost,

My therapist has also wondered that about me. And I say wondered because it was more of a question than anything else. Like you, I don't think so. I've asked friends about it, if they've noticed something. My friends have told me they can tell when I'm dissociating but, I personally don't think that this means that I have DID. And nor does my therapist. I also suffer from severe dissociation. So sometimes, I can feel my personally being sucked in deep into myself - if that makes sense. There's a physical part of it too: a tingling as I start to disappear a little. I the back of my head starts to tingle and I can feel myself sucking into my stomach if you know what I mean? When things are bad, I've joked that there's this button on the back of my head...I push it and *poof* I'm gone inside myself. Completely disappear. But I'm still aware of stuff going on most of the time. On good days, I will ground myself so that I don't disappear all the way but everything has this kind of dreamlike nature to it and now, it's uncomfortable (before, although I only recognize it now, I liked that feeling). On bad days I lose time too. I can do a half day and not remember exactly what I was doing...but there are external signs that remind me of some of it. All of it can be distressful sometimes.

But again, and like you, I don't think that it's necessarily DID. Just really strong dissociation. I'm not saying that you do or do not have DID. But like you, I just didn't believe that I had DID because...well, I think I would know. There's one personality in there. She just wants to disappear sometimes.

So, and again I know that this is personal - I've just accepted that this is what I do for the time being. I keep doing the grounding techniques etc....and I do all the things that I have to do so that I don't need to dissociate.

If you don't want a second opinion - don't. I completely agree. I like my therapist and I wouldn't want to start over again. If I had to start over again, I just wouldn't. If you do choose later on to get a second opinion that's your decision and I'll support you in that decision too.

I think sometimes therapists speak out loud. It's a sounding board for us. And for me, it's been helpful for me to really pinpoint those times where I know I go away. For me personally, I've just chosen it as a means to figuring out (through that sounding board) what it is that I do and how to maybe change things up a little so that I have more awareness of what I do.

 

[Daniel E.]

That's the real issue -- what is the treatment plan? The concern is that a treatment plan for DID, at least traditionally, would create more problems as a way to justify the diagnosis, e.g. "unearthing" more and more alternative identities.

 

[Jazzey]

I think I understand what you're saying Daniel. Over the past few years, I've relaxed about having "the diagnosis". I just want to know what I do, why I do it and the tools to feel better. The actual label, for me personally, doesn't mean diddly squat. But I understand other people's need to have it. I used to feel the same way about it.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's not what I'm saying at all. He's not forcing me to accept anything as a condition to continue therapy. That's just how I feel. I'm going there for help, I've been diagnosed, so I need to decide for myself whether I accept it and receive help, or If I refuse it and stop going. I personally don't see the point in continuing if I can't accept what he says.

He's not 'pushing' DID, he's just telling me that's why I experience the things I do, such as time loss, saying/doing things I don't remember, or don't intend on saying/doing. Not remembering sessions. Getting injured and not feeling the pain for hours, sometimes days, etc.

I could get a second opinion, but I really don't want to go see someone else.

There is a big difference between dissociative episodes and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). I understood the questioned diagnosis to be DID, which as I said above is quite specific, rather rare, and in my opinion overdiagnosed.

Is this not the case? If what he is saying is that you have dissociative episodes, that may well be consistent to what you have described. If he is saying specifically that the diagnosis is DID, that may be more open to question.

 

[Jazzey]

Sorry. Maybe I'm the one that confused the issue. I thought that it was still a "possible diagnosis" rather than an affirmative one. Which is why I wrote what I wrote. sorry for any confusion I may have cause.

 

[GDPR]

I talked to him about it during my last session. He said it's a spectrum disorder, and all a matter of degree. Evidently, I'm on the 'mild' end of DID.

He's still saying it's definitely DID, not just dissociative episodes.

Not sure whether I'm going to go back again.

 

[GDPR]

DDNOS would be more accurate, I think. Probably not really much different though.

 

[Always Changing]

What does DDNOS mean exactly

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's a catch-all category for dissociative disorders where the symptoms don't fir the criteria for the specific diagnoses. It stands for "Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified".

The NOS designation is available for other diagnoses as well, e.g., EDNOS for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.