durr, what a non-descript title.
Today, my nana died, I called my boyfriend and asked him to come home for a few minutes so we could talk. He kept saying he would, and finally, when he didn't, i called him asking when he'd be here. He said he was entertaining, and wouldn't be coming. Needless to say, I broke.
I went to the pub where he was hanging out, and there he was with this girl, who happened to be all over him. I introduce myself, apologise for interrupting, and ask if maybe I could talk to him alone. I explain the situation to him, and how I was afraid to be alone for fear of hurting myself. I have past issues with drug abuse/self injury, and I've been free of both for nearly two years now. I didn't want to slip back into old habits. He said I could stay, and I proceeded to drink (I know, stupid) while listening to him and htis girl have an animated conversation while I'm being ignored. Eventually, I'm on my fourth vodka and sprite and still disturbingly sober, when his friend Derek showed up. Derek is...confusion. Sometimes I absolutely despise him, but most of the time he seems like a pretty nice guy. Right off the bat, Derek and I start talking (we have a lot more in common than i do with my boyfriend, but for age reasons (he's 13 years older than meand the fact that there's zero attraction to him on my part, we're just acquaintances). The bar is loud, so you have to lean in to talk to people, so derek and I were having a conversation with my head practically on his shoulder. No big deal, just a little awkward because I have a huge personal space radius.
Derek and my boyfriend (mikey) leave the table briefly so I get to speak to the girl, who tells me she met my boyfriend online and he had skipped work to go meet her that day. My jaw nearly hit the ground, she told me how surprised she was that he had a girlfriend, I was like 'nah, don't worry about it'. I mean, why drag this innocent girl into the quickly brewing crap with my boyfriend?
It gets better, after refusing my requests for a hug, he invites this girl to stay with us for the night. He's now in bed after a discussion where he threatened to break up with me, while I'm hiding out upstairs and she's sleeping on the bed.
Is it wrong of me to have asked him to just have her stay elsewhere? and maybe warn me next time he runs off to meet random people off the internet?
I'm annoyed because my grandmother's dead, and now I don't have the freedom to express myself, because my comfortable space is being invaded. A secondary annoyance is the fact that after dating for two years, and dumping all my friends for him (now that was a stupid idea), he still hasn't let me into his private life.
I've tried discussing this with him in an objective and logical way, but he just gets angry. Sometimes I feel as if he uses the threat of breaking up as a weapon or tool of control. While he certainly has very manipulative qualities, I'm not 100% sure he's all that bad. I've been in abusive relationships in the past, and I swore I'd never let myself do it again, and I'm afraid I may have let this one slip by. I'm also equally disturbed that Derek seemed to pick up on and care about the emotion a lot more than mikey. It's a bit strange, because I don't know derek all that well for starters, and he usually comes across as very cold and logical, as opposed to warm and comforting.
Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this conflict without risking the relationship?
Today, my nana died, I called my boyfriend and asked him to come home for a few minutes so we could talk. He kept saying he would, and finally, when he didn't, i called him asking when he'd be here. He said he was entertaining, and wouldn't be coming. Needless to say, I broke.
I went to the pub where he was hanging out, and there he was with this girl, who happened to be all over him. I introduce myself, apologise for interrupting, and ask if maybe I could talk to him alone. I explain the situation to him, and how I was afraid to be alone for fear of hurting myself. I have past issues with drug abuse/self injury, and I've been free of both for nearly two years now. I didn't want to slip back into old habits. He said I could stay, and I proceeded to drink (I know, stupid) while listening to him and htis girl have an animated conversation while I'm being ignored. Eventually, I'm on my fourth vodka and sprite and still disturbingly sober, when his friend Derek showed up. Derek is...confusion. Sometimes I absolutely despise him, but most of the time he seems like a pretty nice guy. Right off the bat, Derek and I start talking (we have a lot more in common than i do with my boyfriend, but for age reasons (he's 13 years older than meand the fact that there's zero attraction to him on my part, we're just acquaintances). The bar is loud, so you have to lean in to talk to people, so derek and I were having a conversation with my head practically on his shoulder. No big deal, just a little awkward because I have a huge personal space radius.
Derek and my boyfriend (mikey) leave the table briefly so I get to speak to the girl, who tells me she met my boyfriend online and he had skipped work to go meet her that day. My jaw nearly hit the ground, she told me how surprised she was that he had a girlfriend, I was like 'nah, don't worry about it'. I mean, why drag this innocent girl into the quickly brewing crap with my boyfriend?
It gets better, after refusing my requests for a hug, he invites this girl to stay with us for the night. He's now in bed after a discussion where he threatened to break up with me, while I'm hiding out upstairs and she's sleeping on the bed.
Is it wrong of me to have asked him to just have her stay elsewhere? and maybe warn me next time he runs off to meet random people off the internet?
I'm annoyed because my grandmother's dead, and now I don't have the freedom to express myself, because my comfortable space is being invaded. A secondary annoyance is the fact that after dating for two years, and dumping all my friends for him (now that was a stupid idea), he still hasn't let me into his private life.
I've tried discussing this with him in an objective and logical way, but he just gets angry. Sometimes I feel as if he uses the threat of breaking up as a weapon or tool of control. While he certainly has very manipulative qualities, I'm not 100% sure he's all that bad. I've been in abusive relationships in the past, and I swore I'd never let myself do it again, and I'm afraid I may have let this one slip by. I'm also equally disturbed that Derek seemed to pick up on and care about the emotion a lot more than mikey. It's a bit strange, because I don't know derek all that well for starters, and he usually comes across as very cold and logical, as opposed to warm and comforting.
Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this conflict without risking the relationship?
