More threads by Eunoia


do you guys think it's possible that enmeshed families become "unenmeshed"? and if yes, then only w/ therapy or w/ time, or family members taking on different roles etc.? ie. if one person changes how she/he reacts w/in the family context will that eventually "teach" others to change their ways or react differently as well? the same thing goes for emotional abuse, is there any way that it will stop without actively working on it? is it still emotional abuse even if it isn't constant?? (for physical abuse I'd say yes, but in this case I don't know). I feel like I am at a place where I am always expected to fix things in the family, be there for everyone, never have any problems myself, and if say someone is having a bad day it's "normal" that I get yelled at for that or have to sacrifice my day/time/plans in order to take care of that. totally reversed roles. It is very difficult to deal w/ things in the right way if everyone's lives are so enmeshed w/ each others and I wonder if there is any way this will ever stop... family counseling isn't really an option. and as much as I try to live my own life and have them live their lives it always comes down to the same problems....

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
enmeshed families

You can make the choice to step out of the role of family fixer. You can make the choice not to allow yourself to become engaged in the dances within the family.

That won't necessarily change the behavior of anyone else within the family but it can certainly change how those other behaviors impact on you.

Change yourself, how you think about and react to everyone else, and you'll change the family dynamics, at least for you. What the others do you have little control over.
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