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"When we finally know we are dying, and all other beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings."
~ Sogyal Rinpoche
~ Sogyal Rinpoche
You're Never Going to Have a Legacy, so Give up Trying
If you know that what you're experiencing now is more important than how you'll be remembered when you're gone, then you can adjust your career to pursue the activities you find personally fulfilling. It's a far better way to live than dreaming of the perfect CV for your gravestone.
Even in the face of impending mortality, some acts have worth: Great love, acts of kindness, exciting experiences, and personal sacrifices for the wellbeing of others contain the best of human existence. They hold intrinsic value, regardless of whether they are remembered.
If you know that what you're experiencing now is more important than how you'll be remembered when you're gone, then you can adjust your career to pursue the activities you find personally fulfilling. It's a far better way to live than dreaming of the perfect CV for your gravestone.
Even in the face of impending mortality, some acts have worth: Great love, acts of kindness, exciting experiences, and personal sacrifices for the wellbeing of others contain the best of human existence. They hold intrinsic value, regardless of whether they are remembered.
“Many existential thinkers hypothesize that the fear of death is greater in people who do not live up to their potential than in those who fulfill themselves (Yalom, 1980). This thesis leads to the conclusion that therapeutic interventions which free patients from their repressions, so that they will be better able to actualize themselves, will also reduce their fears about dying.”
― Robert W. Firestone, The Fantasy Bond: Structure of Psychological Defenses
― Robert W. Firestone, The Fantasy Bond: Structure of Psychological Defenses
“The main fact of life for me is love or its absence. Whether life is worth living depends for me on whether there is love in life. Without a sense of it, or even the memory…of it, I think I would lose heart completely.”
"In our opinion, love is the one force that is capable of easing existential despair and the endemic pain of the human condition."
― Robert W. Firestone, Fear of Intimacy
"In our opinion, love is the one force that is capable of easing existential despair and the endemic pain of the human condition."
― Robert W. Firestone, Fear of Intimacy
How to Find Meaning in the Face of Death - The Atlantic
The time between diagnosis and death, Breitbart has found, presents an opportunity for “extraordinary growth.” One woman, for example, was initially devastated by her diagnosis of colon cancer—but after enrolling in the therapy program, she realized, “I didn’t have to work so hard to find the meaning of life. It was being handed to me everywhere I looked.” And that realization ultimately brought her—and Breitbart’s other patients—some measure of peace and consolation as they faced life’s final challenge.
The time between diagnosis and death, Breitbart has found, presents an opportunity for “extraordinary growth.” One woman, for example, was initially devastated by her diagnosis of colon cancer—but after enrolling in the therapy program, she realized, “I didn’t have to work so hard to find the meaning of life. It was being handed to me everywhere I looked.” And that realization ultimately brought her—and Breitbart’s other patients—some measure of peace and consolation as they faced life’s final challenge.
"It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we're alive - to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are."
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-purpose/201811/can-life-have-meaning-in-random-universe
We might doubt whether our own existence matters. But others will continue to exist, and others after them. We all have the opportunity to affect others while we are alive, and how we do so will continue to matter to those others long after we are gone. As many people have discovered, when you live your life with commitment to others, a lot of really good things happen to you. Your own life becomes much more satisfying, enriched, and meaningful. There are few ways to feel that your own life matters more than being committed to other people. And people will generally reciprocate your caring and devotion.
We might doubt whether our own existence matters. But others will continue to exist, and others after them. We all have the opportunity to affect others while we are alive, and how we do so will continue to matter to those others long after we are gone. As many people have discovered, when you live your life with commitment to others, a lot of really good things happen to you. Your own life becomes much more satisfying, enriched, and meaningful. There are few ways to feel that your own life matters more than being committed to other people. And people will generally reciprocate your caring and devotion.
Death Anxiety
Robert Firestone, PhD
When their death anxiety is aroused, people tend to become increasingly defensive in ways that are harmful to themselves and often to others as well. Even though they may initially respond positively by embracing life more fully, over time, most people usually retreat to a more defended posture. As they deny death to protect themselves, they lose perspective, giving importance to insignificant issues in their lives while failing to value other relevant and meaningful influences. Many people tend to live life as though they will never die and can afford to squander their most valuable experiences...
As people expand their awareness of aloneness and existential issues of life and death, contemplate the essential dilemma and mystery of existence, and face their emotional pain, they generally develop a deeper and more abiding respect for other people’s feelings and well-being, as well as their own. These sentiments are translated into acts of kindness, sensitivity, and compassion toward other people who cross their path. When we challenge our defensive reactions to death anxiety, we are better able to confront death with equanimity, feel more aware, live in the present, and experience both the joy and pain of existence without resorting to fantasy and illusion. In becoming more open and vulnerable, we are able to more fully embrace love and the spirit of life.
Robert Firestone, PhD
When their death anxiety is aroused, people tend to become increasingly defensive in ways that are harmful to themselves and often to others as well. Even though they may initially respond positively by embracing life more fully, over time, most people usually retreat to a more defended posture. As they deny death to protect themselves, they lose perspective, giving importance to insignificant issues in their lives while failing to value other relevant and meaningful influences. Many people tend to live life as though they will never die and can afford to squander their most valuable experiences...
As people expand their awareness of aloneness and existential issues of life and death, contemplate the essential dilemma and mystery of existence, and face their emotional pain, they generally develop a deeper and more abiding respect for other people’s feelings and well-being, as well as their own. These sentiments are translated into acts of kindness, sensitivity, and compassion toward other people who cross their path. When we challenge our defensive reactions to death anxiety, we are better able to confront death with equanimity, feel more aware, live in the present, and experience both the joy and pain of existence without resorting to fantasy and illusion. In becoming more open and vulnerable, we are able to more fully embrace love and the spirit of life.
“As long as man is an ambiguous creature, he can never banish anxiety; what he can do instead is to use anxiety as an eternal spring for growth into new dimensions of thought and trust.”
~ Ernest Becker
~ Ernest Becker
Relationship between meaning in life and death anxiety in the elderly: self-esteem as a mediator
Results show that the dimensions of meaning in life, presence of meaning, search for meaning, and self-esteem were each negatively correlated with death anxiety...Path analysis indicated that self-esteem either completely or partially mediated the effects of meaning in life on death anxiety in older adults.
Results show that the dimensions of meaning in life, presence of meaning, search for meaning, and self-esteem were each negatively correlated with death anxiety...Path analysis indicated that self-esteem either completely or partially mediated the effects of meaning in life on death anxiety in older adults.
On the extreme side:
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Meaning management is more than cognitive reframing or rationalization. It actually requires a fundamental shift to from pleasure-seeking to the meaning mindset (Wong, 2012b
), from self-centeredness to self-transcendence (Wong, 2016). Meaning therapy (Wong, 2010, 2012c ) equips people to squeeze out meaning and hope from even the darkest moments of life.
Fostering Existential Maturity to Manage Terror in a Pandemic
Existential maturity can be thought of as a state, stage, process, or ability in which death anxiety is coped with well. We think of it as a capacity in which people can appreciate our mortal condition without being overwhelmed by fear and loss. They can take in the goodness of life in a way that strengthens us even in severely disabled conditions.18,19 It is a fluid state rather than linear or static in that no one seems to simply “arrive and stay there,” but rather people oscillate within a range-of-feeling states.20 However, it is a reliable and recognizable state in that it allows a person to face mortality and do the work of dying and/or grieving without spinning out into panic attacks, traumatizing terror, or depression...that interferes with subjective and intersubjective life.21 Perhaps people can arrive at a stage in life when the state of existential maturity is a reliably present capacity.22 Perhaps it can occur as part of progressive development as in Erikson's life stages.23 Or perhaps it can be part of a personality trait or developed by exposure, even perhaps as part of post-traumatic growth, or in relationship. We believe all these routes occur for young and old alike and that existential maturity can be found described in many literary and artistic, psychological, and spiritual works, and in everyday observations.
Animals wrestle with the concept of death and mortality | Aeon Essays
Having a concept of death, far from being a uniquely human feat, is a fairly common trait in the animal kingdom
aeon.co
We humans like to think of ourselves as a unique species. However, little by little, all those traits that we have been relying on to ground this uniqueness have been falling, as the science advances and reveals the staggering diversity and complexity of animal minds and behaviour. We now have solid evidence of culture, morality, rationality, and even rudimentary forms of linguistic communication. The concept of death should also be counted among those characteristics to which we can no longer resort to convince us of how very special we are. It is time to rethink human exceptionalism, and the disrespect for the natural world that comes with it.
Find What You Love and Let It Kill You
"We're all going to die, all of us. What a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing."
markmanson.net
“We’re all going to die, all of us. What a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities; we are eaten up by nothing.”
~ Charles Bukowski
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Good advice in general:
"Now might be the time to do some things you’ve always wanted to do and to stop doing things you no longer want to do."
~ American Cancer Society
"Now might be the time to do some things you’ve always wanted to do and to stop doing things you no longer want to do."
~ American Cancer Society
Why We Fear Death and How to Overcome It
Does the reminder that you'll die someday make you anxious? You might be surprised by some of the factors that influence our attitudes toward death.
www.psychologytoday.com
Attachment styles refer to ways we think about and behave in close relationships. These are shaped early in life so by the time we’re adults, we’re usually pretty settled into ours. Securely attached people tend to be confiding, dependable, and supportive partners. Insecurely attached people can be overly anxious and controlling, or distant and standoffish, or a mix of both.
When it comes to how they feel about death, people with secure attachment styles fear death less than people with insecure attachment styles. This is interesting because it shows that there’s a relationship and intimacy aspect to the way we think about death.
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