Feel like I can't really trust anyone

[HotthenCold]

Hi there,

I have some major concerns regarding paranoia and self image. I often teel like people pick me out of a crowd and can tell that I'm uneasy, or that there's just something "off" about me, or that I have low self confidence and am an easy target. Also, Often I find myself suspicious that my friends are having a laugh about something they think they know about me behind my back. I find this situation very stressful because there is never enough evidence to confront them, but I keep getting subtle hints dropped in the form of jabs directed at me in subtle ways.

I know that conventional wisdom states that I'm just conning me self into believing this, and I would rest on this conclusion if I didn't keep getting hte same vibe from people. I consider my self to be very perceptive of situations, and very intuitive, and I believe I am right in my suspicions.

I use marijuana which i know has the effect of increasing paranoia, but it's not just that.

I always feel paranoid that people don't like me, think I'm dumb, blah blah blah, and I'm aware of self fulfilling prophecies, but it's not just that (though it plays a role to some extent). How can I quit caring what people think, or how can I stop feeling so crazy all the time? it's impossible to let go of my anger and work on building confidence when I feel I'm being constantly put down by others.

I know I say "I" a lot so thank you for bothering to read this far.

Any input is always greatly appreciated.

 

[poohbear]

Re: feel like I can't really trust anyone

On January 3rd I read and replied to a post about "letting go", something about controlling things-- or the lack thereof. I think your post has a lot in common with that post. You think that sometimes your friends or aquaintances are saying nasty things about you. I have to say that I feel the same way, too, sometimes. And that post helped me see that I need to focus more on what I CAN change, as opposed to what I can't.

We can't change how people treat us. We can't change the way people choose how to handle their problems. We can't change people's feelings. What we CAN change is how we respond to people-- in all types of situations. When we feel people are talking about us, we can choose to ignore it. We can jump right into the conversation and put our best foot (feet) forward and show how wrong the gossiper is. We can quietly defy them by example. We can say kind words and refuse to participate in hurtful conversations. We can lead by exapmle, and not gossip about our friends. Eventually, people will see us for who we are, and not who someone ELSE thinks we are.

I just started a new job. I transferred within my hospital to a permanent position. I have always had problems getting along with people because of exactly those same reasons you mentioned. I love my job (I have been here for four years, just not on this unit). I love caring for people. I get easily irritated with people who are exceptionally judgemental and calous-- we have enough of that in the world. I don't like people that are only "in it for themselves" and somehow see the "I" in "T-E-A-M".

I prefer to remain courteous and to try to temper my temper. I try to be patient and reasonable and keep an emotional distance from most co-workers (and patients). I try to always do what is expected of me, and then some, and to help when I am asked to. I rarely refuse a job (or an aspect thereof) just because it isn't in my "job description". I also try to not let things bother me at work: the work load (tremendous, sometimes), the pace (hectic), the patients (demanding), the environment (stressful), or the fact that I never seem to have enough time!

But this time around, I am determined that this is MY place. This is MY job. This is MY life. I will allow NO ONE to "break my stride". Already I have met (and decided I don't like) a fellow emplyee who constantly has a negative attitude, is disrespectful and rude. I hate working with her. BUT, I have made the effort to be pleasant and helpful when needed. I refuse to get personal with her. I won't sit and talk with her at length. I remain professional and courteous. I know that in the end, when it comes down to who is better, it will be the one who displays the most patience for her fellow man. (or woman, whatever the case may be...) :dimples:

 

[braveheart]

Were you ever bullied?

I know I my severe social anxiety, which borders on paranoia, is a result of years of persecution by my peers.

 

[ladylore]

Definitely not a bother to read your post Hotthencold.

I have dealt with alot of what your feeling myself. What has helped me is that I check things out now a days. When I do I have found out more times then not that that wasn't what was going on at all. Person's having a hard day... Sometimes it's hard to work it into the a conversation subtly to find out the truth of the matter but it can be done.

Also trust your insticts too. After you have addressed it and you feel something may still be going on - maybe it is. Who knows.

Stay gentle with yourself.

 

[HotthenCold]

Thanks for your responses,they all held some interesting ideas. That's definitely true about what you said about just ignoring the negative people and just being yourself, MVP. I guess that's all i can do right now, even if I sometimes don't feel strongenough to realize that they'rey wrong and somewhat pathetic for not being able to leave other's to be in peace.

In response to braveheart's question, yes somewhat. I wasn't the "nerdiest" kid in school, but i did have one older kid who had me terrified for quit a while in elementary school. I would actually leave for school a little later to miss him on the walk, and I was always scared he would see me walking home. Also, my paranoia could be tied to the fact that I wet the bed until a late age and was always fearful someone would find out, and thusly always tried to hide it. I'm pretty sure that is a big reason for a lot of my anxieties nowadays.

 

[braveheart]

Both of those are very likely related.

What might you do to improve your self image?
I know for me, things that have helped are dying my hair, choosing clothes I really like and that suit me... and above all being kind to myself.

 

[longstrangetrip]

Hi Hotthencold,

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in thinking/feeling the way that you do, and that your post was an enormous relief to me because I now know that I'm not alone in feeling exactly (and I mean exactly) like you do.

I don't have really any solutions about how to deal with it other than what has been posted (excellent posts by the way), but I think sometimes our perceptions are distorted thinking entangled in reality. I think that's what makes it so difficult to deal with. Certainly, a lot of what we perceive is not accurate, yet it sometimes stems from cruel and bitter reality. We fear that we are paranoid, or whatever, but I think it's just difficult for us to put ourselves in the vulnerable position of trust when past experiences tell us we must protect ourselves against betrayal, bullying, gossiping etc. It becomes a vicious circle for sure. It's not something that is so easy to overcome. I think it's certainly possible, though.

 

[Futurepower3000]

Your worst enemy here it's your own mind, try to focus your attentions on this (your own ideas and concepts) instead of focusing on the "others"...
If you find peace this way, you will be peaceful regardless of the outside world.