I feel really confused about the way I'm feeling

[Eunoia]

I'm really confused. First of all, I don't even know where to post this- and decisions in general are an annoyance. I find myself feeling detached from my general surroundings a lot lately and I can barely stay 'in the moment' at times. I really try but my mind just wanders off, but often I'm not even thinking about anything in particular but I'm just starring off into space. Why is that and what can I do to stop being so detached? Also, I find that my memory is really bad lately as well, w/ anything really. I will write an email and 5min later I won't remember whether I wrote it or if I did whether I send it or not... or I will have a conversation with someone and have no idea what they just said or what I even said... it feels so weird. Like I consciously have to make an effort to stay in the present, focusing on every single word and make an effort to remember things, but I'm just asking b/c this isn't usual for me at all... I dont' think it's a lack of sleep really, maybe, I don't know. Also, I feel like I go from good to bad to good to bad every day like 10 times. One moment everything will be fine, then everything will be horrible, I will actually think 'okay, things aren't so bad' only to think a little later 'okay, things are really bad'. Am I trying to push away my feelings maybe? Trying to pretend like they're not there, hence the back and forth and detaching from things?? :?? It's been really difficult dealing w/ all of this, I don't understand why it's even happening.? :dontknow:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I would say one or all of:

• lack of sleep
• too many things on the go
• worrying more than you should about other people and not as much as you should about you for too long and finding it's finally catching up with you
• things (feelings, thoughts, fears) you've been trying to push down bubbling up into consciousness
• anticipation and worrying about what will happen as you explore ceryain issues in therapy - you expect change is coming but what will it all be like after the change?
• probably a few other things I haven't thought of yet

 

[healthbound]

Hey Eunoia,

I'm not sure about what's happening in your life right now, but I can definitely identify with having a difficult time staying in the moment.

Sometimes I'll realize how I've been really disconnected and then I'll try to "ground" myself only to realize that I'm continually struggling to do so. What usually ends up happening for me is I eventually remember that I have a major decision to make or that there is some uncomfortable action I need to take. It's always a bit bizarre though because at the time that I'm feeling disconnected, I can't seem to access anything in my brain that can tell me why I might be so disconnected.

HAhaha...I don't even know if anything I just said even makes any sense! The point is that I find when I'm disconnected, it's usually because I'm going through something challenging or that I'm anticipating going through something challenging.

Other times I'm just coming down with a cold. :|

 

[Eunoia]

I don't know, I've been thinking a lot lately and even though I almost feel like I was worse in some ways in the past, I think it feels worse now, looking back at all of those years, still dealing w/ the same and additional things now, and quite frankly, seeing these things still being a part of tomorrow, and the day after, and all the days after then, hoping that maybe one day it won't be like this. I accepted the things I was doing as a matter of fact in the past b/c that's all that I knew, where as now I think it's so much more painful b/c I know that's not all that is out there and yet I feel so far away from getting away from any of this. I really want to, I mean I'm scared and so I don't want to, but if I knew how I would let go of a lot of these things, and if I could 'fix' everyone around me I would- but I dont' know how. It seems like I can't even begin to 'fix me' if everyone around me is also broken... I am the last person to admit that I am not happy b/c I know how wonderful life can be, how much fun it is and how amazing and beautiful life is... but I can't keep on telling myself 'everything happens for a reason' and 'it'll be okay sooner or later'- that's like telling someone who has a broken back 'it'll heal within time, but I can't give you any meds- and just so you know, it happened for a reason so you could take something away from this moment'. How am I supposed to keep on holding on to something, some idea of happiness, if looking back that's all I can see and I am fighting to get out of this now and I'm losing. it's like you're in quick sand- it's not working. True, I have learned a lot and grown as a person b/c of all of this, but there's only so much a person can take, only so much 'good' that can be taken from only so much 'bad'. I don't have that support from my family b/c they have their own probs and don't know, I don't have that support from my friends b/c they don't know, I have all these things I have to accomplish, all these things I want to do and I feel like I don't have 'time' for these problems, but I can't fight them. I can't, can't fight them anymore.? I really don't have the energy anymore, to keep on 'discovering' more harshful realities every day, going through more pain each day, looking for an end and finding only more pain.

 

[ThatLady]

Sounds to me like you're under a lot of stress, hon. I don't know what's up in your life right now, but you sound like you're trying to carry a bigger load than you can muster the energy to carry.

One thing that I've found can help when I'm feeling overburdened is to set aside some time, each day, that is mine and mine alone. It can be 30 minutes, or an hour...whatever I feel I need. During this time which, for me, is often spent in a hot bubble bath, I try to think out those things that are troubling me. I divide them into groups...those I can do something about, and those I can't. Those I can't do anything about I put aside. I then give my time to those things I think I can change with some effort and set about making plans to tackle one of them...not all, just one.

Once I've done this, I find I am better able to relax. I now have only one "major issue" to deal with. I'll tackle the other things I feel I can change when I get this one conquered. It takes some practice, but it works for me.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I really, really wish you would consider therapy and medication. I know medication helped me a lot at one time. And you do have a lot on you with no support. That is hard. Why not at least try talking to one friend about one thing that is bothering you? True friends will be there.

 

[healthbound]

Hey Eunoia, I tend to feel overwhelmed a lot too.

I can identify with little-or-no parental support and I've been isolating for the last year, which has made it almost impossible for anyone to support me. I've been taking "baby steps" to connect with people more so I do have some support when needed.

I've found this site to be super helpful, drawing and writing works well and knowing that other people with similar diagnosis and situations live happy lives (ie: there IS life after anxiety, depression and loss!).

And while you might feel like you can't take it anymore -- you are totally handling it. You are handling your school, you parents, your friends and your life. You might want to make a few changes (to provide yourself with some more support), but you will handle that too.

You have lots of friends and support here, Eunoia. You've been supportive to me through some tough times - and around here, it seems like --- what goes around, comes around :hello:

Take care.
PS --- thearpy and meds do tend to help :dontknow: