Feeling blue

[Into The Light]

it's been coming and going the last few weeks, feeling tired, irritable, and the last few days sad or down. i have moments where i think i'll be fine, and then my moments, like now, where i get scared. what if i am going to spend the rest of my life having to fight off depression? it frightens me because it has had such a huge negative impact on my life and those closest to me. i don't want to put my husband through this, i don't want my children to suffer because i'm too wrapped up in myself to give them the attention they need. i want to be carefree and happy and be a fun-loving wife and mom. not someone who's stressed out for no good reason. it's so unfair to them. i am upset with all this. i don't want to go down that road again. why is it so hard to just work at it, to do what i need to do to stay healthy? why do i see pictures of myself as a child and feel sad for that little girl? why am i feeling pain again for no good reason? i am tired of this, tired of feeling lonely, tired of feeling so much. i am tired of being unhappy.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

What has been happening in your life recently, LB?

How have you been sleeping? Have there been any unusual stressors or worries? How are you coping with the winter? What else is going on in your life these days?

 

[texasgirl]

LB,

I am so sorry that you are feeling bad and hear your frustration and fear around what seems to be an ongoing struggle. I can certainly relate. Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint the "why" - it feels like sometimes it's cumulative rather than specific. I hope that you are just experiencing a temporary "downturn" and that you feel better very soon.

TG

 

[sister-ray]

sorry to hear your feeling like this, i can relate with the way im feeling at the moment, wish there was something I do to help:hug: :hug:

 

[Halo]

LB,

I too am sorry to hear that you are not feeling very well these days but I think that David has asked some really good questions. One other that I thought of was when is your next f/u with your therapist suppose to be? If it is not soon enough, do you think that you could get it sooner to talk about what is going on? Just a thought?

Take care LB
:hug: :hug:

 

[Into The Light]

sleep: i have stopped taking my sleeping medication about a month ago now, i don't need it anymore. by evening i am so tired i fall asleep in no time. i have had some nights of waking up briefly but that's not a regular occurrence. i do wake up feeling tired.

nothing unusual in the stress department. i had to work some extra hours recently and that seemed to affect me. i'm done with that now though, it was only for a week. my husband has been having to go away for business again which is a factor as well. the thing is these things aren't overly stressful things and it seems to me that any kind of stress doesn't do me any good. but i can't lead a stress-free life, that's impossible.

winter's been keeping me inside so i'm not getting much fresh air. winter's not really bothering me too much but i know spring will lift my spirits. spring and summer have always made a big difference.

nothing else is really happening. just having these ups and downs and not liking the feel of the downs.

my follow up appointment is in a few weeks so it's not too far away. i was down again this morning but managed to turn that around so i feel fine at the moment.

 

[Halo]

Ladybug,

It could be the combination of it being Winter, lack of sunshine, husband being gone away more and having to work extra hours at one point and not completely sleeping through the night and waking up tired that have all added up and now it is just the after effects that are bringing you down now (if that makes sense).

I am glad that your f/u appt. is only a few weeks away and with the support of this forum and your friends you can hang on until then.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[Daniel E.]

And I know this sounds crazy but lack of quality entertainment can be a minor but contribuing factor, e.g. there's a reason they show comedy movies in psych wards.

 

[Cavi]

I'm sorry your struggling LB, its not easy thats for sure......rimh

 

[just mary]

Hi LB,

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way, I think I can relate. I was glad to read that you were feeling better/fine this afternoon and I hope you can hold onto it for awhile.

Take care, :hug:

jm

 

[Into The Light]

i decided to go out for my daily exercise yesterday afternoon to take advantage of the sun, and despite the -27 windchill it wasn't bad (i was bundled up, and the jogging kept me warm). the sun and fresh air helped. today it was sunny but icy cold out too, and i didn't go out, although i should have. i'll try again tomorrow. i should take advantage of the sunlight when it's out there.

i felt badly again this morning and got pretty upset, but today i was able to remember that these feelings are just out of the ordinary, that it's just depression creeping in and that my thoughts are not all rational. i did a mood log and that helped quite a bit. i am actually quite glad i was able to remind myself of all this and that i didn't resist doing a mood log for a change.

one thing i am having difficulty with is socializing. i just have no interest, i can't be bothered, and would much rather just be on my own. i think this is where i tend to get into trouble. i don't interact all that much with people, even though i know i usually end up quite enjoying it. this isn't anything new, but is something that i find very hard to force myself to do.

anyway i am hoping for more sun tomorrow, and maybe a little warmer temperatures

 

[Into The Light]

just an update, i went to see my gp for a scheduled checkup and let him know about how i have been feeling. he increased my dosage for my medication and the last 2 days i've been feeling much better. in fact i feel just right can i just say i am relieved?

i wonder if maybe i should have worked harder at it rather than increasing medication.. but it's just so hard when 95% of you resists. if a change in dose worked this well so quickly, would it have helped much anyway to have worked harder at all those other things (spending time with people, relaxation, etc)? i was just pretty much only focusing on exercise and that wasn't helping as much as i hoped.

 

[Halo]

Ladybug,

I am so happy that the increase in the medication has made a difference and that you are feeling as you put it "just right". That is very encouraging to hear and kudos to you for speaking to your gp about how you were feeling.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[Cat Dancer]

That's great! :hug: :hug: