Feeling Lost

[rjren]

I'm not even sure "lost" is the correct word. I feel, not myself, not how I should feel at this point in my life. It's only been recently that I've been hearing "things". It's not a steady stream of input but I'll occasionally hear a voice, a few odd sounds that have no place in the current setting, and television programs where there is no television in the area. I guess at first you write it off as your mind playing tricks or being stressed or overworked... but it's persistent. I'm on a dosage of 20mg lexapro and 450mg wellbutrin and have been for about a year now. They seemed great at first but now they seem like they have no beneficial or negative effects.

More recently while browsing Youtube for patient experience with the current set of medications I came across schizophrenia. At first I kind of brushed it off as nothing but the more I'm educating myself on the subject the more I find that it's perhaps the only thing that can accurately describe the last ten years of my life. Even more so with the "did I just hear that?" moments. My grades in late high school declined, I moved onto college and left after the second year, I withdrew from social outings and even pushed friends away and cut them off. I can't remember the last time I was out with someone that wasn't my family. I've taken solace in the comfort of solitude and that's the way it's been for the last five or six years.

Now, I'm beginning to feel a disconnect between reality and the flip side. It seems worse at night when I'm all alone and it's extremely quiet. I'll find myself standing in a room and just spacing out, chasing shadows, following the lines of the room and it's off putting.

I don't know where to go from here. I have an appointment with my GP in three weeks. I'm not entirely sure how to broach the subject. I'm not sure if I should. I'm just looking for some input, maybe a response from someone who remembers being in that initial position, anything really...

 

[forgetmenot]

Please hun do not try to diagnose yourself ok
You do need to definitely talk to your doctor write down on paper what has been happening to you

Ask for a referal to see a psychiatrist ok
Get a professional that deals with mental health to assess you
, There are many reasons why sometimes we hear things that is why it is important to talk to someone before assuming you have an illness you many not have.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Could you print your post out and take it to your doctor? I think it is a good description of what you are going through.

 

[rjren]

Thank you all. It's been about a week since I visited my family doctor and after communicating how I felt and my "symptoms" we started me on 1mg of Risperidone before bed for, as he said, my inability to sleep and I've got an hour long appointment with the psychiatrist who does a twice monthly rotation at the office in a week. It'll be my first time seeing someone in that field and I guess, given my "problems" he thinks there is something at the root but is doing the correct thing and passing me off to someone more qualified to nail it down. The risperidone seems to be doing something -- even if it does at times make me dizzy. Thanks again.

 

[forgetmenot]

Good for you hun i hope your appointment with the psychiatrist gives you some answers and gives you the help you need to start feeling more connected again hugs

 

[rjren]

The kind words are very much appreciated. Having never seen a medical professional in such capacity, I've searched around various sites, is there anything I should know before hand? aside from having the requisite list of how I feel and any questions I may have? It's an hour long appointment so I assume the doctor will have a great many questions that may seem rather innocuous and rather inane to me but significant to him and his evaluation but I obviously don't want to admit or say the wrong thing and end up on a three day hold because I was being honest or even worse, in hot water because of something I may have done in the past.

 

[forgetmenot]

The first meeting will be your doctor getting some history on you and your family medical history mental health history. Don't worry you won't be judged by you doctor.
It will be more an information gathering session

 

[Retired]

Rjren,

You may find the attached tip sheet helpful in getting ready for your appointment.

 

[rjren]

Back from the appointment, I feel that it could have gone better than it did. He seemed more interested in what I thought of my responses more so than anything else. It kind of felt like I was having to solve my own problems with little to no direction or help from him. Either way, between him and my family doctor they suggested 2mg of Abilify daily and the words "psychosis" and "early onset schizophrenia" came up, but never in an official capacity -- not that I expected a diagnosis after a one hour appointment. I'm scheduled to go back to my family MD at the end of the month so hopefully these new meds do something, something other than make me dizzy. All the input thus far has been greatly appreciated.

 

[forgetmenot]

Abilify heard good things about that medication and i do hope you will notice a difference soon hun. I also hope you have a followup appt with the psychiatrist as well Let us know you the med works out ok hugs

 

[rjren]

Hi and thank you. I was actually accepted into an early intervention program based here in the city, mentioned in a blurb here on this site, and I have a two hour appointment tomorrow. So hopefully they'll be able to provide some guidance and assistance in what I may see in the coming months and/or years.

 

[forgetmenot]

Early pyschosis intervention team that is good you have been assigned with them hun. The will watch your symptoms closely and relay all information to your pdoc
Good for you hun advocating help for yourself you made some really good choices hugs