Freaking out

[poss]

I have a question regarding what I disclosed in therapy today. I suffer from depression and anxiety, self harm, an eating disorder etc. I've been seeing my current therapist for just over a year, I don't have to pay, it's under the health system.

Sometimes I drink before therapy to help me relax and talk and I think today maybe I had drunk too much and went too far with my honesty. My therapist knows that I self-harm but today I said that I sometimes feel suicidal, about what method I would use to kill myself if I did, about how I have surreal moments when I'm in a rage and I slash my arms and am out of control and how I looked at knives in the supermaket once considering which would be best to hurt or kill myself. All of this is true. My therapist said she was worried about me and asked if she could call my husband to ask him to stay home with me, I said no. I said I'd be okay and that I feel like a burden to my husband. So I left and I cried and I self-harmed alot.

Now I just feel like an idiot. I feel like my therapist will think I'm exaggerating or making stuff up and I wasn't. I feel I shouldn't have been that honest. I'm scared what she might do with what I told her. She has supervision and I know she will tell her supervisor what I told her. My question is, should I have kept some of that stuff to myself incase she doesn't want to work with me anymore because I seem like a risk? I'm scared of telling her stuff and losing control over who knows what about me, but at the same time I desperately need help.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The therapist's responsibility is not to act rashly but to do what is necessary and in your best interests to help you. Your therapist already was aware of your self-injury. My guess is that she probably wasn't terribly surprised to hear that you also think about suicide at times.

I think you need to continue to be honest with your therapist about how you feel and about self-injury and suicidal thoughts. If not, she is limited in her ability to help you. At this point, you've reassured her that you are feeling safe. If it ever got to the point where you didn't feel safe, it would be important for her to know that as well so she could protect you.

If every therapy client who ever had a suicidal thought were hospitalized, there wouldn't be room in the hospitals for all of them. The key for any therapist is to judge actual risk of carrying through on those thoughts.

The fact that you feel a need to drink before your therapy sessions is an other issue that you need to be honest about and that you need to address with your therapist.

 

[ladylore]

Hi Poss,

Wanted to say hi and welcome again to Psychlinks. :hello:

 

[Meg]

Hi Poss,

I just wanted to 'second' what everyone has said so far.

The only thing that your therapist is supposed to do with the information you have given her is to use it in order to help you, and you have said you know you need help desperately. Being honest with your therapist, even if it's frightening, is a good thing to do for yourself in the long run in order to get that help. I discovered that myself, once upon a time! Finally being up-front with my therapist about how bad things were getting was a big turning point in my recovery... I hope it will be for you, too

Good luck, Poss, and welcome to psychlinks!

Meg

 

[Into The Light]

just wanted to say welcome :wave4: and i hope you feel a bit better about things.

 

[poss]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you David for your reply. It is reassuring to know that nothing major is going to happen because of what I told my therapist.

And thank you to everyone else for their replies and welcome messages. I think you're right Meg about the more honest I am, the more my therapist can help me.

Thanks alot,

Poss