David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
From one slacker mom to another: Lower your standards and take shortcuts
by Sydney Loney, Globe and Mail
Sunday, May. 02, 2010
How Lisa Quinn, a recovering Marthaholic and author of Life?s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets, learned to stop worrying and love a messy home
For 10 years, Lisa Quinn channelled Martha Stewart and peddled perfection as an author, columnist and host of her own home and garden show in the San Francisco Bay area. But it was all a sham.
While she was busy touring other people?s homes and extolling the virtues of an alphabetized pantry and DIY lampshades, her own house was a domestic disaster zone in which she waged a daily war against discarded clothing and Lego-littered floors.
One day, to the relief of her husband and two children, she rebelled. Ms. Quinn abandoned her Type-A traits and became a recovering Marthaholic. Now, she?s hoping to save other stressed-out, over-achieving moms with her new book Life?s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets, a collection of domestic shortcuts, cheats and compromises.
You describe yourself as a ?Martha Stewart junkie.? When did you first realize you had a problem?
We ? okay, I ? used to throw elaborate parties for over 100 people. My husband would hide and my kids would inevitably be in tears before the day arrived but, oh yes, it was going to be perfect. One day, five minutes before the guests showed up, I noticed a smudge on my bathroom mirror. It kept bugging me, so I crawled up in my heels to wipe it off, slipped and broke my big toe. And that was it. I thought, ?Oh my god, I?m insane.?
What was the first step in your recovery?
I started by scaling down to small, intimate dinner parties and I would intentionally leave the bed unmade, just to see if I could do it. It was really uncomfortable at first. Really uncomfortable. I was one of those people who?d karate chop all the pillows and yell at the kids to get off the sofa.
You write that ?housework blows.? How do you do less of it?
I really did change my whole outlook about my house. I enjoy it now ? it?s not a showpiece or an irritant any more. I used to walk into a room and there?d be pillows everywhere and knickknacks moved around and I would spend all day just putting stuff back. So what I did was, I got rid of the stuff. I also have really practical furniture now. I have a big brown leather sofa. Dark brown leather is the key to happiness. You can jump on it, pillow fight on it, the dog can sleep on it ? it?s just like a Valium.
How has your new approach affected your relationship with your family?
I really resented my family, but I was holding them to a standard that I couldn?t even meet. My husband helped, but in the way a guy helps. It?s ?clean enough,? you know? And for me, that was a real problem. But now, I kind of get it. I don?t want anything to be filthy, or sticky, but clean enough. And it?s made me a better mom just because I?ve chilled out. I was really uptight. There were so many rules before that they just didn?t [follow] any of them. Now that there are a lot fewer, it?s more manageable for the whole family. And my husband has made it clear that it?s a good thing.
Do you ever fall off the wagon and find yourself slipping back into Martha mode?
I still fight it. I still fall into the trap of trying to be everywhere for everybody ? that ?never fail, ever ready, don?t want to let anybody down? mom type. And I still get manic if guests are arriving in an hour and there?s stuff everywhere. But now I try to keep it to myself. And I try to work through it.
But you spent years cultivating a persona of perfection on the home decor front.
I was telling everybody about the hot trends and what you had to have and what you couldn?t have, but I wasn?t doing it at home. My house would be a total disaster and there?d be Happy Meals on the table. I didn?t have time to do any of the stuff I was talking about at work and realized I was a huge fraud ? I was just perpetuating the myth of the supermom. Now, I?m more of a consumer advocate. I went from ?this is the perfect way to fold a fitted sheet? to ?who wants to do this anyway? There?s wrinkle-free cotton, they sell it at Bed Bath & Beyond, go out and get it.?
Why are so many women still struggling to be supermoms?
I take it out on Martha because I figure she can handle it. But a lot of women think they have to be that way. There?s the whole idea that you have to blow people away for them to like you. It?s our culture now. Reality shows like Project Runway have spawned this whole thing of having 10 people trying to make it and be creative and three people saying ?Ugh, it?s horrible.? There?s judgment everywhere ? there?s no more personal best. Remember the whole phrase ?just do your best?? Now, it?s that there is a best, but you?re not there.
How have other women responded to your book?
Some women are horrified. They take this stuff very seriously. But I don?t want it to be taken as me giving people licence to become total slobs ? the book was intended for perfectionists. I try not to sound judgmental because some people like being Type A and that?s great. But other women just think they?re supposed to be that way and that they?ll be judged if everything?s not perfect. And I?m saying to those women, don?t be distracted by all this domesticity.
Eight steps to domestic liberation
by Sydney Loney, Globe and Mail
Sunday, May. 02, 2010
How Lisa Quinn, a recovering Marthaholic and author of Life?s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets, learned to stop worrying and love a messy home
For 10 years, Lisa Quinn channelled Martha Stewart and peddled perfection as an author, columnist and host of her own home and garden show in the San Francisco Bay area. But it was all a sham.
While she was busy touring other people?s homes and extolling the virtues of an alphabetized pantry and DIY lampshades, her own house was a domestic disaster zone in which she waged a daily war against discarded clothing and Lego-littered floors.
One day, to the relief of her husband and two children, she rebelled. Ms. Quinn abandoned her Type-A traits and became a recovering Marthaholic. Now, she?s hoping to save other stressed-out, over-achieving moms with her new book Life?s Too Short to Fold Fitted Sheets, a collection of domestic shortcuts, cheats and compromises.
You describe yourself as a ?Martha Stewart junkie.? When did you first realize you had a problem?
We ? okay, I ? used to throw elaborate parties for over 100 people. My husband would hide and my kids would inevitably be in tears before the day arrived but, oh yes, it was going to be perfect. One day, five minutes before the guests showed up, I noticed a smudge on my bathroom mirror. It kept bugging me, so I crawled up in my heels to wipe it off, slipped and broke my big toe. And that was it. I thought, ?Oh my god, I?m insane.?
What was the first step in your recovery?
I started by scaling down to small, intimate dinner parties and I would intentionally leave the bed unmade, just to see if I could do it. It was really uncomfortable at first. Really uncomfortable. I was one of those people who?d karate chop all the pillows and yell at the kids to get off the sofa.
You write that ?housework blows.? How do you do less of it?
I really did change my whole outlook about my house. I enjoy it now ? it?s not a showpiece or an irritant any more. I used to walk into a room and there?d be pillows everywhere and knickknacks moved around and I would spend all day just putting stuff back. So what I did was, I got rid of the stuff. I also have really practical furniture now. I have a big brown leather sofa. Dark brown leather is the key to happiness. You can jump on it, pillow fight on it, the dog can sleep on it ? it?s just like a Valium.
How has your new approach affected your relationship with your family?
I really resented my family, but I was holding them to a standard that I couldn?t even meet. My husband helped, but in the way a guy helps. It?s ?clean enough,? you know? And for me, that was a real problem. But now, I kind of get it. I don?t want anything to be filthy, or sticky, but clean enough. And it?s made me a better mom just because I?ve chilled out. I was really uptight. There were so many rules before that they just didn?t [follow] any of them. Now that there are a lot fewer, it?s more manageable for the whole family. And my husband has made it clear that it?s a good thing.
Do you ever fall off the wagon and find yourself slipping back into Martha mode?
I still fight it. I still fall into the trap of trying to be everywhere for everybody ? that ?never fail, ever ready, don?t want to let anybody down? mom type. And I still get manic if guests are arriving in an hour and there?s stuff everywhere. But now I try to keep it to myself. And I try to work through it.
But you spent years cultivating a persona of perfection on the home decor front.
I was telling everybody about the hot trends and what you had to have and what you couldn?t have, but I wasn?t doing it at home. My house would be a total disaster and there?d be Happy Meals on the table. I didn?t have time to do any of the stuff I was talking about at work and realized I was a huge fraud ? I was just perpetuating the myth of the supermom. Now, I?m more of a consumer advocate. I went from ?this is the perfect way to fold a fitted sheet? to ?who wants to do this anyway? There?s wrinkle-free cotton, they sell it at Bed Bath & Beyond, go out and get it.?
Why are so many women still struggling to be supermoms?
I take it out on Martha because I figure she can handle it. But a lot of women think they have to be that way. There?s the whole idea that you have to blow people away for them to like you. It?s our culture now. Reality shows like Project Runway have spawned this whole thing of having 10 people trying to make it and be creative and three people saying ?Ugh, it?s horrible.? There?s judgment everywhere ? there?s no more personal best. Remember the whole phrase ?just do your best?? Now, it?s that there is a best, but you?re not there.
How have other women responded to your book?
Some women are horrified. They take this stuff very seriously. But I don?t want it to be taken as me giving people licence to become total slobs ? the book was intended for perfectionists. I try not to sound judgmental because some people like being Type A and that?s great. But other women just think they?re supposed to be that way and that they?ll be judged if everything?s not perfect. And I?m saying to those women, don?t be distracted by all this domesticity.
Eight steps to domestic liberation
- Low lighting: Don?t turn on the overhead lights unless you?re looking for a contact lens, Lisa Quinn says. Everything looks better in low light.
- Edit: Streamline your ?horizontal surfaces? so there?s less stuff to move when you clean. Besides, too many knickknacks are more shabby than chic.
- Delegate: Make your family help, Ms. Quinn says. ?For me, it was always ?pick up your socks, pick up your socks ? all right, I?ll just pick up the socks.? Don?t reward laziness ? you?re sabotaging yourself and them.?
- Don?t fold fitted sheets: It?s pointless and impossible. ?Just wad them up the best you can and shove them in a closet.?
- Cheap flip-flops: Keep a basket of sandals or slippers by the door to serve as house shoes for you and your guests. ?A shoe-free home is a cleaner, healthier, less-vacuumed home.?
- Stop buying stuff: ?I?ve gone into some people?s homes and they?ve got three food processors. I?m like, ?are you running a catering company out here? What?s the deal?? ?
- A flat iron: It?s ideal for small ironing jobs when there?s no time for the real deal.
- Relax your standards: Ms. Quinn quotes author Shirley Conran: ?A home should be as clean as you can get away with.?
