Frustrated by panic attack

[Murray]

I am so frustrated right now! I hate that I seem to have no control over my body.

Today was a wonderful day- work was great, I was very productive, had lots of very positive interactions with people, it was really really good. By the end of the day, I was feeling very "up", not even too much of my normal self-loathing. So, it would seem to me that I should be doing fine tonight.

Instead of feeling good, I have been feeling awful all night. At first I thought I was getting sick, then I thought maybe I was having a heart attack and dying. Of course, when I thought rationally about it, I could tell myself that it is just a panic attack. I know that all of my symptoms (nausea, shortness of breath, tight strange feeling in my chest, disorientation, shakiness, etc) are due to a panic attack. I just haven't had a panic attack quite like this in a while, especially not completely out of the blue. Lately, they have been much less severe. I just hate this feeling of being so helpless and having no control over myself. I mean even though I know it is just my anxiety, I still can't force my stupid brain to stop worrying and obsessing about this so that I could just calm down. I just keep reminding myself that it is nothing serious, just anxiety. I just get so angry with myself for being so weak and not being able to maintain control. I could see if my day had been terrible or something, but after having a wonderful day it is really aggravating to be like this again. I had even been thinking that my panic attacks were going away.

Even though I know that it is nothing, I am afraid to go to bed and try to sleep. I feel so incredibly stupid.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Thought maybe if I wrote about it I might relax.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: frustrated by panic attack

I am sorry you are having these attacks Murray Have you talked to your doctor about them to make sure they are panic attacks and not something else. Maybe make appointment just in case get some blood work done okay. I hope you can get some grounding when the attacks happen get someone to be near you and hold you okay. Please call you doctor okay just to make sure though it is not something else. take care.

 

[Domo]

Re: frustrated by panic attack

You are not weak or stupid Murray :support:

Do you have a therapist appointment coming up soon? Refresh my memory, are you on any meds?

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: frustrated by panic attack

Thought maybe if I wrote about it I might relax.

It may also help to take a warm bath/shower, which is my favorite way of relaxing at night since it makes me sleepy.

Have you seen the book When Panic Attacks by David Burns? It looks pretty good from the excerpts I have seen.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I've had good feedback from several clients on the book Daniel mentioned, When Panic Attacks.

Are you on any medications currently, Murray? You've probably already answered that question somewhere but I can't recall.

As for why you would have a panic attack after such a great day, that may be the reason: Some individuals who are prone to worrying, especially OCD-style worrying, become apprehensive or hypervigilant after experiencing good day(s) or "good luck", sort of thinking that something bad must be about to happen to offset the good things. Another possibility is simply being tired after a day of a lot of activity or excitement.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I can SO relate. I am sorry you're struggling with this. I also can't remember about your medications, if any. I think it would be good to discuss this with your doctor if you haven't already. I also want to say your brain is NOT stupid. This is not your fault. You're trying to do the right things and it's frustrating because it is SO SO hard. For me it has gotten easier to deal with the thoughts and the "round and round in my head" stuff and the anxiety. Medication helps me so much as well.

I hope you feel better soon. It will pass.

 

[Murray]

Thanks so much for responding
Now I'm feeling really stupid for posting this , it is so embarrassing.

No, I am not on any meds, my therapist doesn't seem to really believe in them. Most of the time I don't think that I really need them anyway.

I did just go to the doctor on Tuesday morning and she did some bloodwork, but she doesn't think that there is anything wrong with me. I think she just decided to do the tests to put my mind at ease, not because she actually thinks that I have what she was testing for.

I see my therapist again in a few days, so I will probably talk to him about this.

I will try to get the book you guys recommended. I am just so aggravated that this is happening again.

I have been thinking that maybe a nice cup of chamomile tea might be nice, but so far have lacked the motivation to even get up to do that.

What you said about worrying that something bad will happen to offset my good day does sort of make sense. I do tend to worry just a wee little bit

Anyway, thanks again for all of the support. You guys are wonderful.:thankyou2:

P.S. One of these days I will figure out how to do the quotes correctly and maybe my responses will make more sense.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Is your therapist a psychiatrist? If not, you may want to discuss the issue of medication with your physician. They can definitely be helpful for many people with symptoms such as you describe.

 

[Banned]

Hi Murray,

I hope you start to feel better soon. It can be really frustrating to feel like you don't have any control over your own body. Frustrating and scary.

And please don't be embarrassed about posting about it. Sometimes just knowing others can relate or understand what we're going through is soothing. If these are occurring with any type of regularity, or even irregularity but are distressing, you may find a medication helpful. If I'm not mistaken, there are some you can take "in the moment" that will help. Anyway, if you think they may help, definitely talk to your doctor or therapist.

Chamomile tea sounds wonderful. I'm just settling in for the night with S. Pellegrino (which I LOVE) and a good book. I hope you get your tea .

 

[Murray]

Thanks Turtle, it definitely does help to know that I am not alone in having these feelings.

Dr Baxter, my therapist isn't a psychiatrist. We have talked about meds a few times, especially since my husband really thinks that I should be on them. Whenever the topic has come up, my therapist seems very much against me taking any medication. He doesn't seem to believe in taking meds unless absolutely necessary. I sort of feel like I would be a disappointment if I asked for meds at this point, which I know is really stupid of me, but I can't help feeling like he would think less of me. The other reason that I am hesitant to take anything is that I am trying to get pregnant and don't want to do anything that would be harmful.

 

[Banned]

Murray,

Can you have a frank discussion with your therapist as to why he seems opposed to you being on medication? And what constitutes "absolutely necessary"? This might be a good starting point.

Please don't feel like a disappointment about asking for meds. Do you take aspirin when you have a headache? Cold medicine when you have a cold? Why not panic medicine when you have a panic attack? The symptoms, as you know, are very real and apparently distressing.

If you are trying to get pregnant definitely talk to your doctor. In the event you can't take medication for whatever reason, can your therapist teach you some grounding exercises to help you calm down?

 

[Murray]

My therapist seems to be opposed to meds because he thinks that everyone is put on them whether they need them or not. Currently I am the only person in my immediate family who isn't taking any psych meds. My mom, step father, husband, in-laws, and even my 4, 5, and 6 year old brothers are all taking various meds. I know that they definitely help a lot of people (my husband, brother and mother are definitely helped by them), but I think that some people take them without much thought, so I can sort of see his point. Anyway, my therapist actually suggested homeopathy once as an alternative to me going on meds. That was kind of a shock to me when he suggested it, I said I didn't think that was something that I wanted to try. So, we sort of dropped that topic.

He has talked to me a bit about ways to relax, such as breathing and trying to go to my safe place. Sadly, when I am anxious and short of breath it is hard to breath deeply and to focus my thoughts enough to visualize my safe place. So, since I have techniques that I should be able to use when I am anxious, I end up feeling that I am failing when I can't calm myself down. Thus, I would feel like it was weakness on my part if I needed to go on meds when I should be able to control this. Of course, getting angry and berating myself doesn't really help me relax.

 

[Retired]

my therapist isn't a psychiatrist. We have talked about meds a few times, especially since my husband really thinks that I should be on them. Whenever the topic has come up, my therapist seems very much against me taking any medication. He doesn't seem to believe in taking meds unless absolutely necessary. I sort of feel like I would be a disappointment if I asked for meds at this point,

Murray,

What are the professional credentials of your therapist...iow is this person a psychologist, social worker, spiritual advisor etc?

Not wanting in any way to challenge or disrupt your relationship with your therapist, I would propose you consider a conversation with your therapist after consulting a medical mental health specialist for another opinion.

The goal is to provide you with the intervention tools you need to get you through the difficult times between therapy sessions, which can be accomplished with the judicioususe of appropriate medications, chosen for your particular needs and situation. Some medications can be safely used in pregnancy, and a competent medical specialist can help with chossing those options.

Alternative medicines are not controlled and although various claims can be made about safety and efficacy, the risks, in my view are greater, especially in light of possible pregnancy, than using the correctly chosen prescription medication with your circumstances taken into account.

It always concerns me when I hear of a mental health professional having a blanket opposition to using medication as an adjunct to certain forms of therapy, especially when credible scientific evidence might support the combination of supportive psychotherapy along with specific medications.

To shut the door on what might benefit you and to make you feel guilty about opening a discussion on the subject, might be seen as selfishly self serving on behalf of the therapist ,in my opinion, and as grossly unfair to you, the client.

You should not be made to feel that you might impress or disappoint your therapist. Instead your therapist should be there to provide you with every possible therapeutic option ethically available to improve your mental health. If you feel your health provider cannot or will not do so, it might be in your own self interest to seek out a different provider.

 

[Murray]

TSOW, my therapist is an LCSW. I do think that he is helping me a lot, so I wouldn't want to switch to someone else at this point. It has taken me ages to get comfortable enough to actually start to work on some things. I have to admit when he suggested the homeopathic route that I had a "crisis of faith". I seriously questioned whether or not I could continue to see someone who would recommend it. In the end, though, I decided that aside from this area, we were making some progress and were working well together. So I decided to just ignore that aspect.

I know that I shouldn't worry about disappointing my therapist, but it is one of my issues that I always feel weak and like a disappointment to everyone. I just want to be strong enough to do this on my own and use the techniques that I have been given. It just frustrates me when I can't manage to control myself. I feel like if I was strong enough I wouldn't need to take anything. I know that this is stupid because as others have pointed out, I have no problem taking cold meds or pain meds. I just truly feel like he would be disappointed in me if I mentioned taking meds again. Intellectually I know that this shouldn't be a concern, but I just can't seem to help it.

For the most part I have been feeling better. My panic attacks have been less frequent and less severe for the most part. So, until recently I was feeling like I was doing pretty well without meds. I felt like I was really making progress. I guess that is why I was so upset last night (as well as earlier in the week with my health concerns popping up again out of the blue). I just couldn't understand why after having a wonderful day I would be feeling that way. It has been a while since I was actually questioning whether what was going on was actually life threatening or just another panic attack and it scared me.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I am not sure that made any sense. I am feeling better today, just exhausted for some reason. Thanks

 

[David Baxter PhD]

The fact that he is a good therapist for you is great. I'm also acknowledging that you are trying to become pregnant, so that medications right now aren't a realistic option.

But that doesn't change the more general issue that an LCSW has no training in and is not in a position to evaluate pharmacology or medicine. The fact that he endorses homeopathy which is increasingly acknowledged to be useless quackery underscores that point.

None of that means he isn't a good therapist, even the perfect therapist for you. And nothing I'm saying here should be interpreted as saying "get a new therapist", because that is not at all what I'm saying.

But I think we need to consult the right experts. I have a good optician - I've been with him for years. I also have a couple of good mechanics. And I have two people I trust to work on my computers when something goes wrong I can't fix or when I need it fixed quickly and don't have the time myself. I don't ask any of them for medical advice or advice on medications. For that, I consult my physician.

 

[Retired]

I just want to be strong enough to do this on my own and use the techniques that I have been given. It just frustrates me when I can't manage to control myself. I feel like if I was strong enough I wouldn't need to take anything.

Murray,

The reality is that the crisis you experience is not a personal shortcoming, but rather caused by a medical illness that is likely due to a chemical imbalance in brain chemistry. If you were a diabetic, would you be feeling guilty because you somehow did not have the personal fortitude to control your blood sugar? Certainly not and the same applies to mental health issues, many of which are based in medical chemical imbalance.

The notion that we should be strong enough to overcome depression, anxiety or other mental health disorders is antiquated and cruel.

Glad to hear you are feeling better. You must be your own advocate in determining the quality of healthcare you receive; and you must be a partner in your healthcare with the healthcare professional you consult. You are the consumer and the healthcare professional is the provider; if the provider is not filling your needs, you must take the necessary action to redefine your needs and goals with your current provider, and if that provider cannot fulfill those needs and goals, you need to find another provider.

You are an empowered consumer of healthcare in this day and age.

 

[Murray]

Thanks for the responses. I guess I need to do some soul searching. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I have to admit that there is probably a small perverse part of me that has been taking some pride in the fact that I could just struggle through this without taking anything. As stupid as it is I think I also want my therapist to be proud of me. I just feel like crying now, this is so pathetic. Part of me is worried that if I bring up meds it will destroy the good rapport that we have and that he will reject me- stupid I know, but I tend to worry about stupid stuff all the time.

I was on meds for depression years ago, although I have never been on anything for my anxiety. After some trial and error I seemed to do okay on them. It's funny at that point in my life my depression was worse, but my anxiety was better...kind of weird.

On a little bit different note, I am also sort of wondering if my increasing anxiety symptoms are because I am really starting to work on stuff in therapy or if it is just sort of a random coincidence.

Anyway, thanks

 

[Domo]

Murray, I've said this to a few other people here but i think it applies to you....Don't waste any more time. I'm only 24 and i already feel like i have wasted too many years not getting the help i needed.

Your therapist won't be dissapointed in you for not being able to deal with this on your own. I can understand why you feel that way. I get the same way. I know better, but it doesn't stop those feelings. Just the other week of was so scared to go to my session because i'd done some dangerous things to myself and was scared to tell her what i did. She wasn't dissapointed at all. They know how these things work.

Do whatever you can to fight this.

 

[Murray]

Thanks Domo,
You're right it is pointless to waste more years being miserable and sadly I am quite a bit older than you, so have already wasted more time.
I know that I should be able to discuss anything with my therapist, it is just very difficult for me to mention things if I think he would disapprove. I just hate for him, or anyone else for that matter, to think less of me and be disappointed in me. I know, something good to work on in therapy, right

 

[Domo]

I know Murray, it is hard. I already feel like a waste of space without someone important in my life thinking any less of me.

But the relationship that you have with you therapist is not like anything else. They don't judge like that.