Getting ready to quit...

[Banned]

I'm really torn... on the one hand I feel like I'm ready to end therapy, but on the other I'm too afraid too. It seems too final and official to "end". I've been cutting back on sessions and it hardly seems worth it to go anymore. But, the upside is I still have that safety net if I need it. But when I do have a therapy day, it just seems uneventful and idle. No sense getting into anything big that might be going on since it'll be awhile before I see her again anyway. So it's (expensive) idle chitchat for an hour. She tries to push me but I'm just not there (mentally) anymore.

Is it time to quit? Again, I feel like I'm ready, but just can't take that final leap...I'm not sure what's holding me back. I guess just fear that if something comes up, I won't have her. Or that I'll self-sabotage to go back because of the safety of it...

ARGH. It's so frustrating. I wish I could just make a decision and go with it.

 

[Halo]

Turtle,

I am sure that it is a really difficult decision and one that I have not yet had to make. I don't know what it will feel like to know when it is time to finish therapy but I know that lately I have been having a few idle chit chat sessions myself and although I may not feel productive or like I am accomplishing much, it is sometimes nice to have a few sessions of non-hard work...and just be able to coast.

Again, I don't know how you are going to know but my thought would be to make a pros and cons list as well as a list of what issues you have discussed, haven't discussed, need to discuss and never will discuss. Being that I am a real list fan, seeing all these things visually for me would help things become clearer I think.

Good luck in your decision and if you want to vent or talk, you know where to find me

Take care
:hug: :friends:

 

[Banned]

Thanks Halo. I feel like I've been relatively stable for awhile now and am doing ok. The big question is - am I doing ok because I'm in therapy or would I be doing ok regardless? Know what I mean? Yes I was quite suicidal a few months ago but we know I'll always have those episodes throughout my life...it seems kind of a waste to stay in therapy just because of them.

I guess I feel like there's nothing left to accomplish, and now we're just "hanging out". I never want to go anymore, but the thought of officially saying "I quit" makes my heart race and freaks me out.

We've talked about it a bit, and we just end up talking in circles. She asked me if I want to cut back even more and I told her no because I didn't see any benefit in that. I already feel detached and unconnected from her because I don't go very often, so to cut back even more would make it entirely pointless, imo. But, maybe there's some merit there. Maybe I should give it some thought...

 

[Halo]

She asked me if I want to cut back even more and I told her no because I didn't see any benefit in that. I already feel detached and unconnected from her because I don't go very often, so to cut back even more would make it entirely pointless, imo. But, maybe there's some merit there. Maybe I should give it some thought...

It might be worth a shot to cut back even more if you find that there is not much benefit in going or that you really have nothing to talk about. I also think that it will help to decrease your anxiety so you don't feel like this as you described:

but the thought of officially saying "I quit" makes my heart race and freaks me out.

Again, don't know for sure if I am on the right track here...never had to deal with this but can only speculate and of course I am sure that others will have some input as well.

Take care
:hug: :friends:

 

[Banned]

I think I'm going to email her and tell her I want to "try" to do a month and see what happens. One of the points I mentioned to her earlier was that I didn't want to find out the hard way that a month is too long between appointments - the hard way being I crash. Having said that, I suppose I could call her if something happened and I felt I needed to go sooner...but knowing me I'd try to tough it out anyway...

I think I'll try that...and see what she says...tell her I'm open to suggestions or something...

 

[Halo]

Are you going once every two weeks now? If so, you can always try once every three weeks first before going a full month.....just a thought.

 

[Banned]

Ya...I might do that...I'm emailing her now but my hearts-a-racin' lol.

 

[NicNak]

Ya...I might do that...I'm emailing her now but my hearts-a-racin' lol.

Hi Turtle. I don't know how to advise you on quitting therapy or not. I have not been in that position.

I just wanted to make sure that you are feeling ok. If you were able to email your therapist and I hope your "hearts-a-racing" has subsided a bit.

Hope you are ok Turtle :support:

 

[Into The Light]

i wish i had some wise words for you about this but i don't. maybe the safety net you need is to know that at any time you could go back to her? i mean, this isn't all or nothing. this doesn't mean you'll never go back for the rest of your life should you need help again if you hit a new low.

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Turtle. I am glad to hear you have been so well. I say if your getting anxious about breaking it off with therapy maybe your just not quite ready to break it off totally. I think extending the time by a week is a great idea and like you said if anything comes up T is just a phone call away.

Take care best wishes
Mary

 

[Jackie]

Hello Turtle,

If I was you I would just take a break from it, and then she would still be there in the background as that safety net, should anything happen, I wouldn't quit it unless I felt 100% ready to do so and confident that I could survive without it.:hug:

 

[Banned]

Well, she wrote me back and said, in not so many words, to basically do what I want...so I think I'm going to cancel my app't on the 16th and either tell her I'll get in touch after Vegas to book or I'll book something now for when I get back from holidays...that'll be my "break" as a start...

 

[Halo]

Glad you heard back from her and it sounds like you have yourself quite a plan. It is good in my opinion that you are not completely quitting and just taking a break until after your vacation.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[Banned]

Ya...I'm kind of ticked off at her response to me which makes it a perfect time for me to quit. If I quit angry, then I won't miss her...which will make it easier.

I threw out April 6 (just before holidays) as an approximate "next app't" date but I've been thinking and I might just say that I'll call her if I need her.

 

[ladylore]

If you still need a therapist you could always try to find someone else who can fit your schedule a bit better.

 

[Banned]

Thanks LL.

She fits my schedule just fine. I just don't feel like I need to go anymore.

 

[Halo]

If it were me, I wouldn't give up the April 6 date just yet. I know that your initial response from her has raised some anger but it will subside and you may be happy that you kept the date. And trust me, being angry at a therapist doesn't make you miss them any less. Mine left with no goodbye after 8 years and although I was angry I still missed her a lot.

So, my suggestion..keep the date for now but you can always cancel closer to it if you still feel the same way.

Take care
:hug: :friends:

 

[Banned]

Maybe. I'll see what she says when/if she writes back.

Last time I was suicidal all it took to keep me going was her asking me to stay alive for her. That's it. I cried and cried but didn't want to hurt her. Since I've cut back though, that closeness isn't there anymore at all...and now, if I was suicidal, I still wouldn't want to hurt her but she alone wouldn't be enough to keep me alive. Does that make sense? I just feel really disconnected now that I don't go as often...and she knows...we've talked about it...

I think part of the problem might be that I always need to feel "close" to someone - but only one person at a time, and it's not her time anymore because I just don't see her enough. I've had to find someone else...I don't know if that makes sense.

 

[Halo]

I think what you said makes perfect sense and there have been times in my life where the only thing that I am holding onto in those dark moments is the faith that my therapist has in me....when I don't have it for myself, so yes...I completely understand.

Is there anyone else right now that could fill that void that you feel from your therapist that you could turn to...like only that one person? Do you still have email/text contact with her? Does that not make you feel close to her or is it because you are not physically seeing her? Anyway...just some thoughts and questions that come to mind.

I hope that you get this resolved within yourself and are happy about your decision.

Take care
:hug: :hug:

 

[Banned]

I do still have email/texting contact with her however I am disappointed because she used to be really, really good at getting back to me. Now she rarely does. When we spoke a couple months ago I told her how upsetting it is for me and she promised me she would always at least acknowledge anything I send her, even if she can't send a long detailed response back. But...that doesn't happen...so I feel like I can't trust her to do what she says she's going to anymore.

I think, at the end of the day, the relationship has broken down for a variety of reasons and while it *is* fixable, I just don't know how badly I want or need it anymore.