Going Back Full Time, or Going Back on Stress Leave

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

I've been on a gradual-return-to-work since Jan of this year (2015) and my psychiatrist has slowly increased my hours.

I'm now at 6 hours a day. I take calls from customers for technical support with their cell phones (and similar devices that connect to tower networks) and also internet support (troubleshooting copper or fiber connected networks)...

I don't find the calls stressful, for the most part. What distresses me are my stats. I have been trying to work on keeping my calls shorter. I have excellent customer service, and usually get 100% on call assessments for quality. The problem usually is that because I have higher quality, and also because I am still trying to maintain a mindfulness about the length of the call and boundaries (what the company supports and what it does not support)... I sometimes slip into my bad habits, especially if I'm extremely tired, had a migraine, or just feeling really down/depressed. And then I go and look at the metrics our system pulls and freak out. That is the most terrible thing that gets me worked up and more depressed and anxious. But if I don't try to bring those high call times and after call work times down, (after call work might entail finishing notes, but sometimes it is also because I am looking for links to email to the customer, etc, because we don't support something but I can provide them of examples on Google searches, or it is supported and the links are available on our online customer support).

Last week was terrible. Or at least it was terrible for my stats from about Mon and until Thursday. Friday wasn't as bad. Monday was good, too.

Thing is I have not been "off" for vacation since I started. I can't go on paid vacation until I am back to full time. So I either need to go back on full time hours in order to get paid sick time and paid vacation, or I need to go on stress leave again... I will find out more tomorrow with my psychiatrist.

My psychologist gives me strategies to do, and if I am on the ball, I can be in the zone and do well... Other times, everything seems to go kablooie!!!

I just feel so overwhelmed lately. I am taking some medication for depression and anxiety, but really I think I just need to find another job. I thought I had it figured out about staying in the company and moving to a different department. I have very few choices because I have a teaching degree, but not Math 30 and no technical degree/certificate. I already spent 6 years at university and had to pay off loans. I don't feel I have the wherewithal to go back to school. So now I don't know if I want to switch to Sales, because it sounds like they have a quota, and if they don't meet it, they can get fired. At least I can't get fired right now, even if my stats are so inconsistent...

So that narrows down my choices even further... There's an online support team that I will have to shoot for... At the moment they are not hiring, though.

Again, I don't know why I'm posting this. I'm just a tad desperate, a tad anxious and I feel sometimes like I wanna bang my head repeatedly on a hard surface. *sigh*

 

[HBas]

Nothing that gets your thoughts straitened out like putting pen to paper (Fingers to keys)

Just writing/typing everything in you head without editing to what you want want to think or feel and then reading it back aloud can give you clarity on what you are really feeling and what you should really do.

From reading your post, I think you pretty much have your choices figured out and know what you need to do but could do with a virtual hug so here goes ...

HUG

PS* Time off may not always be the answer if you are going to stress about it - maybe set yourself new goals and time management strategies

Take care of you and hang in there.

 

[GDPR]

It is so hard to make decisions about a job,but I think whatever causes you the least stress is always the best decision.

Whatever you feel is best for you is the way to go.

 

[Banned]

Can you take an unpaid vacation? Working eight months without time off is asking a lot of someone, especially someone who is coming back after stress leave. Can you have a shorter work week with longer days - ie Mon-Thurs 8 hours a day so you have a bit more of a break? Do you work from home or do you have the option of working from home in a less stressful environment? Can you stress less about your stats? Easier said than done, I know. In my job, only two of my stats actually affect my pay so I worry about those two and not the rest. I let my manager worry about those cause that's why she makes manager pay.

Just some options...I'm kind of going through a work place identity crisis myself so I've been doing some of this thinking for myself too.

 

[PrincessX]

This is great advice from Turtle

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

I can ask my psychiatrist today...

See I just had a meeting a few weeks ago with my rehab facilitator. I told her at that time that I thought I was ready to go back up to 7 hours, so she drafted a proposal and she's coming to the session for the first 10 minutes.

Right now, before any new decisions are made, I am currently doing one week: 5 days/6 hours... And then on week with Wednesday off... But soon I'm expected - at least by the facilitator (who works for the insurance company who is paying a percentage my work paycheque/wages) - to start working full weeks.

I've been applying and looking at jobs within the company, and the one job I'm qualified for and have lots of seniority for, I must have missed the posting and now I have to wait longer for it to come around again... D'oh...

So, I don't even know if I can make this decision for myself. I will just tell my psychiatrist that either I have to go back full time so I can take some vacation, and have a 30 min lunch instead of just two 15 min breaks... Or else I gotta seriously consider taking more paid leave off. So someone make the decision and I'll do it. I could probably do either, but I'm gonna beg my psychiatrist not to keep me on 6 hours anymore because that'll kill me.

Thanks Turtle, for the great advice... Unfortunately, my husband has had plenty of unpaid time off as he's dealt with cancer. He's making money again teaching guitar, just on a smaller capacity until he's feeling a stronger. I don't think we can handle either of us taking anymore time off... Otherwise, hellz ya, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But if I did anything like that, I'd have to check with my employer first... Does that mean I'm on "leave of absence" or does it mean I "quit?" I do know it would mean the insurance, of course, wouldn't likely be given...

And next step of course, which I've already been seriously considering is just looking elsewhere for a job. Thing is, I'm the breadwinner. It's gotta be a good one with at least comparable benefits and retirement plan... This job is so plum with those sort of things, that's one of the reasons it's been so hard to even consider leaving the whole company...

---------- Post Merged at 04:46 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:35 AM ----------

OK, so I was honest with my psychiatrist.

I know I should really embrace going forward and not take a step backward and take more time off...

Besides...
a) I will get an extra 30 minute break along with the two 15 minute breaks...
b) I will get an extra earned day off every two weeks (and it's pretty flexible so I can move it if there aren't too many people off a certain day)...
c) I will get my sick time and vacation time!!!

So after a month of doing full time, I might actually feel "normal."

Mind you, at the moment I'm somewhat terrified. lol Maybe less than terrified. Unsettled???? Jittery? Some level of uncertainty would be normal for everyone, so I will try to focus on the good reasons versus the cons...

So next week I start working 7 hours... Then the following week, it's back to 7.78 hours per day... For 7 days in a row... mg:

Restrictions: no early start times... no working more than 5 days in a row... for the next three months, anyways...

It's been recommended that I have more appointments with my psychologist *check*... And I can have more of my .05 clonazepam... Because my Wellbutrin has been doubled from 150 mg to 300 mg... She's gonna see if this helps my focus, & maybe helps me with my Cymbalta @ 90 mg... If there is no difference, then we'll go back to the 150 Wellbutrin...

So I leap forward, hoping my parachute doesn't have a big hole in it! lol

 

[Banned]

That sounds like a good plan. You won't know until you try, right?

I'm on mods at work with restrictions on my start times. I could not stay in my department without them. Our scheduling is so insane my body and my bipolar could not handle it. So, restrictions and easing forward gently are not a bad thing. And maybe you will stay full time with restrictions permanently. That's not a bad thing either. You have to look after you first and foremost. Sounds like as scary as it is, and as lame as your insurance lady has been, you've got some good doctors on your side and things will work out long term.

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

I've actually been on a specific mod of "working no more than 5 consecutive days in a row," for similar reasons. Even at full time permanent you can occasionally get 6-8 days in a row, especially during the monthly transition into the next monthly schedule... Eventually it got permanent after my physician kept it as such for long enough, I guess.

I also find so-called little things like trying to get people to trade, for example, a week of 7am shifts for something much later in the day!!! Right now I'm stressed enough and I don't think I can handle the added stress of constantly asking around to different people and getting more and more nervous as the week comes closer that I'm going to be stuck with those types of shifts... So I asked if my doctor/psychiatrist could give that restriction, at least for three months, then who knows... I really despise trying to dig up someone who will take away earlier shifts and I swap for their later shifts. Even before I went on stress leave it drove me bonkers. lol

Oh, and my former insurance lady was, yes, lame. I can't remember if I mentioned that I finally got a different lady to do the rehab facilitating... Or rather, my psychologist actually called on my behalf. And my psychiatrist also wrote the recommendation that I didn't deal with that horrid woman. My newer facilitator is WAY nicer! She's actually a senior worker, and also I found out today that her own husband got bacterial meningitis and actually became paralyzed for a time, and even SHE was off for about 6 months because that was a VERY stressful time for HER, too! So I was sad to hear she had gone through that, but it's a sign that for sure she knows what I was going through! lol

Thank you all for your encouragement and suggestions everyone! I'll touch base in a while...

PS: my husband thought he was done his herceptin injections, but found out he just has one more left... So then after that he's just on the oral meds of tamoxifen for another 4 years... And hopefully after that time, he will be considered done and officially cancer free!! He's feeling so much healthier, I just wanted to share that for you. It's just been so stressful for me dragging my butt back to work I haven't been posting as much...

 

[MHealthJo]

Hey there Jolly! Just wanted to say "Supportive Hi" even though my brain can't think of much useful to say right now.

The only thing that did come to mind though, was, "How important are these stats? How important is this one in particular that you are not great at?"

I am not sure whether you have had some sort of formal warning about them, or what your situation is...

But I hear you though as in the work world I have certainly struggled a lot with worrying, worrying, worrying about whether I am doing my job 'good enough' or 'perfect enough', for sure.

And it is just so hard sometimes because so many of us have had, or have heard of, experiences where a person doesn't necessarily ALWAYS know clearly that there is a definite "serious issue" with their job or their performance, before something goes wrong with it or downsizing or layoffs come out of nowhere... The economic climate we are living in doesn't help with that background worry that can always sort of be there.

(I am assuming that your worry is essentially about losing your job due to your stats not being 'good enough'.... or maybe you are concerned about some sort of confrontation you believe you may have if your performance is not 100% all round at the peak of perfection in every criteria that can possibly be put on it.)

There was one sentence when you were describing what happens, where I don't know if the sentence wasn't finished completely?

You say:

"And then I go and look at the metrics our system pulls and freak out. That is the most terrible thing that gets me worked up and more depressed and anxious. But if I don't try to bring those high call times and after call work times down, (after call work might entail finishing notes, but sometimes it is also because I am looking for links to email to the customer, etc, because we don't support something but I can provide them of examples on Google searches, or it is supported and the links are available on our online customer support). "

So I was sort of expecting to hear what happens if you don't try to bring those times down, which you started saying before the bracket, but then after the bracket the sentence ended....? Wasn't sure if there was some sort of clear worry or consequence on what definitely WILL happen if that part of your stats is not consistently highly excellent, or at least if you don't check it often, and whether you forgot to add that it after the bracket.

But no pressure to clarify this or anything if you don't want to. But I just wanted to say that your overall description of your work performance sounds amazing. If there ever is some sort of stressful performance review or something, you are going to be able to have a ton to say about yourself that is absolutely excellent, and I do wonder how many other people could possibly achieve or are achieving perfect stats across the board in one of these sorts of jobs....

It's interesting too that your stats in that area that you are worried about, aren't even overall not so good. They just vary a bit.

But I certainly understand well how we can have an urge to scan the horizon for problems, or maybe in reverse, sort of be looking for reassurance that 'all is well'....

Just thought if you decide that checking these stats often might be detrimental to you overall rather than helpful to you, certainly chat some more with your psychologist about it, perhaps ask whether there is a different idea that they think might encourage you to approach this temptation of checking your performance differently... (But then, I don't know whether it's not really a 'choice' - whether your work actually dictates that you are supposed to check these stats with a certain regularity.)

Thinking of you and big hug Jolly... You have done so very very well with so many things, and I know we don't all tend to notice or realise how well we have done and how well we are doing, but the other way around sometimes...

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Hi there MHealthJo!

Well, I've been told by the union several times that nothing can happen to me.

But the managers do eventually tire of having me on their teams... Because their manager is always breathing down their neck about my stats...

So while I have high quality, the problem is that the higher quality calls take longer. The stat for that is AHT, or Average Handle Time... It's the highest in the call center... Although I'll admit I've managed some days to whittle it down to 10 minutes, although usually that's because there is a routing problem and a bunch of my calls are just really quick transfers to another department! lol

Then sometimes there is the ACW or After Call Work. Usually I am very fast with that, but sometimes I get carried away emailing or texting customers to give them links to support, etc... I'm off the call, noting the call, and then getting back into the call queue. We aren't supposed to have an ACW over 2 minutes and 30 seconds, I believe...

You hit the nail on the head, though... I feel like I don't belong there. I feel like an imposter. I wonder why on earth they hired me in the first place... Other than they probably needed more women in that area! lol I have a teaching degree, not a technical degree/certificate.

On the other hand I've also had some therapy on various aspects of my job. Like, before I was thinking, "How can someone fix a customer's problem in under 10 minutes? That's impossible. Screw that idea." However, my therapist also helped me with boundaries... I do have issues with that. I used to support things/help customers with things our company does not support. What we do support are some email settings, network settings, etc and our cell towers or the settings to connect to them... And similar with internet services. However sometimes I will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to fix something with a customer, or try helping them with a software issue, which we are supposed to refer to a dealer or to the manufacturer. And sometimes, I try to fix the unfixable because I'm a perfectionist and don't want to give up, and want to help the customer. Anyways, I've stopped trying to be so "perfect" and I'm usually faster to admit to the customer that this looks like a software issue and refer them to a dealer. I also used to get bullied or guilted into helping people I shouldn't, even if they're snarky I should get a spine and either send the escalation to a manager or a coordinator. Etc Etc Etc.

Because, as my therapist said, "You can't help everyone with EVERYthing."

So some of my rigid belief systems are slowly getting out of their ruts, but when I'm feeling less wonderful (migraines, etc) I sometimes fall back into my old habits... It's work, but I'm progressing...

But I still freak out when I see my stats sometimes. I'm afraid of what will happen, even though my manager is pretty cool, and even though the union says I shouldn't be worried... I don't want to disappoint anyone... Maybe the fear is more that someone will figure out I don't belong there. lol

But I know of ONE department I might fit better into. It's Customer Self Service. I don't talk to the customer, I chat online with our online customer support. That seems a lot easier than doing it on the phone. lol

I hope this was a bit better explained this time... Thanks for asking for the clarification...