Hello everyone,
I have actually been a member of this forum for quite awhile now, but this is my first posting. Maybe I keep putting it off because I don't know what to write at times......I do not know. Anyhow, I am just going to write and see what comes out so I apologize now if it rambles on a bit.
Well, my name is Gemma. I am 24 years old and have suffered depression for many years now. I have never had it diagnosed by my GP because it just comes on unexpectantly and can last for a few minutes up to a whole week. Guess I don't want to waste anyones time.
I am currently 7 months pregnant and, although I am extremely lucky in how kind my partner is, I feel so incredibly lonely. Again, I am lucky because I know my friends do care, but I feel as though I have been left behind. None of my friends have kids and are busy with their jobs and such. I miss being able to do whatever I want and it sometimes feels as though I have been slightly pushed aside because I am not up for going out pretty much all of the time.
I do not work because this pregnancy has not been very easy, so I am pretty much on my own day in, day out. Although I love my partner dearly, I crave the company of others. Also, my partner has other obligations which means a lot of the time he is out doing those tasks after work - leaving me alone all through the day AND night. I know he feels guilty about it but I don't stand in his way because that would be totally wrong. He has already changed his lifestyle so much since I came into his life that I like him being able to escape now and again.
I really hate moaning and apologize if my issues sound trivial. I admit that I have a problem with myself in the sense I believe I am not entitled to be unhappy. I think this stems from previous relationships where I have been called a 'psychopath' purely because I shouted about something. Now, I feel I am not allowed to voice my anger and fustration because it is so 'anti Gemma'. Basically I feel that I am not allowed to deviate from what others consider to be my 'normal self' because they will think me a terrible person if I do. A few times in my life I acted out of character by voicing my anger and each and every time I have done this, someone I thought was a friend has called me things that makes me sound like the most awful, selfish and unworthy human being that has ever lived. I have never insulted any of these people I wish to add.
I think I have a good reputation in the town I am living now as a good, kind person because I genuinely do care about others - this is the true me. Yet everyone gets angry and upset at times and I feel that if I let others know how lonely and fustrated I feel then they will turn against me forever.
Geez, I am sorry. I rambled on a fair amount there but guess I really needed to get it off my chest.
Thank you
-x-
I have actually been a member of this forum for quite awhile now, but this is my first posting. Maybe I keep putting it off because I don't know what to write at times......I do not know. Anyhow, I am just going to write and see what comes out so I apologize now if it rambles on a bit.
Well, my name is Gemma. I am 24 years old and have suffered depression for many years now. I have never had it diagnosed by my GP because it just comes on unexpectantly and can last for a few minutes up to a whole week. Guess I don't want to waste anyones time.
I am currently 7 months pregnant and, although I am extremely lucky in how kind my partner is, I feel so incredibly lonely. Again, I am lucky because I know my friends do care, but I feel as though I have been left behind. None of my friends have kids and are busy with their jobs and such. I miss being able to do whatever I want and it sometimes feels as though I have been slightly pushed aside because I am not up for going out pretty much all of the time.
I do not work because this pregnancy has not been very easy, so I am pretty much on my own day in, day out. Although I love my partner dearly, I crave the company of others. Also, my partner has other obligations which means a lot of the time he is out doing those tasks after work - leaving me alone all through the day AND night. I know he feels guilty about it but I don't stand in his way because that would be totally wrong. He has already changed his lifestyle so much since I came into his life that I like him being able to escape now and again.
I really hate moaning and apologize if my issues sound trivial. I admit that I have a problem with myself in the sense I believe I am not entitled to be unhappy. I think this stems from previous relationships where I have been called a 'psychopath' purely because I shouted about something. Now, I feel I am not allowed to voice my anger and fustration because it is so 'anti Gemma'. Basically I feel that I am not allowed to deviate from what others consider to be my 'normal self' because they will think me a terrible person if I do. A few times in my life I acted out of character by voicing my anger and each and every time I have done this, someone I thought was a friend has called me things that makes me sound like the most awful, selfish and unworthy human being that has ever lived. I have never insulted any of these people I wish to add.
I think I have a good reputation in the town I am living now as a good, kind person because I genuinely do care about others - this is the true me. Yet everyone gets angry and upset at times and I feel that if I let others know how lonely and fustrated I feel then they will turn against me forever.
Geez, I am sorry. I rambled on a fair amount there but guess I really needed to get it off my chest.
Thank you
-x-