Greetings

[Gemma]

Hello everyone,

I have actually been a member of this forum for quite awhile now, but this is my first posting. Maybe I keep putting it off because I don't know what to write at times......I do not know. Anyhow, I am just going to write and see what comes out so I apologize now if it rambles on a bit.

Well, my name is Gemma. I am 24 years old and have suffered depression for many years now. I have never had it diagnosed by my GP because it just comes on unexpectantly and can last for a few minutes up to a whole week. Guess I don't want to waste anyones time.

I am currently 7 months pregnant and, although I am extremely lucky in how kind my partner is, I feel so incredibly lonely. Again, I am lucky because I know my friends do care, but I feel as though I have been left behind. None of my friends have kids and are busy with their jobs and such. I miss being able to do whatever I want and it sometimes feels as though I have been slightly pushed aside because I am not up for going out pretty much all of the time.

I do not work because this pregnancy has not been very easy, so I am pretty much on my own day in, day out. Although I love my partner dearly, I crave the company of others. Also, my partner has other obligations which means a lot of the time he is out doing those tasks after work - leaving me alone all through the day AND night. I know he feels guilty about it but I don't stand in his way because that would be totally wrong. He has already changed his lifestyle so much since I came into his life that I like him being able to escape now and again.

I really hate moaning and apologize if my issues sound trivial. I admit that I have a problem with myself in the sense I believe I am not entitled to be unhappy. I think this stems from previous relationships where I have been called a 'psychopath' purely because I shouted about something. Now, I feel I am not allowed to voice my anger and fustration because it is so 'anti Gemma'. Basically I feel that I am not allowed to deviate from what others consider to be my 'normal self' because they will think me a terrible person if I do. A few times in my life I acted out of character by voicing my anger and each and every time I have done this, someone I thought was a friend has called me things that makes me sound like the most awful, selfish and unworthy human being that has ever lived. I have never insulted any of these people I wish to add.

I think I have a good reputation in the town I am living now as a good, kind person because I genuinely do care about others - this is the true me. Yet everyone gets angry and upset at times and I feel that if I let others know how lonely and fustrated I feel then they will turn against me forever.

Geez, I am sorry. I rambled on a fair amount there but guess I really needed to get it off my chest.

Thank you

-x-

 

[Into The Light]

welcome gemma :wave4: it's nice to hear from you and about your situation. congratulations on your pregnancy!

a few things about your post stood out to me. the first is you are pregnant and you have feelings of depression. this is something that you should let your health care provider know about, because you may be at risk for post partum depression. i've been there, and it was hell. so i think it is very important for you to let them know, so that it can be kept an eye on and if anything is amiss after your baby's birth, it will be recognized early and will be treated right away. i missed out on a lot with my baby and the guilt and sadness around that were very hard. i'd hate to see you have to go through that so i wanted to mention this to you so you and your health care provider can take precautions.

the second thing i noticed in your post is that you are alone a lot. this makes a person feel more isolated as you have noticed. i think, since you aren't working either, you might want to look into some sort of class or group you can join of other expectant mothers. that way you can connect to other people and you might make some new friends who are in a similar phase of their lives as you. this would get you out of the house during the day and i think it would lift your spirits. some kind of prenatal class or even a mom and child playgroup where you could meet people who already have children.

the other thing is your sense that you cannot be yourself or else other people will reject you. this is a feeling that is hard to change and something that i have struggled with too and still am working on. it is important for you to listen to your own needs and respond to them, as hard as that may be. if you keep ignoring your own needs it's only going to lead to the feelings you have: lonely, being afraid to speak up, unhappy because you aren't getting what you need, etc.

it sounds like you are struggling a bit and it might not be a bad idea to consider speaking with a licensed therapist. i have found it to be a very positive and helpful experience that ultimately will lead to a much happier life for me.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome (formally) to Psychlinks, Gemma.

I think ladybug's excellent post has pretty much said it. Those who lives their lives giving to others often do have difficulty asking for something, or even acknowledging to themselves that they need something from others - at least you have taken that first step.

Your life is about to change in many ways. However, it's also going to get better and more fulfilling in ways that I don't think anyone really can predict until the baby is actually there. And in all likelihood you will find that your friends over the next few years will be "growing into" your new lifestyle themselves and/or you will build new friendships and support circles with other new mothers.

Think about this time as a transitional period for you. And please do take ladybug's advice and talk to your doctor about how you feel.

 

[ladylore]

Hi Gemma!

Ladybug and David have said most of what I wanted to say so I will just say hi and welcome to Psychlinks - I look forward to your posts. :welcome2:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Welcome to Psychlinks!

 

[Halo]

Welcome to Psychlinks Gemma :welcome2:

I hope to see you around the board :wave:

 

[braveheart]

Welcome!