This is one of the harder parts of my life.
I'm alone. I've always been alone. My entire life. I've never had anything resembling a positive relationship with any woman. No high school crushes, no weekend flings, no significant others. I've never been good at communicating like that. Frankly, I'm not comfortable with the usual dating rituals. Intimacy is difficult for me. Sex is nearly impossible. I've never even spent the night with someone. What I have been capable of has left me feeling worse than the times when I had just made excuses and ran. It makes me sick just to be writing about it.
I used to think that I could go on like this. No love, no companion, no connection, no sex. But, now it brings me so much pain that I can barely contain myself when I start thinking about empty my life has been.
I'm far from perfect; and I don't really have much to offer. But, all that I ever wanted for myself was some compassion. Some understanding. It's all very frightening to me and I wish that I could find someone who would just work with me, grab me when I panic and tell me that it was ok.
The women that have made it into my life have been particularly cruel. I won't get into details. But, suffice to say it's all been disastrous. I don't trust women any more.
It's all just a big joke to me. Everybody's pairing off. Everybody has somebody. Even if for nothing else but temporary mutual comfort.
I have no one. I'm the only one in my entire circle of friends who's always alone. Luckily, no-one ever questions me. I don't know how I would respond
I'm broken. I can't even achieve the basic purpose of a man. I don't even know what it feels like. I hate myself so much
I'm alone. I've always been alone. My entire life. I've never had anything resembling a positive relationship with any woman. No high school crushes, no weekend flings, no significant others. I've never been good at communicating like that. Frankly, I'm not comfortable with the usual dating rituals. Intimacy is difficult for me. Sex is nearly impossible. I've never even spent the night with someone. What I have been capable of has left me feeling worse than the times when I had just made excuses and ran. It makes me sick just to be writing about it.
I used to think that I could go on like this. No love, no companion, no connection, no sex. But, now it brings me so much pain that I can barely contain myself when I start thinking about empty my life has been.
I'm far from perfect; and I don't really have much to offer. But, all that I ever wanted for myself was some compassion. Some understanding. It's all very frightening to me and I wish that I could find someone who would just work with me, grab me when I panic and tell me that it was ok.
The women that have made it into my life have been particularly cruel. I won't get into details. But, suffice to say it's all been disastrous. I don't trust women any more.
It's all just a big joke to me. Everybody's pairing off. Everybody has somebody. Even if for nothing else but temporary mutual comfort.
I have no one. I'm the only one in my entire circle of friends who's always alone. Luckily, no-one ever questions me. I don't know how I would respond
I'm broken. I can't even achieve the basic purpose of a man. I don't even know what it feels like. I hate myself so much