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Uncontrolled

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Dec 30, 2004
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Hello, my name is Stephanie, I'm in the eighth grade, if you can tell I'm easily distracted, since I misspelled uncontrolled by not paying attention to what I had already typed. I lack self confidence and am sometimes rude or snotty, you probably won't like me. I'm also very negative.

To the good, I'm honest to people I don't know, I don't need to lie to people I will probably never meet. I live in the western United States. I write short stories in my spare time, but they tend to be very dark, I have an avid imagination. I'm pretty responsible for my age, I take care of 5 animals on a daily basis, four of which belong to me and I am the only care taker of.

If you've actually read all this, I'm here because of my explosive and uncontrollable anger which causes me to do outrageous things that I always end up regretting.
 

David Baxter

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Welcome to Psychlinks Online, Stephanie.

What brings out your anger? and who or what does the anger get directed toward? how is it expressed?
 

Uncontrolled

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Thank You.

Every thing brings out my anger, my dog refusing to come inside for an extra ten minutes can bring out a deadly rage. I always blame it on myself, I've always been told to not blame others, and I am unable to teach myself otherwise. I express my anger in probably one of the worst ways, when most placid it is expressed by slamming doors or flipping over plastic chairs in the backyard, pacing back and forth occassionally. But almost all of the time I express it by hurting my self, using whatever objects possible, knives when I'm in the kitchen, Maglite-Flashlights when I'm in my room. Earlier today, when my dog refused to come inside, I picked up the thick metal pole that we use to lock the sliding back door, swung it like a baseball bat and beat my leg with it until I was too weak to lift it again.
 

David Baxter

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Does anything else work to diffuse your anger, apart from hurting yourself? What other things have you tried?

You also mentioned being easily distracted. Have you been tested for ADHD?
 

Uncontrolled

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Again, Thank You.

I don't know, I never think about it, the second I get angry I pick something up and hit myself with it, cut myself, or hit/kick something. I've never tried anything, like I said, when I'm angry, it just.. happens.

No, never even considered that I might have it.
 

ThatLady

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How do your parents react to your self-abuse, Stephanie? Might they be willing to help you get some counselling, and some testing for ADHD?
 

Uncontrolled

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They don't know. I made it pretty clear in my first post that I'm honest to people I don't know, but I lack honesty with the people I do know, in fear of what they might think. Except with my friends, they just see the injuries, they don't know the stories behind them, and we all play it as some sort of joke. Honestly, I don't want my parents to know.
 

David Baxter

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Stephanie, the first step is identifying what it is that's happening when you get angry and when you react to it in the way you do. It may seem instantaneous and I'm sure it does happen very quickly but nonetheless there is something that happens between the external event and your rage -- and it's a cognitive process, thinking, self-talk -- and this is what triggers the anger, not whatever just happened in the external world.

Have a look at these resources and exercises, especially the ones on thoughts and feelings and twisted/distorted thinking. The David Burns books are probably available in your local public library.
 
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Welcome, Stephanie.

I really hope that you can get some relief from this and I hope that talking about it will help somehow.
 

haunting

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Hello Stephanie. Welcome to the forum. (my sisters name is Stephanie as well).

Haunting
 

Uncontrolled

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I talked a little bit to my friends about the subject, not going into too much detail. And they said something about it being triggered by 'blood lust', wanting to be hurt. I already knew that though, that's why we do are monthly dares, just about every time we do a dare someone ends up in the hospital. I did my dare back in May, I got hurt, and enjoyed it. That is also around the time this whole thing started, or atleast got worse.
 

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