bananasplit
Member
Hi
I'm bananasplit, not sure what is wrong with me psychologically, I know i suffer with depression which has been the reason for giving up work and university, I also supposedly suffer from paranoia but I feel once I tell certain people this, they decide it's entertaining for them to play on it. I'm at a stage now where I almost don't care. It's not a nice feeling in case you may think otherwise. I have experienced a lot of paranormal phenomena which I KNOW most doctors will try to explain away medically or psychologically, but since these strange occurances started happening before I had any serious issues, I beg to differ on their diagnosis, I understand why they would say I was mad, I would have agreed a long time ago if someone had told me some of what I had experienced to be true.
I have been a member of many forums but have found the bitchiness too much to bare. I don't believe anyone whose intentions are to work hard, be trustworthy and reliable, not stab anyone in the back, should be subjected to bitchiness, especially when their trouble is not limited to the workplace. I would love it if I could find a job where I actually enjoy doing extra hours, forgetting my problems, I had a 2 jobs like this in the past but in recent years it's like I'm on a different planet, people can be so nasty and I find myself being nasty in return which I don't feel good about, so it's been my decision to give up looking for work. the 2 jobs I had which were good were reccommended by friends who worked there, i didn't even have to look, so my attitude now is the right job will come to me as when i look, I find hell.
I realise (though it seems many others don't)that i am suffering finanically and materially by not working but psychologically I suffer worse in the recent jobs I've had. I'd rather go to sleep sane than go to sleep rich or with money in my pocket.
If you've picked up on my agressive tone, you're not imagining it, i'm angry that i can't work without suffering psychologically, i feel life is ticking by, my youth was cried away, my day now consists of listening to sad reminicent music during crying fits. I feel no cares or can help, not even those who you assume love you. I see a lot of posts here about those who are at the recieving end of people with depression and how awful it is for them, well just be thankful you are not the ones pushing people away, because it doesn't matter who i push away, at the end of the day, i can't push away these thoughts and feeling away, oh unless you consider suicide an option which you may do.
anyway i hold no expectations that i will stay here, if i am not banned, i wouldn't be surprised if someone here tries to prey on my paranoia diagnosis so that i leave, walking away from a fight i was taught was always better than punching someone in the stomach, it seems though that not everyone believes that so as much as i hope this isn't a brief stay, i won't get my hopes up that i will find peace and understanding here, if people who call themselves spiritualists have no understanding then imo i can't expect anyone else to.
after that rant, i wont hold my breath for the welcomes.
I'm bananasplit, not sure what is wrong with me psychologically, I know i suffer with depression which has been the reason for giving up work and university, I also supposedly suffer from paranoia but I feel once I tell certain people this, they decide it's entertaining for them to play on it. I'm at a stage now where I almost don't care. It's not a nice feeling in case you may think otherwise. I have experienced a lot of paranormal phenomena which I KNOW most doctors will try to explain away medically or psychologically, but since these strange occurances started happening before I had any serious issues, I beg to differ on their diagnosis, I understand why they would say I was mad, I would have agreed a long time ago if someone had told me some of what I had experienced to be true.
I have been a member of many forums but have found the bitchiness too much to bare. I don't believe anyone whose intentions are to work hard, be trustworthy and reliable, not stab anyone in the back, should be subjected to bitchiness, especially when their trouble is not limited to the workplace. I would love it if I could find a job where I actually enjoy doing extra hours, forgetting my problems, I had a 2 jobs like this in the past but in recent years it's like I'm on a different planet, people can be so nasty and I find myself being nasty in return which I don't feel good about, so it's been my decision to give up looking for work. the 2 jobs I had which were good were reccommended by friends who worked there, i didn't even have to look, so my attitude now is the right job will come to me as when i look, I find hell.
I realise (though it seems many others don't)that i am suffering finanically and materially by not working but psychologically I suffer worse in the recent jobs I've had. I'd rather go to sleep sane than go to sleep rich or with money in my pocket.
If you've picked up on my agressive tone, you're not imagining it, i'm angry that i can't work without suffering psychologically, i feel life is ticking by, my youth was cried away, my day now consists of listening to sad reminicent music during crying fits. I feel no cares or can help, not even those who you assume love you. I see a lot of posts here about those who are at the recieving end of people with depression and how awful it is for them, well just be thankful you are not the ones pushing people away, because it doesn't matter who i push away, at the end of the day, i can't push away these thoughts and feeling away, oh unless you consider suicide an option which you may do.
anyway i hold no expectations that i will stay here, if i am not banned, i wouldn't be surprised if someone here tries to prey on my paranoia diagnosis so that i leave, walking away from a fight i was taught was always better than punching someone in the stomach, it seems though that not everyone believes that so as much as i hope this isn't a brief stay, i won't get my hopes up that i will find peace and understanding here, if people who call themselves spiritualists have no understanding then imo i can't expect anyone else to.
after that rant, i wont hold my breath for the welcomes.
