braveheart
Member
I'm really struggling right now.
I've been hitting myself again. Repeatedly on my arm in today's therapy session. It hasn't made a bruise. Amazingly. I don't want a bruise. Maybe the arnica cream has helped. I don't want the rawness that comes with self harming.
But I feel desperate.
The pain. I can't communicate it in words very well yet.
It seems that I... struggle to relate to people. That I'm very defensive and hostile. That I withdraw. That I appear dismissive.
It's self protection. But its out-dated.
This hurts like hell.
There is noone to comfort me.
And I need love so much.
But I am unable to really love it would seem. Unable to include people. At work, mainly. I am desperate to be included, but unless I express interest in them they will be reluctant to include me.
It hurts. It really hurts.
I'm angry, yes.
I feel so powerless. Worthless. A reject.
I want to cry. I want to be held safe.
But there is noone to hold me and never will be.
It hurts too much.
I've been hitting myself again. Repeatedly on my arm in today's therapy session. It hasn't made a bruise. Amazingly. I don't want a bruise. Maybe the arnica cream has helped. I don't want the rawness that comes with self harming.
But I feel desperate.
The pain. I can't communicate it in words very well yet.
It seems that I... struggle to relate to people. That I'm very defensive and hostile. That I withdraw. That I appear dismissive.
It's self protection. But its out-dated.
This hurts like hell.
There is noone to comfort me.
And I need love so much.
But I am unable to really love it would seem. Unable to include people. At work, mainly. I am desperate to be included, but unless I express interest in them they will be reluctant to include me.
It hurts. It really hurts.
I'm angry, yes.
I feel so powerless. Worthless. A reject.
I want to cry. I want to be held safe.
But there is noone to hold me and never will be.
It hurts too much.