Helping or hurting?

[Charity]

I'm hoping that I can put this all in a way that will make sense...

This whole therapy thing is new to me. I've only been going to see someone for a couple of months, after having chosen medication only for about ten years. I'm trying to figure out if the therapy is something that is overall a good choice for me or a bad one.

Before starting therapy, I just took my medications to help alleviate the worst of my problems functioning, and tried my best to live as normally as possible. Sometimes, months or years would pass without any drastic breakdowns. I could sometimes pretend to be perfectly normal, even managing to truly feel that way sometimes. There were always better times and worse times, but I just did my best to get through, being aware that feeling bad, well, feels bad. Sometimes it was beyond my control and I would find myself non-functional for a while, but I never focused on the reasons why, beyond a vague notion of having an illness that I couldn't help having.

Since I've started talking to this psychologist, it seems like everything has completely changed. It seems like I spend every moment of every day focused on how I'm feeling, whether it be okay, horrible, or in-between. I seem to be spending proportionately more of my time feeling terrible than before, on top of being more aware of it. Instead of being "me" with some issues to put up with, I seem to have developed an entirely new identity based solely around my illness. It's all I think about. I spend all my time going over every little thing in my mind, trying to figure out how things affect my state of mind, how I've been shaped by my experiences, how I look at things... None of it is pleasant to think about.

I guess what I'm wondering about is whether this is a case of things having to get worse before they get better, or if perhaps the whole idea of trying to work things out through therapy might just be a bad idea for me. Is it better in the long run for me to focus on the here and now, trying to make the most of each moment as it comes, or better to try getting to the deepest roots of how my mind works and completely reconstruct myself in a more functional way? Because I've never tried anything along these lines before, I don't know what's to be expected along the course of therapy. I also have no way of knowing if the person I'm currently seeing is a good match for me or not.

Is it just part of the process to feel as though I'm being destroyed in order to build something better? I can accept it if it turns out that it's necessary to go through all of this in order to finally reach a state of well-being. I know that some things worth having come at a high price. Or-- is this all a sign that what I'm doing is ultimately more harmful than helpful? I know I feel worse now than I did before... is it for a good purpose, or just unnecessary suffering?

I hope I've chosen my words well enough to precisely ask what I'm wanting to ask. I'd love to hear anything that any of you have learned on the subject through your own experiences, on either side of the therapeutic experience.

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Charity,

Have you looked at the following threads?

What to ask when you're looking for counseling or therapy - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

Many major types of psychotherapy are equally effective - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

Improving the Effectiveness of Your Antidepressant - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum


I haven't been in therapy very long so I'll limit my comments and maybe others, with more experience, can better answer your questions.

First, I think that therapy is very important and I don't think that relying solely on medications is truly an option for some of us. I also think that therapy takes a lot of work. What if, even though you currently feel worse, it's actually making you better?

Have you asked your psychologist for his opinions on this?

 

[Daniel E.]

Some people have said similar things before. So, to at least some degree, it is normal.

Personally, I have experienced what you are saying to some degree as well, though never enough to want to stop therapy, especially since when I start therapy, I usually am at a low point.

In any case, I would mention it to your therapist. There are approaches for dealing with ruminative thoughts, e.g.

Getting Depressed about Depression: Ruminative vs. Experiential Self Focus - Psychlinks

 

[Lana]

The medication that doctors prescribe is meant to help us cope with the symptoms of whatever ails us. It does not cure the cause though. In addition, over time, it is possible to develop either sensitivity or resistance to the medication which requires change in dose or new meds all together. However...therapy teaches us how to cope, what to do in various situations, and in many cases, how to neutralize that which upsets or frightens us. Many studies have confirmed that medication combined with therapy is the best treatment with best possible outcome and lowest rates of relapse.

There are few stages to therapy and since your issues don't start overnight, they won't go away overnight either. So set realistic goals for yourself and don't beat yourself up over it. It seems like you're in a first stage where you are becoming more aware of your emotional and mental states, you're also noticing that the current setup is not working as well as you hoped. Those are not bad things to learn...difficult and not necessarily pleasant, but good for motivating change.

Once you know what states in particular bother you most, you'll need to identify triggers, situations or things that cause you to feel that way. Then you'll need to work on developing measures to spot something that may cause a reaction and implement things proactively to either lessen the effect, or eliminate it all together. It's all a lengthy process and cannot be rushed.

P.S. I've had someone ask me once why it was necessary to go through history once a cause is discovered. The answer is complicated, but in short, history helps determine how the trigger became the trigger, and helps determine how to cope with it. Many people resist this because it's never pleasant to go back to the painful experiences..but it is a necessary process to know what exactly you're dealing with. Without that, therapy may prove to be pointless since the trigger will remain strong and firmly in place, wrecking havoc.

 

[Daniel E.]

So set realistic goals for yourself and don't beat yourself up over it.

Yes, baby steps

 

[Into The Light]

I guess what I'm wondering about is whether this is a case of things having to get worse before they get better, or if perhaps the whole idea of trying to work things out through therapy might just be a bad idea for me. Is it better in the long run for me to focus on the here and now, trying to make the most of each moment as it comes, or better to try getting to the deepest roots of how my mind works and completely reconstruct myself in a more functional way?

depending on what your goals in therapy are, there are situations where indeed it will get worse first before it gets better. it's tough going and may make you want to quit, but working through it will resolve whatever the issues are and will leave you feeling lighter.

i personally believe in the reconstruction. it's hard and difficult work, but once the work is done your quality of life will be very, very much improved.

also, therapy does not work linearly. you won't see a fixed upward trend in how you are feeling. some sessions will be very hard and stir up difficult or painful emotions and you may for that time feel worse. but you will experience them and talk about them and work through them. so it will be like two steps forward, one step back throughout the whole process. there will be plateaus where nothing seems to be changing but then a certain amount of work suddenly pays off and you notice an increase in your well-being.

Because I've never tried anything along these lines before, I don't know what's to be expected along the course of therapy. I also have no way of knowing if the person I'm currently seeing is a good match for me or not.

there are some articles in the therapy and therapists section of the forum on good matches, and i believe jazzey's links points to them. things i would look for are:

- do you like the therapist?
- is there a basis of mutual respect?
- do they seem trustworthy?
- do they seem genuine and interested in helping?
- do they seem capable of helping resolve your issues?
- do you feel supported?
- over time, do you see progress? if not, can your therapist help you see the progress? (sometimes they need to show us)

this is by no means an exhaustive list but those are things that come to mind off the top of my head.

 

[Jazzey]

:goodposting: - thanks ITL. Helpful info for a lot of us.

 

[Into The Light]

other points i am thinking of:

- is your therapist non-judgmental of things you tell them?
- do they respect your wants and needs from therapy? (i.e. they do not try to make you do things you don't want to/aren't ready for)

also, for therapy to be successful, it is important that whenever you have questions or worries about the process that you bring these concerns up. a competent therapist should be able to help you feel at ease again or resolve the concern with you.

my favourite link to refer people to with regard to therapy is this one: Between Client and Therapist - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum, it has useful info there.